To expect husband to travel home with us?

[Lenny1987]

Going on holiday to ireland on Saturday. Husband is irish, so we are spending the week in his village. We are travelling back the following sunday, all ireland final day. His team is in the final. When we were booking the flights I mentioned this to him, and he said his team wouldn't get there, and he had enough on that month (a stag weekend, and a weekend in dublin at the hurling final). Now the time has come, his team are there, and he wants to spend £200 on a new flight later that night so he can watch the match. This means I am travelling home from an 8 day holiday with all our stuff and a 10month old baby. He asked my opinion, and now hes annoyed that I dont think it's ok. His team get to this match regularly and he has been to it before. I have suggested not looking at social media and watching immediately as we return.

[RockinHippy]

YABU

[Rystall]

Oh for goodness sake, YABU!! you haven’t said where you’re from ( I think) but I’m assuming UK. What’s that.....an hour long flight??? Seriously ? It’s not men being infantilised on this thread..... Parents travel all over the world with babies every single day of the week....my friend has recently travelled home to New Zealand on her own with a v tiny baby. Guess what happened? Nothing!

[pooopypants]

OP you sound high maintenance. And inflexible. Just leave the luggage, take what you need and travel back. Make your life easier. I appreciate he can't take 2 cases into the stadium but that's for him to sort out.


Yes, it would be easier to travel back together but he wants to go watch his team. Its hardly a long haul flight is it? Just come home by yourself and let him enjoy himself. Then book some time in for YOU to go to a concert, or whatever you want to do. A relationship is about compromise and you sound like you won't even consider budging on this one.

[timeisnotaline]

I don’t think you have to fix his fuck up, or take responsibility for his decisions. He takes his luggage. £200 plus ticket fee plus some serious time off plus you don’t cook etc for a week if this is also your return to work- if no one else in your marriage prioritised you and your career then you have to and he does nights and cooks this week while you focus on work.

What? It easy. I handle 8 week old, 2 yr old, car seat for infant on plane, pram and 4 suitcases. And in rental car too. You just call ask for trolley where rental car drop off is, get trolley, put all on trolley (baby in car seat on front, toddler walk next), check suitcases, then put car seat on pram, baby in pram and push pram with one hand, hold/carry toddler with other. Check pram at boarding gate it there at gate when you land. Repeat. it’s not easy, but you are extremely smug. Yes I’ve done it (30 hours travel when recovering from gastro and haven’t eaten in a week solo with 4 year old and crawling baby and suitcases to be clear) and it’s hard. Many many people have climbed Everest, it’s obviously doable, it is perfectly ok for someone to say I’m not doing that, it’s hard.

[idontknowwhattosay]

lightlySleepy

I'm amazed to be in the minority but I think he's being totally unreasonable. OP does not need to woman up, her husband needs to be able to plan in advance and not do whatever he feels like, leaving her to get on with sorting out the mess he's made. He's not a child, if he has changed his mind about the match, then he can sort all the logistics out without leaving it all for his -mother- wife to sort out.

It doesn't matter how long the flight is, being in an airport with a baby is a pain and so much worse with all the luggage to cart around. It's not her problem to be burdened with while he has a jolly time!


This totally.
She checked with him prior to booking. And would have made different arrangements to suit him. Now he has changed his mind.
he needs to make it easier for her not harder. Why should she be looking after everything while he dumps all responsibility onto her.
Shes not his mother, the baby and belongings are a joint responsibility, not hers alone.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

He can leave a suitcase with family and collect after. Lots of people travel alone with children and manage. It’s hardly a hardship.

He wants to go and it would be very controlling to tell him he can’t.

[Lenny1987]

@icecreamandcandyfloss

His family are 4 hours away, so he cannot leave cases with them. Which part is controlling? When somebody in a partnership changes their mind at the last minute and these changes will negatively impact you financially and logistically, it is controlling to say you dont think that's ok? So do you just say yes to anything in case you are controlling by saying it doesn't really work?

[phoenixrosehere]

Yanbu OP.

Some posters need to actually RTFT in its entirety instead of chiming in what they can and can’t do when it comes to traveling with luggage and a small child. The unnecessary smugness just wafts from these posts and accusing OP of martyrdom is 🙄.

OP asked him beforehand and he said no. He’s changed his mind last minute and leaving it to his wife to sort who again asked him and was willing to plan for it. OP is also returning to work right after the trip.

It doesn’t even seem he has a ticket yet so there is no point of him staying and spending even more money for a third weekend in a month (which he also said would have been too much when OP asked him about it) while OP is at home getting ready to head back to work after mat leave.

He should be supporting his wife not going off to a game that he himself decided his team wasn’t going to make it to.

[Phuquocdreams]

I totally missed it’s your first day back from maternity leave the following day. I’m sorry, that totally trumps a fair-weather Kerry supporter (there’s so many) going to the all-Ireland (again). You don’t need any extra stress the day before. There’s certainly no way you should be attempting to take the luggage if he does stay, that should totally be on him.

[Chocolatepeanuts]

Its your 1st day back to work?? YANBU

[mindutopia]

In this instance, I would say YANBU to not want him to go and I’d expect him to come home with you. It isn’t a once in a lifetime event and he already turned it down when you suggested it the first time, but the main reason is that you are going back to work the next day. That’s a big deal and a big transition in your family life, and as a parent, I think it’s important that he’s there and parenting with you through that. I love weekends away and my dh and both take them, but only when they don’t conflict with other important things going on with dc, work, extended family, etc.

[Teaandcrisps]

It's up to you both what you want to do. However if your OH does end up staying for the game you need for him to organise the suitcases, it will be nothing to do with you. And you also need to arrange what you get in return! A weekend baby free, a trip yourself - it has to come with strings otherwise you will carve out an unequal relationship.

[theduchessstill]

OP, you don't sound remotely controlling or inflexible. I can't believe all these responses - people are so desperate to put the boot into a woman who has raised some very legitimate concerns about this proposal that they are entirely ignoring the selfishness of the man involved.

It's completely irrelevant how easy other people have found it to take 5 children, 6 car seats and 49 suitcases on multiple long-haul flights. This is about a man messing his family around in order to watch a sporting event he had said he wouldn't go to and has already attended several times before. The fact that you are returning to work the next morning is also important - it's horrible returning from holiday with luggage to sort, a tired, probably cranky baby knowing you have to be up early for work the next morning - and returning after ML too? And him bowling up, probably pissed in the late evening? Fuck that. And personally, a sodding night out, that the OP should be able to have pretty much anytime anyway would not in anyway make up for that.

Good luck OP - I hope he sees sense and that you have a lovely holiday and your return to work goes well.

[NerdyBird]

You're not being unreasonable.
You asked him before booking and he said no, his team wouldn't make and he'd had plenty of time to himself.

It's quite a lot of extra money, and he doesn't have a ticket. So really, it's £200 and a harder time for you just so he can watch it in a pub. And it's not just the flight, it's getting home after, sorting out baby and holiday stuff and getting ready for work on your own.

He's also been to the final before, so it's not his only chance.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

I'm actually so confused by the amount of people who are being so smug and nasty.

I've travelled with three children on my own. One of which was a baby, one under 5 and one older plus bags, pram and car seat etc.

It's bloody hard work and no way would I do it unless I absolutely had to!

My DH is a huge football fan. His team is massively important to him and he is a lifelong supporter. There is no way he would do this and leave me in the shit and he has been known to be selfish when it comes to this sort of thing (pre having a family I should add).

YANBU.

[Ginger1982]

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss controlling? FFS 🙄

[LittlePaintBox]

Fucket:

If he expects you to be primary carer so he can still play at being one of the lads you need to issue a wake up call.

Yes. This. It isn't just about this as a one-off, it's about him having refused to plan ahead for what you could see coming, and about all the extra effort you're going to have to put in while he's on his jolly, etc.

When is the OP realistically going to get the opportunity to do something similar to even things up (even if money is no object)? She has a small baby and is going back to work. The only way to make it fair is for both partners to pull their weight, and unfortunately that doesn't always just happen, boundaries have to be set and expectations spelt out.

As for all the people on this thread who are regularly travelling with huge amounts of luggage and small children - well done! But that isn't what the OP wanted to do or chose to do. I was on my own a lot with the children when they were small because travelling abroad was part of my DH's job, I knew that before we had kids. I don't see the relevance to a situation which the OP tried to plan for, and the DH didn't co-operate, and then sprung it on her at the last minute. Everything isn't about you!

[clairefrasier]

OP, yanbu. You are not being inflexible. He changed the goalposts at the last minute. I don’t really get why posters are making out that’s it’s not difficult flying with a 10 month old and telling you to woman up. Yours and DHs primary role is to make sure your baby ok - not to indulge his need of attending match at last min and then he sulks cos he wants you to take all the luggage and a baby on your own. Wtf! He needs to man upsnd start behaving like a parent. If you had prearranged and both agreed, then that’s different. It’s your first day back to work as well so could do without this travelling nonsense!

[StCharlotte]

If he does go to the match, I hope his team get humiliated.

[MrsLoganEcholls]

Another saying YANBU

[RocketRacoonsFurryBalls]

Your husband is being incredibly selfish and thoughtless, as well as having a short memory.

I would be really unhappy about this.

[Lenny1987]

I came on here to genuinely ask whether I was being unreasonable. I have had some really helpful comments about how to navigate around the problems best, e.g. luggage lockers etc. That were really helpful. I honestly didnt want to create a husband bashing thread, my husband is fab, but on occasions I think he forgets his situation, and considers options that a year ago would have been less awkward. I appreciated hearing people who watch gaa as much as he do make clear the importance of the match. I also appreciated the supportive comments. What I dont understand is why some other women want to insult and criticise calling me controlling, pathetic, inflexible, woman up, rather than offer suggestions of advice . I didnt expect everybody to agree with me, far from it, but I also try to be respectful of all. Thank you everybody who constructively commented x

[Damntheman]

You were so not being unreasonable OP.

I'm pretty shocked at all the players who think expecting basic consideration from a partner and father is being a martyr. Unbelievable.

He needs to grow up. Family comes first not some sports match that he can watch later.

[soulrider]

Is part of your luggage allowance not tied to your husband's ticket? So even if you were willing to fly home with all the luggage it might not be possible

[Ginseng1]

I don't think unreasonable. Its annoying especially as u back to work next day. That's stressful enough. I am Irish get the all Ireland fuss my family gaa fanatics they would never have book the early flight tho! Are u not worried if they win he would not make the eve flight with the celebrations?