Madness to do it, or mean not to???

[hidinginthetoiletagain]

Sorry, this is more of a WWYD than I AIBU...

It's my PILs 50th wedding anniversary next week and as they don't like big parties my BIL is having a small family BBQ at his house on the Sunday (he and his partner live round the corner from PiL). We didn't get a huge amount of notice about this from BIL and PIL didn't mention it at all as they assumed we wouldn't be able to come...

We have a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old and it is around 2.5 hour drive to their house. My husband has 2 jobs and will have worked a full day on the Saturday, plus 10pm-3am on the Sunday.

He insists that he will be 'fine' to drive etc. but I know I will be really anxious about it and so would end up having to drive both ways myself.

He will be back at work on the Monday (leaving at 07.15 in the morning) so we can't stay over and would have to do it in a day. At a pinch we probably had just about enough notice for him to have tried to book the Monday off but he didn't and now its definitely too late. In fairness it would have been all 4 of us in 1 small bedroom at his parents and I would probably have lost my mind...

BIL and his partner have a 6 month old that I am yet to meet and that my husband and children have only met once. I am obviously very keen for a cuddle!!

Should we go???

Actually, after imparting your wisdom here, put it all together in a book, maybe titled ‘Perfect child care for medical staff and parents’. Bestseller

I’d buy it and probably read it with the same smile I had on my face when I read the GF book

I would also love to know what is medically wrong with the OP’s child just because it doesn’t nap. Does it require a call to 111 or just a GP appointment?

@QueenofmyPrinces can you seriously not have your 2 year play with sone toys in the room whilst you shower? You seem to be avoiding that question.

QueenofmyPrinces can you seriously not have your 2 year play with sone toys in the room whilst you shower? You seem to be avoiding that question.

The first time (and last) time I had my two year old playing in the bathroom whilst I showered he ended up putting toys and toilet tolls into the toilet and playing around with the shower head that’s attached to the bath taps and whacking himself around the head with it.

So although I could leave him to play freely in the bathroom I choose not to.

I’ve been child rearing for 5 years and have managed to survive with only showering when there’s another adult in the house so far.

@QueenofmyPrinces try teaching him the word no! Get toilet locks? Honestly I don't know how you survive, you're making a rod for your own back.

Maybe you could try showering when he's 12 you should be ok then?

Ridiculous

I’ve noticed @rugshade on other threads being deliberately goady. Yes you’re free to comment but OP did not ask for your advice on child rearing, she asked about the logistics of travelling to a party.

soun - why does it bother you so much about how people shower? It’s very, very odd

I'm not sure what to say? I don't think it's 'sad' to be tired, I'm very happy in my marriage, love my kids and have a good job. I thought being knackered was just par for the course at this stage of life/kids??

It is.

@Nanny0gg perfectly normal to feel knackered but not because simple tasks can't be carried out whilst children are awake.

@QueenofmyPrinces why is it odd mentioning showering? Wasn't that one of the tasks impossible for the OP to do whilst children were awake? Why do say it's odd? It's a discussion point from OP. Now you saying that it's odd is odd, very odd! FWIW I did also ask how lunch and dinner got prepared.

sous - I didn’t say it was odd because you mentioned showering, I said it’s odd how bothered you are by other people’s showeribg habits.

I just don’t understand why you are making such a big issue out of the fact that some of us don’t do thing like you did.

It’s baffling really that you have no concept that different people do things differently and that not every child will behave in the same way yours did.

Using the way you parented as a means to judge and rate how others do it, and then speak badly of parents who don’t do it the same way you did, is not a very nice quality.

@QueenofmyPrinces but your doing the same, I do it this way so it's right! I never do anything whilst my children are awake so its right but you're complaining about me doing the same.

The OP said she's constantly knackered by being up until midnight doing chores and showering.

I'm saying that not necessary and she could address it. Consequently because of that she'll be unable to drive safely, that needs to be addressed.

@QueenofmyPrinces and for what it's worth I'm not remotely interested in anyone's showering habits, it's their parenting habits that interest me!

@QueenofmyPrinces but your doing the same, I do it this way so it's right! I never do anything whilst my children are awake so its right but you're complaining about me doing the same.

Where have I ever said I don’t do anything whilst my children are awake?!

And I said that I don’t leave my 2 year old unattended whilst I shower because that’s what works for us - I certainly haven’t said my way is right, or criticised others for not doing the same, or saying that someone else is doing it wrong just because they can leave their child playing with their toys whereas I can’t???

Are playpens not the thing these days?

Only read the first couple of pages. I don't know what all this is about at the end . But my two pennies worth on the original question is definitely go and get him to ring in sick .

Ignoring the two lunatics on this thread, is it possible for your husband to take Monday off? Maybe you could book an Airbnb or cram into the little bedroom to enjoy the whole Sunday evening with your extended family?

@Dutch1e lunatics? Or parents with well brought up and behaved children..... not one that climb over everything incessantly because they are let do as they please?

I think you'll find that OP had answered your question about Monday already, try reading the thread if you want to add anything worthwhile.

@StCharlotte apparently not, simple solution.

I just checked back have only skim read but am glad to hear that I'm not the only one who found certain posters posts a bit

OP, I'd just like to add that i never left my dc unattended at 1.5 yrs either. One of them would have been very distressed being left alone whilst awake and the other would have caused untold mischief. I only showered either with them, or when they were asleep or when they were with my dh.

I can only assume that sounfair and rugshade are being goady by offering their one size fits all childcare advice. My first dc was very high needs, and even whilst i struggled with all that entailed, i still had enough imagination to recognise that other dc were different. When my second dc came along, she was different and gave me different challenges. I am always very careful not to offer advice as I recognise that i am expert in caring for my dc only. The skills i learnt with them may not be applicable to all.

I think you'll find that OP had answered your question about Monday already, try reading the thread if you want to add anything worthwhile.

Thanks, I missed it. I'll try to sift through yours and the other one's derailments to find it. Unless you have a copy-paste handy?

@Dutch1e you'll find OPs posts are highlighted, makes it easy.

@sounfairso, not necessarily. I am on my phone and only my posts are highlighted.

"try reading the thread if you want to add anything worthwhile."

Even after reading the thread, not everyone manages to post something worthwhile.

"If the OP's 1.5 year old doesn't nap, there's something wrong there, and the OP seriously needs to consider medical intervention or parenting intervention, as recommended."

What utter rubbish. Kids nap as and when they want or need to and sometimes don't, they are all different.

@Angelf1sh how odd all the OPs posts are highlighted on mine? Do you not use the app?