To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

Most concerts finish by 11pm max. I would let her go and pay for a taxi to the hotel . Most venues have taxi rank right outside. It’s scary as a mother to let them go but they do grow up . My children all went to Reading festival when they were that age and were fine.

If I were your daughter I wouldn't go to concert in protest if you treated her like such a baby. Stuff you mum.

Tinkerbell you old Nana. Let them have their fun. Minors in the eyes of the law. Have you heard yourself 🤣

You'll probably be glad to hear I'm leaving mn forever. I can't stand to read shit like this. Babying of teens then moaning they can't look after themselves in a few years time. It's your job to eqip them with life skills. It's the whole point of being a parent. Quite a lot of you are failing your children in my eyes.

I know London well and stoke a bit. I’d much more happily (like double) let my kids walk around London than Stoke. My experience of google is you can half walking times. Said eldests uni halls were 20 minutes walk when we could see them 600 yards away.

YABU and somewhat stifling- but then I live inLondon and don’t regard it as the equivalent to downtown Lagos

And as a regular concert goer in London. 11pm curfew latest. For anything.

If it’s the o2 then book them a hotel on site or across the water via the cable car. Not sure on ages but if you book it and prepay shouldn’t be an issue

The only bit of it I might have a problem with is the walking to the hotel. If they were getting a taxi (or even train / tube / bus) then that would be better. Honestly though at 16, she’s pretty much an adult. My just turned 17 year old son went abroad on holiday for a week this summer with friends and came back in one piece, so I wouldn’t overly stress about a night in London.

No way. Too young. Pick her up.

Speak to other parents before you agree to anything!
Personally I think 16 is young and they’re prob planning a club afterwards!😂
Consider booking an cab maybe?

If you are coming down south can you bring me some oatcakes and Wright’s Pies please. (Exiled in Herts !)

I would allow this (and have done with my daughter who is now 20), but make sure she is keeping you updated at all times. You can get tracker app to see where she is at all times. I would worry about an half hour walk if venue is O2, most other venues would be walking through heavily populated and busy areas. As long as they stick together they will be fine. Taxis are nightmare to get after concerts and prices heavily inflated. Tube and buses best if possible depending on venue.

So long as a taxi was booked for them to pick up at the venue and drop at the hotel, it’d be a yes from me. No taxi, no go.

Lots of things you can do to make you feel happier about this!

Talk to the other parents to ensure you are all on the same page. If any of the other girls are reticent to pass on the contact details then that would ring alarm bells!

Maybe see if they can get a hotel nearer (next to) the venue, it will cost more but the extra would be cheaper than you driving there and back.

If that's not possible, insist they get a taxi to the hotel and make sure it's a reputable company that you can book in advance.
Get them to text you (or ring you) when they get to the hotel/in their room.
You could also get them to ring you when the taxi picks them up if you want extra security.

I did the letting go with my dd bit by bit (went to London with them but then let them go off; let them go and come home on their own; let them go overnight) but you don't have this option as you live further away.

I wouldn't like it either and I'm fairly laid back.

Is she walking or getting the tube to the hotel?

Tell her you're picking her up or she's not going. You're the boss not her.

If it was the o2 Saturday curfew is 11pm and the tube etc still running all night and morning so can’t be that..

I have lived in London my whole life, I’m the 6th generation of my family to have been born and bred in London. We have a large family and have all attended numerous concerts. I was going to clubs all over the capital at 16, even Kingscross back in the 90’s. I grew up next to what was a very rough estate. I can say hand on heart I never experienced any problems. So personally I don’t have an issue with my kids going out in London.
However as her parent you alone can make that call. If you aren’t happy with the situation then I think your offer to collect them is unbelievably generous and the perfect compromise.
I don’t blame you for being worried as if you watch the news it would seem there is a violent event every day. As a parent you have to do what you feel comfortable with.
I hope your DD realised what a kind mum you are as many could have just said she’s not going. Good luck.

Suprised by the many let goers. She 16 not from the area. First you need to speak to the other parents and all of you come up with a plan. One of you should go with them and stay in the hotel as well. A different room but. When concert is over have a uber or a parent waiting to take them back to the hotel. If they dont agree with that then chances are they are planing on trying to get into clubs or drunk. Iv a niece around that age and have caught her drinking before and had a friend call me to let me know her and some friends were standind outside our local tesco asking people to buy them drinks. I got there just in time to see man in his late 20s handing them vodka and heard him ask for their snapchats to invite them to a party later
Now these 4 girls looked about 12 no older. Police are involved now. This man had went to school with one of the girls older brothers. My point is there will always be someone willing to buy the drink and take advantage of young girls.

For anyone going to have a go at me for finding my niece drinking and her being out again it was halloween last year they got caught they stole a box of wkd from one of the others parents. All girls were grounded for a very long time. Right now they are all grounded again and when they will be let out all are to check in every hour and have the gps on there phones turned on.

No way! She needs to be told no, they will most def try and get into a club later. 3 16 year olds in a hotel? Anything could happen. That’s in any other town never mind the capital city. Put your foot down. You are not trying to baby her you have been more than reasonable.

I live in London. Let her go! She is 16 not 12. Give her some independence and trust, if you don’t she’ll start deceiving you.

There is a big difference between a 16 and a 17-18 year old imo. At 16 I would have been too immature. Another 18mths and it would have been fine. Stick to your guns!

Yanbu. It would be a no from me too.
Too young and in a city they don't know.

From experience of big concert venues it can be a nightmare getting a taxi because of the sheer volume of people. Pre booking doesn't work. Uber drivers cancel if they get stuck in traffic.
My feeling would be to do what others have suggested - stay in the same hotel and meet them at the venue at the end of the concert.
I don't know of any concert that finishes that late!

Alternatively, make her pitch her trip to you,Dragons Den Style, complete with journey details (Trains, tube stops, walking routes (complete with Google Street view) and contingency plans. Quiz her about tube train directions, how she will purchase tube tickets (does she have her own bankcard etc?). If she has put in the effort and shown you that she is sufficiently well prepared and knows exactly what she's doing, and the other parents are in agreement, then consider it. Alternatively could you stay overnight in London in a different room?