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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never see the baby?

183 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 21/08/2019 08:22

This might sound odd, but my next door neighbours had a baby last year - he would be nearly one.

I can hear him crying and I occasionally see the neighbours carrying a baby carrier to the car, but I have never seen them leave the house pushing a pram and all through the summer they were never in the garden with him that I saw.

I chat to them occasionally and understand he is doing well, starting to walk. I know there could be health problems they don’t want to mention - but it’s odd to never see him at all.

We live in new builds with smallish gardens - I garden a lot, and we have been sitting out a lot in the summer. My daughter plays in the garden. We are very quiet, so we aren’t driving them inside. Neither my daughter, boyfriend or I have ever seen them even carrying the baby outside.

None of my business I know - but given the amazing weather we have had all summer it just seems a bit strange.

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 22/08/2019 02:54

I never said you were a bad person.

If you continue answering, people will continue answering back. They're answering for the same reason you are.

greenlynx · 22/08/2019 05:48

In real life people buy baby gifts and notice their neighbours.
It’s odd that you never saw the baby especially considering your updates about shared drive and parents often being out in the garden Of course, there is a reasonable explanation but still it’s odd. I would ask next time when you bump into them.

Nannewnannew · 22/08/2019 06:10

Dippypippy1980 oh OP I think you are having a hard time on here! I can understand where you are coming from but unfortunately it seems that even MILs aren’t allowed to see babies these days, let alone random strangers!

Bluewall · 22/08/2019 07:13

My neighbors gave me presents when all of my kids were born and that was in 2 different houses. Some of them I hardly speak to but I didn't think it was weird just a nice gesture. (We also got gifts from neigbours of our parents and people they worked with etc most of who I have never and will never meet !!)

We also had a similar neighbor in the past and we never saw the kids of the mum. In fact I only suspected they had a second child as I recognised the midwife when she visited a few times from when I had my own DC.

I did find if strange but I don't think anything sinister was going on. Just obviously a different type of person. Although in this case we never saw the mum either even when we handed in parcels etc so I wondered if she had anxiety issues with going out etc not sure !

Don't who why people are being nasty OP I think it's a reasonable thing to wonder ! Have you ever asked after the baby ? Like how is little one getting on ? He must be nearly walking by now or something ?

Ragwort · 22/08/2019 07:27

I think you are right to care OP, everyone is so uptight and intent on privacy theses days and it is easy to ignore people who might just not be coping very well. I know someone locally who had a baby, we did chat a bit on a superficial level, she never seemed very happy, never seemed to have friends or be with other young mothers with children ... last time I saw her I asked after her DS and she told me she had given him up for adoption as she found it so hard to cope Sad. I know that it Is an extreme example but it happened very recently and maybe if society cared more in a ‘it takes a village’ type way that wouldn’t have happened.

BusterGonad · 22/08/2019 07:27

There are some really weird people on this thread, I think a lot of people don't actually take their kids anywhere and are getting a little bit defensive!
When my son was born our neighbors brought a present round for us. Not weird at all. It's threads like this that make me think the average Mumsnetters is batshit.

SoyDora · 22/08/2019 07:37

Our next door neighbours also bought us a present when our baby was born, and dropped a note in saying if we needed any help then to ask. The woman across the road sent a card and offered to take my older DC to school in the mornings if I was struggling to get out of the house with the baby. It’s nice to be kind! I’m

MonnieMoo · 22/08/2019 07:58

When I had my first I had an unprecedented anxiety spike that over a period of time became agoraphobia. The only times I could leave the house were for his check up appointments, but I couldn’t leave the house alone and took days of psyching myself up beforehand and lots of cancelling and rescheduling. It took a lot of work to get myself past that, about a year in all. I was fine with him inside the house, we sang, played, danced, cuddled and all was fine. As soon as it came to leaving the house I would turn into a puddle of stress and nerves. We didn’t live in a good area and I was terrified of something happening to him, or doing something silly or wrong in front of people and having him taken away. It was absolutely awful and I would never wish it on my worst enemy. Some people just feel safer at home when they have such a young, fragile baby to look after, not always anxiety related either.

Original poster
Dippypippy1980 · 22/08/2019 08:18

Mooniemoo - that must have been terrifying. Anxiety is dreadful.

Hope you are doing better💐

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 22/08/2019 08:50

buster or people just have a different lifestyle/preference to you?

How tf does that make them weird?

EmilyStar · 22/08/2019 09:06

I’ve read OP’s update about how often they see the neighbours now, and given that, I’m inclined to agree that it’s a bit odd to not have seen the baby even once.

There could of course be perfectly innocent and reasonable reasons for it, but you’d think that by chance OP would be likely to have spotted the baby at least once when they bump into the neighbours so often.

As for baby presents / cards - we’ve received these from neighbours when our DC were born, we’ve given these to neighbours who’ve had babies. We don’t know any of them well. I didn’t realise that was so unusual!

BusterGonad · 22/08/2019 09:25

@LiveInAHidingPlace what's weird are the people giving the op a hard time for wondering why she's never seen the neighbours baby in a year. Calling her all sorts of names, and then someone things she's strange for buying her neighbour a present when she had a baby. Fucking hell. Some people.....

LiveInAHidingPlace · 22/08/2019 09:31

buster if she's not close enough to go and visit them, it seems unnecessary to buy them a present.

I buy presents for friends and family, not people whose house I haven't been inside.

And

cees · 22/08/2019 09:36

I have bought gifts when neighbours have had babies, its hardly odd. Also had gifts from neighbours when i had my own babies. It seems a lot of poster have personalized the op and are getting very defensive.

A childs safety is more important then peoples sense of outrage in this instance.

ParkheadParadise · 22/08/2019 10:23

I buy my neighbours a gift, when they have a baby( I thought everyone done this)
Last month I bought my neighbours son and wife a baby gift, I don't know them. They sent a thank you card.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 22/08/2019 10:25

I couldn't pick my neighbours out of a line up so why would I buy them a present?

Jade218 · 22/08/2019 10:27

You are nosy. The type of neighbour that makes me not want neighbours!

Jade218 · 22/08/2019 10:30

@Dippypippy1980 - fair play to you though for accepting and owning that you are being unreasonable! Lol

BusterGonad · 22/08/2019 10:42

My neighbors bought a gift when I had my son, and we had only lived there for 3 months, and he wasn't even home with us as he was in the neonatal unit. What weirdos! I should've handed it back and told them not to be so offensive!

ParkheadParadise · 22/08/2019 10:50

I should've handed it back and told them not to be so offensive!
😂😂😂😂

Jade218 · 22/08/2019 11:33

@BusterGonad - lol they're just being nice??!

PumpkinP · 22/08/2019 11:51

Probably depends where you live as I never even got a congratulations so I would be surprised if I barely knew came round with presents. The op has seen the baby she said she sees them carrying it to and from the car or maybe they are just pretending it’s in there 😂 🙄

Evilspiritgin · 22/08/2019 12:03

She’d seen them carrying a car seat not the baby inside , I honestly don’t think I was still carrying my baby in the car seat when he was a year old

LiveInAHidingPlace · 22/08/2019 12:04

Who the hell said anything about offensive?

People can be so silly on here. Just stick to what was actually said.

PumpkinP · 22/08/2019 12:13

So do you think they are just carrying it for show then Evilspiritgin 😂 I guess you probably think the crying is just recordings aswell.

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