Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect husband to travel home with us?

264 replies

Lenny1987 · 22/08/2019 21:44

Going on holiday to ireland on Saturday. Husband is irish, so we are spending the week in his village. We are travelling back the following sunday, all ireland final day. His team is in the final. When we were booking the flights I mentioned this to him, and he said his team wouldn't get there, and he had enough on that month (a stag weekend, and a weekend in dublin at the hurling final). Now the time has come, his team are there, and he wants to spend £200 on a new flight later that night so he can watch the match. This means I am travelling home from an 8 day holiday with all our stuff and a 10month old baby. He asked my opinion, and now hes annoyed that I dont think it's ok. His team get to this match regularly and he has been to it before. I have suggested not looking at social media and watching immediately as we return.

OP posts:
DAKL · 23/08/2019 00:13

Definetly let him to the match . The all Ireland football final is massive here. If he is from Dublin well they are having a great run and if he is from Kerry they haven't been so lucky the last few years and are such a passionate football county! It's an experience not to be missed !

beethebee · 23/08/2019 00:19

Although I don't really think the traveling in itself is an issue, I still think yanbu OP.

No reason in the world why he should get to swan off unencumbered for an expensive treat while you get lumped with all the donkey work as if it's your 'job' by default to sort it.

cstaff · 23/08/2019 00:20

Hey OP. I get the feeling that the reason you are getting a hard time on here is because most of your replies are coming from irish people who really get how big the All Ireland is. It would be on the same level as the FA Cup final. So I wouldn't take it too personally Grin. It's just a game. Btw I am irish in case you are in any doubt 😂😂

0DimSumMum0 · 23/08/2019 00:56

Honesty I really don't see what the problem is? I get that you have a young baby and luggage but as the others have said if he can take some of the luggage with him then?? I mean you are both adults and it's not like it's a long haul flight.

Nerio · 23/08/2019 01:07

I'm sure many people travel with children and luggage but why would you if you don't have to? Martyrdom is so pathetic.

Especially since you asked and he said no. If he now changed his mind I'd fully expect him to deal with all the luggage.

LittlePaintBox · 23/08/2019 01:21

If he wants to go to the match, he definitely needs to bring some stuff back with him, and he can sort out how he does that, not you.

teachermam · 23/08/2019 01:22

Stop it's the all Ireland and he's got a ticket

He must go

TheKrakening3 · 23/08/2019 01:22

Baby in sling then both hands free for luggage. Use a trolley if you have to. It is mildly tiresome, not crazily difficult or impossible.

SeaToSki · 23/08/2019 01:32

If you can afford the extra flight...

Both go to the airport to check you in, you check into your flight with baby, he checks into his flight with luggage. You say goodbye and go through security and catch plane, he goes back to watch the match and comes back for his flight later with just his small carryon (if he even has one). Most airlines will let you check in your luggage really early if you want to

If you cant afford the extra flight, he comes home as planned and next time might think ahead a little more.

pallisers · 23/08/2019 02:58

I'm Irish. The guy is from kerry - they go to the All Ireland all the time. It isn't exactly a unique event.

He also went to the hurling all ireland this same month, And on a stag weekend. And said he didn't want to go to the AI (when booking their tickets)

He is seriously taking the piss.

I might suck it up and hire porters for the luggage etc (No you can't woman up and take a 10 month old and 2 weeks of luggage through an airport without help - I've tried it) but he would seriously owe me if I did.

All this for the chance of a ticket ...

Like I said, he is taking the piss

pallisers · 23/08/2019 03:00

Stop it's the all Ireland and he's got a ticket

He must go

Stop it's real life. l no he doesn't have a ticket and no anyone who has a ticket to the all ireland doesnt have to go.

hmga90 · 23/08/2019 03:37

Why is this turning into a husband bashing thread? If you aren’t happy with the fact you have just had one weekend away since your D.C. has been born OP then yes that needs to be addressed. Unless he is physically stopping you from going then that is your issue and entirely separate from this.

I think YABU. Take baby to the airport, get a trolley, unload the bags from the taxi, load bags on to the plane and repeat in reverse at the other end. Ideal? No. Worth a argument/drama? Definitely not.

MidniteScribbler · 23/08/2019 04:17

No you can't woman up and take a 10 month old and 2 weeks of luggage through an airport without help - I've tried it

Oh for fuck's sake, people do it all the time. I've travelled internationally four times per year since my son was six weeks old, and managed to take double our luggage allowance each time (was gradually moving household to our holiday house). You have to be organised, but a functioning human being should be able to manage it. I hate people who are so pathetic that they think that something like this is too hard.

CallItLoneliness · 23/08/2019 05:10

I do it all the time too, but OP has also said SHE does, and as her child is at an awkward age this time she doesn't want to. SHE offered to plan for this, and her H said there was no need. HE has changed plans; that shouldn't mean that she has to carry the can for that plan. She could, of course she could, but why should she? I don't follow sports, but if my favourite act announced a surprise concert in a city I was in of course I would want to go. I just wouldn't expect everyone around me to fix my life so I could do it.

Tongo · 23/08/2019 05:24

Hang on a minute. The OP checked with him this exact situation before booking flights. He was adamant he wouldn’t go. Now he’s changed his mind leaving her to deal with bags and a baby PLUS has everyone not read properly that it’s her first day back at work the next morning. 7.30am. So he’s done what he’s said he’s not going to plus leaving her to get up the next morning and sort everything out on her own on her 1st day back at work after maternity leave. That’s not right or supportive. He should be there to sort the baby out/cook her breakfast on that morning so that she can get ready for work. In this situation the OP going back to work trumps a game.

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 23/08/2019 05:32

2 suitcases and a 10 month old isn’t hard though is it? Especially if you have travelled extensively. Surely you won’t even notice?

ChipsAreLife · 23/08/2019 05:53

I'd be annoyed too. Less so about the travel solo, but more about him changing his kind and the fact you're back to work the next day.

Will he come home pissed and not be able to help with the baby in the morning?

I'm of the opinion that sometimes being a parent means you just have to miss out. Yes, it's crap but that's just life and they're not little forever.

Shoxfordian · 23/08/2019 05:53

He's being inconsiderate as he told you he didn't want to stay and now has changed his mind. I think you shld agree to it but book something for yourself another weekend

floribunda18 · 23/08/2019 06:00

There are fucking martyrs on these boards at times. Just because you can manage a baby and luggage, it doesn't mean that you should or that the OP has to, while DH gets all the fun of staying on, watching a match and drinking, plus valuable child-free time.

I would take the baby back with one piece of luggage only, and if that can't be done with DH bringing the rest of the luggage later then tough, he will have to suck it up and come home as originally planned. He has a baby now and that's life, I'm afraid.

SofiaAmes · 23/08/2019 06:00

Wow MidniteScribbler you are a joy. The world would be such a marvelous place if we were all as competent as you.

Completely unreasonable for him to expect you to travel on your own, (even if you could manage it). It's his child too and he should take on equal responsibility.

Fucket · 23/08/2019 06:07

My dh wouldn’t do this, he is a big sport fan but he is also able to read a calendar and being a big sports fan and not one of those that only come out of the woodwork when their team gets to the final, he would never have booked a flight during say, the FA cup final. He would watch it religiously whether his team was in it or not.

However if he /we had the money to spend hundreds of £££s on something like this, I would consent only if I could spend the equivalent on indulging myself, on my own without the baby.

If he expects you to be primary carer so he can still play at being one of the lads you need to issue a wake up call. Resentment will set in, and he will default to you being st home with baby so he can live the life of a lad.

I’ve seen many of my friends marriages breakdown after the wife has had enough of being the domestic servant and having to behave like their spouses mother. They usually split up when the child goes to school and the mum has more freedom to ditch the lad/loser.

Fucket · 23/08/2019 06:11

Basically parenting a child under 5 is hard work and you want to be a team and you want your spouse to put you first above a sporting match. You wouldn’t want them to struggle on a plane with a baby and luggage so you can go on the piss and watch a match that sounds like will probably have the same teams playing in a few years time anyway. It sends all the wrong signals and I’d be fucked off personally.

teraculum29 · 23/08/2019 06:54

I will be annoyed true all that unnecessary grief and hassle, when he was informed.
I think you still need to use left baggage facility as i presume the original booking was 1 suitcase each, so as he s not coming with you,so u can't take an extra suitcase without additional cost.
U can managed but remember it. We they say revenge is better served cold :p :D and

makingmammaries · 23/08/2019 07:04

YANBU. Why do people infantilise men so? Let him take care of his family’s travel as he agreed instead of disrupting everything for the sake of a sodding ball being kicked around.

SolitudeAtAltitude · 23/08/2019 07:40

I once did something like this, DH stayed on and I flew home the 1 hr flight with the one year old.

The flight was massively delayed, and I started to.ryn out of baby food. The baby had a mega-poo up to his neck, so had to change him into new clothes. The airline made me check-in the pram. The airline lost all our luggage, and DS vomited on the plane. We arrived late, with DS just wearing a diaper and my scarf. Bags gone

Yeah, piece of piss traveling with a baby and lots of luggage... if everything goes ok.

Swipe left for the next trending thread