To refuse to let DD stay over?

[mavidmowie]

She has just turned 16, and the concert is in October. Her and 2 mates want to go to the concert in London and stay the night on their own. The plan is to travel down on the train (we live on Stoke on Trent so it's a good way away), go and see the concert, and then walk to a hotel then get the train back in the morning. They've already done the planning and have decided on a hotel (it's one that allows under 18s). Of course when she told me about it, it was a big no from me. The concert finishes at half 12 and the idea of 3 16 year olds from a small city trying to navigate London at night worries me sick. What if they can't find the hotel or it's a dive? What if they get harassed/followed/mugged etc?

She insists her friends parents don't have a problem with it which I somehow doubt, but I don't know the friends parents. The girls are nice enough and I have no doubt they'd all look after each other but they think they are invincible at that age. I have tried to compromise with DD and have said they can get the train down early in the morning together, spend the day in London and do some shopping etc, go to the concert and then I'll be there waiting for them when they get out of the concert and will drive them all back to Stoke. I thought it was perfectly reasonable (especially seeing as I'll be driving 3 hours there and back for them) but she scoffed at the idea and said I'm trying to baby her and that I should let her stay the night. AIBU?

Ensure she knows exactly where she's going and how to get between venues and then let her go. I'm from the NE and I did London with friends at 16.

It’s hard to know how to answer this without knowing where this venue is located. For example, the walk back to the tube from the Albert Hall is so busy that it is very safe.

As others have said, concerts in big venues finish around 10.30. Late night venues that play live music are for over 18s only. It does seem as if the poster’s daughter needs to provide much more information before it would be reasonable to let her go.

I am actually quite surprised at the number of posters saying let her go. I live in London, use public transport late at night but have the Special Secret Cloak of Middle Aged Woman’s Invisibility. The poster’s daughter is only just 16 and we don’t know how well she and her friends know London. I think if it were just a concert, the girls would love to be picked up and driven home. And everyone who says ‘uber’, just remember that they operate surge pricing (including after terrorist attacks) so the girls would need to have extra funds or, as someone suggested, access to a parent’s account. Personally, I always use a black cab. My mini derail there!

At 16 is fine and with friends. Tell them to get taxis around. Depends on your daughter is she sensible? People grow up in London and manage to go out at night...

The OP hasn’t come back.

In 2 years time she could be off to uni, staying out far later than 12:30 and navigating her way back

Yes, in two or more years. Just turned sixteen is Y11 or Y12, to eighteen going on nineteen and going to university is a huge difference and there is a plenty of time for that. I started going out more regularly in the evening locally in Y12/13 which was ample preparation for looking after myself at university. There's no rush to grow up overnight.

So I’m surprised about PI and think they’re perhaps the exception not the rule

Yep. I’ve tried twice and they said no.

@katesalwayslate she can’t drive in Uk at 16 and can’t marry without parents consent ! And yes she could have a baby legally but doesn’t mean it’s a good idea does it ?
What is the issue with an adjoining room ? If they aren’t up to no good and have nothing to hide why would a parent staying in the hotel in the room next door incase there is a problem be an issue ?

Yabu, don’t baby her she could legally move out.

London at night is probably safe than Hanley! When my daughter was that age she was already navigating night busses home from gigs at way past midnight (on her own).

Firstly OP - check exactly where the gig is and what time it ends. Even 02 ends latest 11.30 and tubes and busses all run later.

Secondly - check the hotel they are staying at. Anyone out later than 11 in small hotels either is given a key to use to let themselves in or ring the bell and the door will be opened for them.

If you want to help put a UBER app on your DDs phone and that will see them back to their hotel quickly and safely.

Good for the girls and their initiative.

As a fellow Londoner I was navigating it all by myself at that age. They’ll be fine. Compromise on that they have to choose a hotel in a chain (if they haven’t already) so it will be reliably up to a certain standard and ask her if she’ll let you put find my friends or whatever works on her phone on there for that night. And make her promise to text when she gets back to the hotel.

It depends where it is and what the hotel is like. Most central hotels that are affordable are dives...
I say that as a Londoner!

It would be a no for me. Yes to go concert but only on the condition you pick her up. Wandering around London at night on their own could end up being overwhelming or dangerous & you won't be close enough to help. Plus I agree with others they probs won't go straight to hotel after, they may try the night scene and try bars. They are minors in the eyes of the law & you as her parent are responsible for her. There's nothing illegal letting her go at that age only how comfortable you are with the situation. Has she been to other concerts or events more locally and done this? As may be something smaller, close by would be a good way to start and build trust

I have a 16 year old. I would let her go with friends who I know. She is extremely sensible and trustworthy though.
(Their school prom a few weeks ago was in central London. They traveled in small groups but were in London late at night.) They do need to learn independence and this sounds like a great way of doing it. Make some rules (no alcohol) and insist she calls you after the concert and when she gets to the hotel.

Speak to the other parents

My children were born and bred in London. It is not the den of iniquity people think it is. She will be fine

This doesn't add up. Why is she going out so late? A venue that is open that late probably doesn't allow under 18s. Most venues are near reasonably priced hotels too.

You need to do some investigation into this. I suspect the event probably ends early enough for them to maybe make it home. If it's genuine, you could choose to a: pre book them a black cab (easier to trust than Uber as you could mistakenly get into a random car) and b: pay for them to stay in a hotel closer to the venue.

We went to see Muse a few years ago at the Emirates (Arsenal) stadium, and had booked the Hilton in Islington. Took us around 30 minutes to walk there but well over an hour coming back due to the crowds and diversions that the Police had put in place. I didn't feel particularly safe either if I'm being really honest - people were pretty drunk coming out of the concerts and lots of people outside the pubs etc.

We're country bumpkins anyway but I found the crowds very overwhelming.

Give her the money for a taxi insisting on a quick phone call when on way could be a compromise. Although I'd feel like you.

What’s the gig?

Why won’t you say what concert it is OP?
Most gigs end way before 00:30 (unless in a club, which she’s not old enough to get in to). Even the O2 has to end by 11pm
Have you checked the details of the gig and hotel yourself? If she’s trustworthy and all the details check out, I would have no problem. My daughter goes out and travels all over London (she’s 17 but has been doing this for well over a year).

Insist on them getting an Uber or black cab from venue to hotel - dealbreaker. Even with three of them, wandering the streets at that time of night is not advisable. However, equally at 16 they are wanting to stretch the elastic, and IMO better to let them learn whilst you’re waiting in the wings than wait till they leave home/ go to uni. I’d put a tracker on the phone and get her to message/ text when safely at hotel. It will make the whole experience much more exciting for them, and safer than travelling miles in the middle of the night. I lived in London. If you add those precautions they will be fine. ( though would personally also insist on checking with the other parents too). They have to grow up sometime!!

Yabu, don’t baby her she could legally move out except practically it's very unlikely if she's getting free bed and board so she can continue at school, probsbly meals cooked for, washing done for her, clothes and toiletries brought for her.
Perhaps instead of babying her OP should insist on the going room rate for rent, refuse to drive her places etc. Or is it only babying when it suits?

Good luck getting a taxi home or to the hotel from a gig! You'll be waiting a lifetime and its costs a bomb! I went to spice girls and ed sheeran and couldnt get a taxi...roads closed off, traffic was a mare. I'd pick them up at that age but that's my opinion.

I haven’t read all the suggestions OP but would it be possible to make it a girls night. You go but see a show etc whilst they are in their concert. Then go back to a hotel together? You could do your own thing, go shopping etc but be there for the safe parts of getting to and from the concert and hotel?

I'm still intrigued as to where this concert/gig is that finishes at 12.30.

I regularly visit the 02. I wouldn't be walking 30 minutes in any direction from that place, let alone at night!