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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Madness to do it, or mean not to???

177 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 23/08/2019 21:03

Sorry, this is more of a WWYD than I AIBU...

It's my PILs 50th wedding anniversary next week and as they don't like big parties my BIL is having a small family BBQ at his house on the Sunday (he and his partner live round the corner from PiL). We didn't get a huge amount of notice about this from BIL and PIL didn't mention it at all as they assumed we wouldn't be able to come...

We have a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old and it is around 2.5 hour drive to their house. My husband has 2 jobs and will have worked a full day on the Saturday, plus 10pm-3am on the Sunday.

He insists that he will be 'fine' to drive etc. but I know I will be really anxious about it and so would end up having to drive both ways myself.

He will be back at work on the Monday (leaving at 07.15 in the morning) so we can't stay over and would have to do it in a day. At a pinch we probably had just about enough notice for him to have tried to book the Monday off but he didn't and now its definitely too late. In fairness it would have been all 4 of us in 1 small bedroom at his parents and I would probably have lost my mind...

BIL and his partner have a 6 month old that I am yet to meet and that my husband and children have only met once. I am obviously very keen for a cuddle!!

Should we go???

OP posts:
lawnmowingsucks · 24/08/2019 06:49

If your husband really wanted to make it easy on himself he could have taken annual
Leave. He could even throw a sickie. If he's not bothered and he wants to go - why are you so worried? Does he have form for making poor choices?

CassianAndor · 24/08/2019 06:53

I think you should go but I can understand your hesitation!

AmIThough · 24/08/2019 06:54

Go! It'll mean the world to your in-laws and you get baby cuddles!

Luckybe40 · 24/08/2019 06:54

Absolutely go! 2.5 hours each way is definitely doable, I love those kinds of trips, it’s the only time I get my DH’s uninterrupted attention! ( other than the roads obviously). It’ll be worth it, pack the kids in the car ready for bed, on the way back and enjoy!

MrsKittyFane1 · 24/08/2019 06:56

Go but get organised & get everything ready and car packed the day before so that you just need to get up the day you leave.
Don't leave everything to the morning.
Take DC's PJs for journey home so that you can put them straight in bed.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 24/08/2019 07:02

So, I'm getting the sense that maybe you guys think we should go... Grin

You're right! I'll stop being a drip and we will Smile. I think I'm just sooooooo tired already (bloody kids) just the thought of it is exhausting...

I'm also not much of an anniversary person (we never remember ours!), but you're right 50 years is a biggie (my MIL deserves a medal and a 2 week Caribbean holiday...).

Just as a side note dieu how on earth am I being 'controlling'??

Also, to those saying I should just let my husband drive, he probably will be fine, but on the other hand both my children will be in the car and it hardly seems the risk!

OP posts:
SockMachine · 24/08/2019 07:03

Just go, it’s a family day out and boy that big a deal.

The biggest impact is on your DH but it’s his parents, a Golden Wedding is a notable occasion, it’s pretty bad that you and he haven’t met his brother’s baby yet, 2.5 hours each way separated by a nice day with family and a meal is fine.

Go for it, and enjoy it!

SockMachine · 24/08/2019 07:07

Sorry, I see your DH had met the baby once, but still!

Also, after 5 or 6 hours sleep your DH would be fine to drive, possibly better than you as you say you are so tired plus seem so anxious.

Olikingcharles · 24/08/2019 07:09

I would go but doing a trip like that is nothing for us. I've done longer many times we live in Australia so used to travelling long distances and do them quite often even when DC's were younger 2.5 hours each way isnt that bad to me.

Mary1935 · 24/08/2019 07:10

Let him drive there and you drive back. He works hard let’s him have a drink and enjoy himself. It’s a one off.
Routines are important with kids but we can be flexible occasionally.
You could relax there hopefully with all those doting relatives.
It will make there day extra special.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 24/08/2019 07:11

Yes go. Leave when your kids normally go to bed so they fall asleep and can go straight to bed when you get home.

BertrandRussell · 24/08/2019 07:16

We used to do this sort of thing a lot when ours were little. I would set off really early on Sunday morning and drive and let children and dh sleep in the car. Arrive at pils with plenty of time for a nap while pils, dh and dc dote on each other.

Oysterbabe · 24/08/2019 07:18

I'd definitely go. 2.5 hours driving in one go really isn't that much.

rugshade · 24/08/2019 07:20

Can I just ask, why is it you find the kids so exhausting? Are there SENs? I have a 1.5 and 4 year old - I'm not sure what you would find tiring about it? Have you not sleep trained the 1.5 year old yet?

Poetryinaction · 24/08/2019 07:20

I'd go for sure.

rugshade · 24/08/2019 07:21

Not trying to be goady, I just don't understand why you're so tired. Have you a medical condition?

Palaver1 · 24/08/2019 07:22

Go it’s a one off.youll be okay once your there

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/08/2019 07:24

Go.

Weebitawks · 24/08/2019 07:27

It does sound like a case of you don't want to do so you're thinking of all the reasons not too and there sadly aren't any good ones for missing something like this.

TheBadCop · 24/08/2019 07:29

I can drive both ways, it'll just be very tiring

it's 2.5h I thought? You DH works all these hours and you wince about a 2.5h drive? or is there a drip feed waiting to be done? It's just a bit odd otherwise.

I would go, you drive, DH has s snooze in the car.

MoaningMinnie1 · 24/08/2019 07:32

Please do go, it is important to do so and your absence would be conspicuous. Maybe you can spend the night in a b&b? However I know mine always slept in car on long journeys.

Go and enjoy Wine.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 24/08/2019 07:32

Wow rugshade you're not sure what I would find tiring about 2 pre-schoolers??

Maybe it's just me??

My 1.5 year old sleeps well (didn't have to 'sleep train' him). I guess it's just the relentlessness of it. My husband is out pretty much 7-7, so it's 12 hours of mayhem...

I'm a HCP (paediatric as it happens) and I definitely find work less tiring than the kids!

No SEN, just very active, 'busy' children that need A LOT of exercise and stimulation... Obviously plus all the endless tidying, cleaning, washing etc.

OP posts:
MrsExpo · 24/08/2019 07:35

Utter madness IMO. How about Skyping them during the party and arranging another time (soon) when you can all get together without the impossible timing. It’s your DH I feel for, more then the kids.

Angelf1sh · 24/08/2019 07:41

2.5 hours drive after you’ve (presumably) had a normal night’s sleep is really not a big deal. You all want to go so I’d just go.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 24/08/2019 07:42

No medical issues I don't think (though possibly peri-menopausal), just in my 40s with 2 young kids. Everyone I know is tired!

To those asking about the driving, I know it's not that much of a big deal, like I've said, I'm just being a bit wet. I actually quite like driving, just less so with 2 bored whining kids in the back!

Also, in relation to my in-laws, I guess all families are different. My husband isn't super close to his siblings and I doubt his other brother (who lives in the same city as us) will be going. I've not met their 6 month old, but I've only met my BIL's partner a handful of times and they've only met our 1.5 year old once. I'm an only child, so don't know what's typical for siblings?

OP posts: