A MIL and a dog one......

[MilDog]

I know how much MN like to MIL bash and how divided the opinion on DDogs can be, so I'm steeling myself.....

Background on MIL:
Absolutely lovely woman who I love to bits and she's like a second mum to me.

I can count on 1 hand the number of disagreements we've had over the 20 odd years DH and I have been together. But, for all we get on, we are different personalities and have very different views on life.

Her only downside is that she can be very opinionated and the kind of person who doesn't take well to people disagreeing with her opinion. If I'm brutally honest, the reason there have probably been so few disagreements is because DH and I know when to pick our battles.

Background on DDog:
DDog is a year old and an absolute baby. I am not kidding on this, every morning he needs a cuddle when we get up before breakfast.

He is a big softie and I've seen him stand there and do nothing when other dogs have been snarling and snapping at him. That said, he is a heavy set muscular breed and weighing in at almost 30kg he could do serious damage to another dog or person if he chose to.

DC is 12 and they are best mates. DDog takes more notice of DC than me or DH, he literally has him at a word.

The situation:
A few weeks ago I was out walking DDog and a child (maybe 9/10?) was riding a scooter on the pavement towards us. Despite me having DDog on a short leash walking at heel and trying to keep us both to one side of the pavement, the child rode flat out into us hitting DDog, running over his foot making DDog yelp (I'm fairly sure it was deliberate, no reason otherwise as there was plenty of room and he could've slowed down to pass us).

No drama, but I did have a word with the child and told him to be a bit more careful in future.

A couple of days later same child went to do the same thing again, except this time DDog saw him coming and immediately started growling and snarling at him. I asked the child to stay back until we had passed as clearly DDog was frightened but the child ignored me, got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog, who at this point was still snarling and growling and baring his teeth!!

I ended up walking into the road to move DDog away from the situation.

It upset me because as I said, he's usually such a big softie especially with children and he's been around other children since the first incident and hadn't reacted at all. I contacted our dog walker (who is a behaviourist) and had a chat with her, she re-assured me it was a pure fear response but still we've arranged for her to do some sessions with me and DDog to try and get him over this fear and help me distract him and keep him calm if we are ever in a similar situation.

The MIL/DDog problem:
DH and I are supposed to be going to an event this weekend that means we'll be out from around 6pm to 11.30pm (but only 20 minutes from home). DC is quite happy to stay home (lots of family and friends within 10 minutes of our house if needed in an emergency), we've arranged to have him a takeaway delivered from our local place (where the owners know him and us) and dog walker is coming to take DDog out between 7pm and 8pm, after which DDog will do his usually sleep on the sofa and refuse to move.

But MIL has decided that DDog can no longer be trusted around DC and is coming round to sit with him.

Now, normally I couldn't get too worked up over this and this is a perfect example of where I would usually smile and nod and just let her crack on.

However, she is bringing DN with her as she is babysitting for the night. DN is younger than DC and a bit of a handful and DC has said he doesn't want DN here. I think he feels like his "grown up evening" is being ruined and he's a bit gutted.

My second issue with is that DN is not too keen on DDog, not full on fear but nervous because of DDogs size and having not been around dogs very much. DDog can get very boisterous when we have visitors (think of a toddler who's been fed 1kg of sweets) so he goes in his crate - I don't really want him locked in his crate most of the evening while DH and I aren't here!!

My AIBU dilemma:

1. Do DH and I put our foot down and tell MIL she is not to come round with DN, which will probably cause an unholy row and potentially could make life difficult for a while.

2. Smile and let her crack on to keep the peace - and also maybe I am BU leaving DC13 alone with DDog??

For full disclosure, we didn't actually tell MIL about our plans, no reason other that it just hasn't come up but she asked DC about it and it's him she's told she's coming round - she had t actually said anything to us (which I suspect is because she knows we'll push back....,)

What the hell do we do and are DH and I BU????

He was telling the child to back off as he remembered being hurt by him!

The next time this dog sees a child on scooter and snarls, growls and bares his teeth with the OP having to pull him out of into the road, that’s ok then?

kind of think you’re on a wind-up, NoSauce, as you should surely understand by now!

Absolutely not, just because I have a different opinion doesn’t mean I’m on the wind up.

YABU letting your MIL dictate your lives for the sake of keeping the peace. That's a terrible example to set for your DC. Do you want him to grow up to be a pathetic people pleaser?

12 yo is plenty old enough to be left alone for an evening.

He was telling the child to back off as he remembered being hurt by him!

The next time this dog sees a child on scooter and snarls, growls and bares his teeth with the OP having to pull him out of into the road, that’s ok then?

I don't know much about dogs (obvious from my posts, I suspect).

Could a dog differentiate between two scooter-riding children? One who hurt him twice and another who might be less of a brat? Albeit the dog's a "softie" and an "absolute baby".

Most children look alike to me (except my own and those I've met a bit more than twice).

So isn't it reasonable to think this dog of undisclosed breed (why? Is it just because it's a breed you can't abbreviate and stick "ie" on the end? Like, eg, Rotties and Staffies, to make them sound a bit cuter than their reputation might suggest) could be a danger to a random scooter-riding child?

The dog reacted to being hurt. He saw the child and remembered what had happened last time and gave warning when the child ignored the OP's warning of not approaching and did so anyway. The OP was being a responsible owner by keeping her dog on lead and away from the child, who pursued the dog ignoring all warning and being a brat.

It doesn't make the dog dangerous. OP has stated this is out of character for him and a one off occasion. She didn't say her dog had been on a rampage eating children on scooters.

Hang on. I've just re-read the OP.
I did the child a disservice in my post.

It didn't hurt the dog twice. The second time it got off its scooter and went to try to stroke the dog.

That was very stupid, but chilren do seemingly stupid things until they learn better.

Reframing the incident, could the child have felt bad about hurting Ddog initially, got off its scooter to avoid frightening it and wanted to stroke it to make friends?

@TwoPupsandaHamster my post was in response to the poster who said that she was in full control of a GSD at the age of 8. Which is obviously rubbish.

It’s very clear that NoSauce not only hates dogs, but expects them to be complete robots and control themselves 100%

If a grown adult can’t do it, why do they expect an animal to?

It’s very clear that NoSauce not only hates dogs, but expects them to be complete robots and control themselves 100%

You couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. I have had dogs all my life, I’m just sick of reading about yet another child being killed or maimed by some “big softie” of a “family pet”.

I don’t have an issue with a 12 year old who wants to be left being left for an evening.

I do have a problem with a 12 year old being left alone with a dog too big for him to control who has recently exhibited some unexpected, if understandable, aggressive behaviour.

@TwoPupsandaHamstermy post was in response to the poster who said that she was in full control of a GSD at the age of 8. Which is obviously rubbish

In your opinion. My 10 year old dd was Young dog handler of the year 9 years ago.

You realise there's a huge difference between a dog being in its own environment and being told, "In your bed/lie down quiet/go to your crate" or whatever the family usually instructs the dog to do to call it down than having squirrels running free in the home for the dog to chase? Let's be honest squirrels in the home isn't a likely scenario is it??

I've read most of the tread but skimmed towards the end.

I'm not sure you can guarantee the dog is safe to be alone with your DS atm. But that doesn't mean your MIL should come round, especially with another child.

My solution would be to explain MIL's worries to DS and that if he wants an evening to himself he needs to agree that the dog will be put in another room for the evening, with crate available but not shut in. It's just one evening.

Your DH should deal with his mother. Her concerns are not unreasonable but her remedy is.

I would tell MIL to back off.

Thank her for her concern but the answer is a firm no.

“In your opinion. My 10 year old dd was Young dog handler of the year 9 years ago.”

He was obviously brilliant. But if for whatever reason, a big dog decided to take off, he wouldn’t have been able to stop him. And of course there won’t be squirrels in the house. But the doorbell might ring, there might be a unexpected noise- and this is a dog which has shown itself to be less predictable than they thought he was. No fault of the dog- just w fact. So why take the risk- however small?

Which is obviously rubbish.

No it fucking wasn't.

Bertrand
The Dog in OP's (and most cases) is absolutely fine. You, on the other hand are absolutely barking mad! The difference between calming a dog in its own home, in contrast to handling it outdoors' with small rodents to chase, are polar opposites! I wouldn't expect you to understand that though 🙄

There's those who can and those who can't. Don't tar everyone with your brush!

Tbf nobody apart from the OP knows whether this dog is absolutely fine. Just because you think it is means nothing.

No Sauce what leads you to believe the dog is not fine?

What makes you so certain he is? None of us know this dog, it’s ridiculous to say it’s safe when you have never met it.

It's also ridiculous to say he's not safe if you've never met him. It works both ways. You can't judge a dog you've never met, regardless of the breed.

The OP will make the decision she feels is best. She knows the dog and her DC best.

The OP will make the decision she feels is best. She knows the dog and her DC best

If that's true (and it sounds reasonable) why do you think she opened this thread? Asking I she is BU?

Maybe because MIL made her doubt herself? I know people questioning my decisions have made me doubt myself in the past. I can ask for others opinions, doesn't mean they are right.

Ultimately, I am most qualified to make decisions for my DC, like the OP is most qualified to make decisions for her DC and dog. No one should be judged for doing what they think is best.

Fair enough.

“The difference between calming a dog in its own home, in contrast to handling it outdoors' with small rodents to chase, are polar opposites! I wouldn't expect you to understand that though ”

Why wouldn’t I know that? . I just think that there’s a risk here. I am not usually risk averse, but a dog that is almost certainly fine, but has shown itself very recently to be a bit more unpredictable than it’s owner thought. So why put dog and child in a potentially difficult situation?

Insane to introduce another child into the mix, though.

Side note though, I would attempt to find out who this child is and make his parents aware! He can't do that, one day he may either seriously hurt a dog, or be seriously hurt by another dog if he's doing things like that!
I'd definitely do this. There's posters calling him a little shit etc, but as someone else said the fact that he put his hand out meant there's a chance he was sorry. Whether he is cruel horrible or just didnt react , he's oblivious about dogs, which his parents need to know about or soon he's going to deal with a dog that won't give a warning!