To expect husband to travel home with us?

[Lenny1987]

Going on holiday to ireland on Saturday. Husband is irish, so we are spending the week in his village. We are travelling back the following sunday, all ireland final day. His team is in the final. When we were booking the flights I mentioned this to him, and he said his team wouldn't get there, and he had enough on that month (a stag weekend, and a weekend in dublin at the hurling final). Now the time has come, his team are there, and he wants to spend £200 on a new flight later that night so he can watch the match. This means I am travelling home from an 8 day holiday with all our stuff and a 10month old baby. He asked my opinion, and now hes annoyed that I dont think it's ok. His team get to this match regularly and he has been to it before. I have suggested not looking at social media and watching immediately as we return.

It’s the all Ireland! Get him to bring most of the luggage with him, you just take the nappy bag/ the baby and your personal bag on.

I don't want to be that person but I used to travel home to Ireland regularly with 2 small kids.. luggage etc. If you're organised it can be done, wheely cases, trolleys at airport, backpacks, if your DH doesn't do this sort of thing on a regular basis I'd let it go. I'd also make sure you had £200 to spend and some time for yourself

As i’ve Travelled transatlantic with a baby, toddler and our bags ( which was absolutely fine) I don’t have too much sympathy for the idea that an hour ish long flight with a baby is going to be that difficult.

I'd be worried that if he was drinking all day he'd miss the flight home or forget the luggage.

But i’d Also be looking at a weekend away for my self or a wee spa break or similar now that the baby’s a bit bigger. Make sure your DH is aware that a yes means you get this sooner rather than later...

Why is it so hard for people to understand that just cause they regularly travel with their multiple children and suitcases that for another person this might be difficult. My ds is lovely but when he 1st started walking he was into everything, he also started walking at 10 months so was small. He is a climber that will try and get on top of anything he comes across. This meant that taking him anywhere quite stressful. He screamed when he was in his pram and I don't have a sling and have no desire to buy one. If ops baby is like that the journey could well be a nightmare. On top of the fact that she is been expected to do it alone just cause her husband wants to watch a game. She had asked him when they booked but he said no. He has now changed his mind and wants to go have fun while she deals with all the stress of getting the baby home.

The good news for everybody thinking I was unreasonable is that he has just paid 319euro to travel home 4 hours later. So he is paying 80euro an hour extra to stay! And now will attempt to find a ticket. So I'll be at dublin airport with 2 suitcases, a backpack, a car seat, pram, and a 10 month old just walking baby. Hope it will be as easy as everybody tells me!

Have you asked him how you are expected to carry it all? Has he even offered to work something else out for his suitcase?

He sounds like a selfish twat.

Maker sure you spend the same on yourself for a weekend away.

Bad planning in the first place not to have had everyone go home after the match. It's not as if the date is not known months ahead, even if the teams are not.

So he's not taken responsibility for the luggage? What a prick.

I voted YABU but now I'm not so sure.
I think I'd make it contingent on securing a match ticket before the deadline for changing flights (if that's even possible as he risks the later flight selling out).
No point you going to the hassle and expense for him to sit in the pub watching it.
And I'd make sure of the ticket cost too (I don't know what anti-tout measures are in place but in a free market a final ticket would be worth a lot).

What she ^^^^ said. I’d be having serious words when he’s home. Having a baby isn’t a part time responsibility you can’t ditch when it doesn’t suit.

Personally I’d leave the two suitcases with him . The baby, buggy, car seat and backpack is quite enough for you. I’d leave the car seat too but I’m assuming you need it to drive home from the airport.

I’ve no idea why carting all this stuff is too hard for him but easy for you. It’s an example of the many tasks like this - things that are no trouble at all and you should just get on with it without complaining. But of course a man can’t possibly do it, it’s too hard and inconvenient and not practical at all.

Please ask for help at the airport to get to check in. Once you are free of the suitcases and car seat you will be ok . I’m assuming it’s a lightweight buggy you are going to gate check and not a monstrous designer one that had to be packed into its own special padded case.

Remember to put a change of top for you and a change of outfit for baby in your hand luggage in case of accidents. Plus nappies wipes and snacks of course.

Remember your day out and overnight with the girls will €320 plus the rugby ticket , and beer money plus his taxi to the airport and taxi home from the airport. It could easily be €500.

Oops sorry I meant I agreed with @catagory12

Oh my God, all of you who have travelled 24 hours on a plane with 6 kids and 10 suitcases, well done. Round of applause, have a medal.

It's not the point. The OP will be eminently capable of doing this but she shouldn't have to because her husband has changed his mind at the last minute and decided to put a sporting fixture above travelling home with his family and not offering to do anything to assist her

Can he travel to the airport help you to check in? then its only 15 mins to Croke park from the airport by taxi.

I'd let him go but he'd be expected to pay/change your tickets too . You can then travel back together a day later.

If you've travelled extensively then you should be able to cope you're being a bit precious imo

I fly with my kids every couple months to relatives I've now got 2 which involves a buggy, case and 3 carry on bags and manage perfectly fine

He doesn't even have a ticket. He is being unreasonable. It is always said that kerry folks only ever travel to an all Ireland and don't travel to see the team elsewhere. It is a long shot to get a ticket. He is being v unreasonable and I hope he makes it up to you later.

I think anyone with a bit of consideration would understand that if he'd planned for it beforehand you could have organised to stay another day and he could have done his duty and helped with the journey, rather than just expecting you to pick up all the slack for him, it's not reasonable on a travelling day.

Any non selfish dad I know would do what you said and avoid social media and watch it when he gets back like you said, because he is needed that day due to the plans you jointly made.

Book cases in as hold luggage. I travel back and forwards regularly with 3 kids from when they were all tiny - not a big deal tbh

How will DH get home from the airport if you have taken the car? I hope he isn’t expecting you to come and collect him.

I voted YANBU but haven’t got time to comment. I’m another one who thinks that it doesn’t matter how other people are coping with heaps of children and suitcases. You offered him to consider this match and he refused. Now he asked your opinion, you were unhappy about him staying but he went ahead anyway. You can’t do what you want when you are in relationship and have children as all your decisions affect other people. He clearly doesn’t get it fully.
I also think that it’s waste of money. He could watch it on TV.

It certainly will be a waste of money if he can’t actually get a ticket for the game.

I would certainly be unimpressed if my DH did this, especially as he was asked at the initial planning stage if they needed to factor in him going to the game, which he said no. They could have then planned things round the game to make the travel arrangements easier.

I would certainly be totally unimpressed if my DH did this when it coincides with my first day back at work after maternity leave.

In fact DH had the day off on my first day back so he could look after DS, so the only thing I needed to stress about was getting back into the work routine and not the nursery routine too. That is what supportive husbands do, not change arrangements last minute, spend a fortune on a match (which isn’t a once in a lifetime thing) and expect your partner to cope on her own with a ton load of luggage and a young baby without a thought.

OP asked him beforehand and he said no. He’s changed his mind last minute and leaving it to his wife to sort who again asked him and was willing to plan for it. OP is also returning to work right after the trip.

It doesn’t even seem he has a ticket yet so there is no point of him staying and spending even more money for a third weekend in a month (which he also said would have been too much when OP asked him about it) while OP is at home getting ready to head back to work after mat leave.

He should be supporting his wife not going off to a game that he himself decided his team wasn’t going to make it to.

And now with the update, we see what a selfish arsehole this DH really is. Quite happy to change the goalposts while leaving his DW to do all the parenting, wrangling, luggage carrying, etc. And it's OP's first day back at work after maternity the next day. He should be home supporting her.

Of course, it's alright saying OP should the equivalent to spend on herself, but I bet that actually getting to go away without the baby would be really hard. If he's willing to ditch his parenting responsibilites so easily for this, then I wouldn't put it past him to find a way to weasel out of looking after the baby alone.