If you are overweight you shouldn’t expect partner to find you attractive

[Farrowandbrawl]

If you have become very overweight during course of your relationship ( no health issues) is it unreasonable for other partner to no longer be attracted?
Context . One partner very very overweight unfit . Other slim and fit .
Both work . Both do equal childcare.

I don’t find overweight men attractive. My man has a good body and he is healthy, active and takes care of himself. If he gained a large amount of weight through excessive overeating and lazyness I wouldn’t be attracted to him. If I gained a lot of weight and stopping looking after myself I couldn’t really be upset if he no longer found me attractive.
This is separate from not liking someone though. My best friend is an extremely unhealthy 22 stone and I love her dearly, however he weight makes her unattractive

Er yes it'd put me off

OP, if it’s a massive weight gain, there is always an underlying problem.

Love and sex are not the same thing. Op asked if you would still find your partner attractive, not if you would love them.

No, i don't find overweight men sexually attractive. Could I love an overweight person? Yes I could but I wouldn't be sexually attracted to them.

Omg this thread is making me feel insecure and I’m actually a size 10. But pregnant and lost s lot of my charm through natural wear and tear...

I’ve been very slim and at the moment pretty overweight in the 25 years we’ve been together. My husband always says it makes no difference.

How can someone find wheezing because they can hardly walk due to carrying excess weight sexy. Yes you can love that person but it's not at all attractive to me. Sorry yes I'm shallow but people whom are in bad health are not sexy, there's a reason for this - it's not meant to be! Your hearts in danger. Your inside organs are struggling due to the excess weight, high blood pressure... Its not good. I'm not talking pregnancy here, I'm talking weight gain due to greed and gluttony.

There is nothing wrong with not sugarcoating obesity and if anyone for that matter whether it's your husband etc needs to have that discussion. You could be saving their life. My mums obese and I'm scared for her heart.

Its not shallow, it's facing the facts.

I had fatty liver due to my weight gain and crap eating habits.. If my dp didn't sit me down (well all I could do was sit down I was that unfit) god knows where I could be now.

I think you're getting a hard time here. Of course people age and change physically overtime but if my DH put on 7 stone then no, I wouldn't fancy him. I'd still love him, and want to be with him and support him to lose weight/get fit, but I just can't imagine finding someone that size sexually attractive!

Similarly, if he fancied me when we met and I was a size 10 I wouldn't expect him to be attracted to me if I was a size 20. If I was a size 14 because I'd just had a baby and hadn't lost the weight yet and he said he found me unattractive then that would be different and I wouldn't be impressed!

Winterlife

No chance it’s down to eating too much and being pretty lazy then

It would matter to me hugely. @Farrowandbrawl

Eating so much that you become unrecognisable as the person your partner chose to be with is to me a travesty of caring and loving behaviour. It's showing a complete lack of respect for your partner and ignoring what they find attractive. Or did- when they first met you.

First because when you sign up to someone for life (marriage) surely you find them physically and intellectually 'your type'?

Now we don't need go down the disability route- life changes out of their control- all v different.

For me it would show a loss of being on the same page with the same values. Regardless of sheer 'appearance'.

DH and I try very hard to keep fit, in order to be around as long as poss for the DCs, and each other.

Healthwise, it's the same as smoking or drinking. So it's irresponsible if nothing else.

We may still 'love' the person but fancying them is another matter.

I can't believe anyone thinks this doesn't matter and those that do are arguing for arguments' sake and simply being goady.

Massively overweight with no medical issues purely down to lifestyle choice is a reflection of how much the other person means to you
Well, obviously it could also be a reflection of how you feel about yourself, how happy you are, what life was like when you were growing up, what you think is normal for a person your age, etc.

But you think that his weight is primarily about you?

No, OP. If he is eating that much (I mean a weight gain of over 35 lbs), your view is very simplistic.

Physicians who specialize in obesity will all tell you it’s not as simple as you portray.

My DH is greedy and lazy. He's put on around 4 or 5 stone since we got together. I have recently started to be really put off by it to be honest.

Sex is becoming a lot less enjoyable. He crushes me when he's on top, he gets so hot and sweaty, his belly gets in the way and I'm just finding it a physical turn off now.

ravenmum

No . I think his weight is about the fact he eats too much

The fact he chooses not to lose it is because he doesn’t want to , which is a reflection of how much importance he puts on my enjoyment of sex

@Farrowandbrawl
No chance it’s down to eating too much and being pretty lazy then hmm

More chance it's depression... from living with someone with someone as judgmental as you!

SoundsAboutRight

What makes you think he’s depressed?

It all depends. Men are very visually orientated & women I think are less so when choosing partners. I've dated men when I was size 10 (aeons ago) who said I was too skinny as they like very curvy types. I also dated a horrible guy who thought anyone bigger than size 10 was obese. I don't think most people are eugh at maybe a stone over weight, after that it all depends what your preferred norm is.

I can only speak from my perspective and j honestly think I'd still find my hubby attractive no matter what. But then he's not overweight..... I'm overweight and he still fancies me.

OP, you’re never going to get a straight answer here, love and physical attraction are too intermingled. Put it this way, if all these people who would fancy their partners no matter what size they are ask them if they met their partners in a bar when they were single and their partners were 4-5 stone overweight, would they have been interested in them sexually? Nope. Not in a million. Of course you wouldn’t find your partner sexually attractive when they are that obese. Who would! As for those who say I’ve gained 7 stone and my partners still find me attractive, I really struggle to believe that. Come on people!

It’s odd that you are all jumping to ‘underlying issues’ ‘stress’ ‘depression’ ‘disorders’
OP has told you is overeating and no exercise. Some people are lazy. You don’t need to label him with a diagnosis of mental health

If the person I was with gained loads of weight I would not be as
physically attractive to them as they were when they were slimmer.I would still love them but I don't find flab after a certain point attractive. That's not shallow, what you find attractive is not a politically correct thing.

What is it you actually want from this thread OP?

Or is this just the weekly "unique" MN fat thread?

The fact he chooses not to lose it is because he doesn’t want to , which is a reflection of how much importance he puts on my enjoyment of sex
So you're sure it's not a reflection of e.g. how confident he feels about going to a gym, whether or not he thinks it's normal for a man to put on weight at his age, whether or not he grew up in a family where there wasn't much exercise ... it only / mainly reflects the fact that he can't be bothered to attract you?

Oh do fuck off dear. I suggest if you've put on too much weight and your partner has a roving eye. He was not the best man for u in the first place.

ems13

You get it exactly
It’s so bizarre that so few people seem to understand how being so overweight impacts on enjoyment of sex