My children have sucked the life out of me

[Cindy55]

I have three children under five, and I feel the last five years have been the worst of my life. I’m a SAHM which wasn’t my choice as we can’t afford childcare as my profession doesn’t pay much.

My kids are difficult, they cry 24.7, whinge and destroy everything they touch. Every simple task has become difficult, getting them to brush their teeth, eating their fruit and veg, brushing their hair, they act like feral animals all the time.

I rush everything all day, I’m rushing to have a shower, brushing my teeth, laundry, cleaning, hoovering before the next child wakes or cries. I’m lucky if I can brush my hair sometimes. I was eating an apple as fast as I could as my DD was whinging for something, I nearly choked and that’s when I broke down crying hysterically. That in my pathetic life I can’t even finish a stupid apple properly.

I have no support, DH works long hours as he doesn’t earn much so we need the overtime. He comes home at nine, by then I’m just a zombie watching any shite on tv. Then he kicks off as I’m not bubbly or attentive enough to listen to his work stories. From 6am to 7.30pm I’m just running after my kids. After 7.30 I put the house back together, clean kitchen etc. By 9, I want one hour to myself doing nothing not rushing anything, but I can’t as my DH wants company and chatter.

My friends and family live miles away, they don’t visit anyway as my kids are too much for them. Obviously we aren’t invited as no one wants three kids staying with them. My siblings don’t have any children and make no effort with mine. I haven’t made any new friends here, so its a very lonely existence.

I miss my old life. I miss working, wearing nice clothes, having a nice social life, having money to buy things, having conversations with people, eating out, exercising etc. I haven’t felt any joy in years, I don’t find happiness in anything anymore. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t here anymore, that I just die in my sleep.

I don’t know what I’m asking advice for but I hate being a mother. I feel they have sucked every ounce of who I was, and sometimes I regret having them. So I feel like a horrible mother all the time.

I wouldn’t ever kill myself as I couldn’t do that to my kids and DH. However, I wish it would happen naturally, a drunk driver crashed into me or I collapse. I know I’m awful but I get no break, I wake up to a very loud crying baby and go sleep to a man telling me I’m such a miserable wife now. On the weekends my DH wants to relax so I’m still looking after the kids.

Oh and straight away, make sure at least one of your is using reliable contraception

Honestly I would get a pastime weekend or evening job for a break, a Saturday afternoon or something, keep your skills up and then get a bit of money. Have a break from home

Or go back to work for a loss, i didn't have a third because I could only cope with 2 so I really do sympathise but I promise you this will get easier

I feel for you. I have 3 and my experience is nothing like yours but my dh pulls his weight and always has. You need to have a serious discussion with him about your feelings and how you can implement changes to make your family life easier. It does get easier as your eldest starts school you'll have 2 home and your middle child will be able to go to preschool or nursery for a few hours a week. I do agree that ypu need some time to yourself be it an hour an evening just to read a book, have a bath or sit on your phone but just some time where you can put yourself first. Best of luck op.

I completely disagree with those who say you can't foresee it. You bloody well can which is why many young women are making different choices. You never know if you'll have a good sleeper or eater but it doesn't take a genius to work out the more kids you have the more stretched you will get both in terms of time energy and of course financially. Noone finds sleep deprivation easy, it's shit for us all.

This thread is 3 years old………………

I thought I was reading something I wrote for a minute. This is exactly how I feel. I am so miserable. Nothing brings me joy. I wish the time machine was invented because I would definitely go back.