Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are overweight you shouldn’t expect partner to find you attractive

505 replies

Farrowandbrawl · 22/08/2019 19:24

If you have become very overweight during course of your relationship ( no health issues) is it unreasonable for other partner to no longer be attracted?
Context . One partner very very overweight unfit . Other slim and fit .
Both work . Both do equal childcare.

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:33

So
Stop fucking belly aching and live with it .
That's what you want . You aren't willing to alter anything as much as he is.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:34

Or here's an idea
Go
Get
Legal
Advice.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:36

You're getting really annoying.

Change something or live with it and stop moaning.

I've been completely with you op bit tje excuses are as the ones you reckon your dh uses . Its
Bullshit.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:41

I walked from
My
Marriage with 000000 zero
Nothing nada

You don't need 250k

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 23/08/2019 20:42

I'm not convinced this is just about his weight. But there's an easy way to find out. Separate. If he can't find the motivation to lose weight to win you back it is never going to happen. And you might find that you enjoy life without him enough not to care.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/08/2019 20:43

Come on OP, you don’t need £250k to call time on a marriage
OP is not looking to call time on the marriage, she has said many times she loves her DH,it is his lack of motivation causing the issue, if he got more motivated involved with the DC took care of himself the marriage might work.
I don't think it is a big expectation to want a partner to take some interest in their appearance, his weight is effecting all of his life, his weight is a result of his sedentary life.
He needs to change OP. Tell him you will be having a temporary separation until you see change.
He loves you he can change.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:43

Think I'm done on this thread defending you and empathising.

Actually maybe you're as big a dick as your op.

Good luck.

NeelixFelicis · 23/08/2019 20:45

I'm not convinced this is just about his weight. But there's an easy way to find out. Separate. If he can't find the motivation to lose weight to win you back it is never going to happen. And you might find that you enjoy life without him enough not to care.

This^^

Weezol · 23/08/2019 20:45

He doesn’t have to 'agree' to unreasonable behaviour. The house sale can be forced.
You don't need to go to a solicitor to find this out. Google is your friend.

If you aren't going to do anything to change the situation don't complain about it. You are actively choosing to live this way.

LittleMy20 · 23/08/2019 20:47

I think this is unfair. I think both partners should want to be attractive to the other including physically and care about the other enough to try to look after oneself physically. I don’t think it’s shallow to not find a fat man attractive sexually - on the one hand women should be told not to just suppress their own needs and feelings and lie there and think of England abc then if we are no longer attracted to an overweight man with poor self care we are shallow? It’s not fair.

Alsohuman · 23/08/2019 20:48

@EmeraldShamrock, if you look back a few posts, OP gave not having a spare £250k as her reason for not leaving.

Original poster
Farrowandbrawl · 23/08/2019 20:50

Alsohuman

It’s not about the money
It’s about being able to buy somewhere my autistic child can still get to his specialist school

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:53

Op
I also had an autistic boy.

When I left I had nothing . It's pointless telling tasmykull find the same kind of excuse your dh does not
To
Change.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 20:54

Anyway best of luck.

Original poster
Farrowandbrawl · 23/08/2019 20:59

hellenbackagen

You are telling me that you have a child in a specialist school knowing how fucking difficult it is to get placed and you’d be able to just accept taking him out !?!
Really...?
Either you are very wealthy and fund it yourself
He’s at mainstream
Or you live in a area where special provision is easy to come by...

I’m fucked off I even have to consider this because my husband is so entitled he cannot be bothered to lose weight

And even as o wrote that... of course I’ll never disrupt my son. And I suspect my husband knows that and therefore he doesn’t give a shit

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:02

My child with autism is now 27 .

I'm not answering anymore. It's absolutely pointless just accept your lot the op. Good luck .

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:06

I'm bankrupt! Not financially able at all.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:08

And he was in mainstream for his entire education.

He now lives and works in China. He married there .

Come on op
You can do better excuses than you dh surely?

Original poster
Farrowandbrawl · 23/08/2019 21:09

hellenbackagen

Question points shows you haven’t got a clue...

hellenbackagen

I’m out now

👌🏻😂 nice one

OP posts:
Justgorgeous · 23/08/2019 21:10

If my husband piled on weight that would be a real issue for me. Likewise for him if I did. I would not find him attractive if he was obese.

Original poster
Farrowandbrawl · 23/08/2019 21:12

hellenbackagen

Lucky fucking you
Mainstream school !?nice !
Lives away from home !! Nice
able to get married!! Fuck me! All my Christmas’s would come at once if my child would ever manage one of those things let alone all!!!

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:14

Ok. Keep making excuses.
Keep accommodating your fat dh that crushes you. That's
Great!

Crack on!

Original poster
Farrowandbrawl · 23/08/2019 21:16

Who wants to know a little secret....

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:18

I had absolutely no idea my dad would
Achieve those things. Severe autism.

We could talk op! I would never ever have imagined he could achieve that .
Yet he did

I left his dad - he hadn't had sex with me in years! Erextile dysfunction.

Yes we could actually talk and maybe learn something from each other?

I left my dh and met someone else.

hellenbackagen · 23/08/2019 21:19

Dad? Ds obvs....