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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never see the baby?

183 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 21/08/2019 08:22

This might sound odd, but my next door neighbours had a baby last year - he would be nearly one.

I can hear him crying and I occasionally see the neighbours carrying a baby carrier to the car, but I have never seen them leave the house pushing a pram and all through the summer they were never in the garden with him that I saw.

I chat to them occasionally and understand he is doing well, starting to walk. I know there could be health problems they don’t want to mention - but it’s odd to never see him at all.

We live in new builds with smallish gardens - I garden a lot, and we have been sitting out a lot in the summer. My daughter plays in the garden. We are very quiet, so we aren’t driving them inside. Neither my daughter, boyfriend or I have ever seen them even carrying the baby outside.

None of my business I know - but given the amazing weather we have had all summer it just seems a bit strange.

OP posts:
Pringlemunchers · 21/08/2019 09:10

I can't believe everyone on this thread. It is natural to wonder. She is not banging on the door or peaking through the window. I remember reading a very very sad story about a poor little boy , four, who's mum died suddenly at home and he was found cuddled to his mum's body two weeks later, dead of starvation. Maybe , if we all took a bit of notice of others things like this will never happen.

whattodowith · 21/08/2019 09:16

We don’t really use our garden very much, we’re not generally at home all that often tbh. If you see them taking the car seat out to the car then I’d guess they prefer going out to playing in the garden.

Transpeaked · 21/08/2019 09:21

I had a neighbour like this. Had the nerve to say, in front of one of my children: 'oh, they are still with you. I hadn't seen them in the garden recently, I thought they'd been taken from you.' Perhaps that's because there are so many more place to explore than one' sown back yard?

Stop being so nosey.

S1naidSucks · 21/08/2019 09:24

I can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being OP! Really! I’m disgusted with your attitude!

How dare you take on board Posters’ opinions and accept that you were being unreasonable. Don’t you know that you’re supposed to disagree with us all, throw a temper tantrum and flounce off? Seriously OP, I can only assume you’re new to Mumsnet. 😁

cees · 21/08/2019 09:25

Its a concern, could be anything but you are right to ponder if its normal. How many kids come out after years of abuse at home and wish the neighbours took more notice.

More then likely its nothing but how on earth do all the posters telling you to wind your neck in know that.

Their are a lot of posters making this situation personal, i understand that but its not, its only about making sure a child is safe.

NewAccount270219 · 21/08/2019 09:29

I think that unless you're watching obsessively there could be a lot of times they go out that you miss. I'm always astonished by how long I can go without seeing some of my neighbours - months - even though we all use the same communal carpark (and the cars move around so no one is housebound) and paths to leave and enter our homes. I used to see one neighbour every single morning then I started leaving 10 minutes earlier and haven't seen him since!

TheGoogleMum · 21/08/2019 09:29

I have a 9 month old and didn't sit in our garden with her all summer. Whenever she's near grass she tries to eat it and it isn't like we have lots to do in the garden, also there's the burn risk to consider. She moves aroubd a lot so couldn't keep her on a blanket very easily to stop her eating grass. We have sat outside when socialising just not at home.

Nixen · 21/08/2019 09:31

I’m with you, it’s odd. I know someone like this, never does anything with her baby, never puts her down, and now that the babies are approaching one the difference in development between her child and the other children is vast.

ElizaDee · 21/08/2019 09:32

Nonnymum Wed 21-Aug-19 08:29:50
It's not unusual to not sit on the garden with a baby. You can't relax in the garden with a non walking baby anyway not can you garden so I don't think that's odd at all.

I'd have thought it would be easier to do those things with a stationary baby Confused

edgeofheaven · 21/08/2019 09:32

My friend's baby had severe eczema and she was extremely worried about taking her outside in case anything irritated it further. To be honest I think she had mild PND as well so they stayed inside a lot. Luckily both have improved so now she's more out and about.

NewAccount270219 · 21/08/2019 09:33

Also, we basically live in our garden (we like it and our one year old seems to be feral and cheers up the moment he gets outside a built structure) but I think we're quite unusual in this - and it definitely isn't relaxing because he certainly won't sit nicely on a picnic blanket but isn't nearly old enough to be trusted not to start eating stones etc (we had a fun time googling some random flower he stuck in his mouth the other day - turns out it was perfectly safe and you can use it in salads!)

User12879923378 · 21/08/2019 09:34

We are outdoor people as our most of our neighbours but I can name at least two babies of the same age as ours who we've run into about twice over the last 18 months. I wouldn't worry, OP.

Deathraystare · 21/08/2019 09:34

Times have certainly changed since I was young (in the 60's). Prams (obvs with babies in) were left in the garden (in the shade) and was a regular thing unless it was raining of course.

NewAccount270219 · 21/08/2019 09:35

I'd have thought it would be easier to do those things with a stationary baby confused

Moving but not yet walking is quite a difficult period to have a baby in a garden because they are going to crawl through filth and we just accept that (as I said, our baby seems to be feral) but a lot of the mums I know wouldn't like it

Lovemenorca · 21/08/2019 09:36

Pop around perhaps? See if she’d like to join you and your daughter with baby in your garden for a cup of tea

Raphael34 · 21/08/2019 09:38

I also agree it’s odd op. It’s funny when a serious case of child abuse is reported there are so many people quick to slag off the neighbours who noticed something ‘odd’, but decided to mind their own business. Saying that, the baby not getting taken out much isn’t necessarily completely odd (or abuse), and they could be in and out all day with the baby and you just haven’t seen them (unless you’re literally spying on them all day). Is there any way you can befriend them and invite mum round for a cuppa one day? It could be that she’s struggling. If not then I’d just keep a little eye on the situation as the child gets older

TapasForTwo · 21/08/2019 09:38

Amazing weather? Not in these parts.

Not where I live either Ursula
June was cold and wet, July was very pleasant, and August just feels like autumn. Although the bank holiday weather sounds promising.

FredaNerkk · 21/08/2019 09:44

Why are you people still posting? RTFT!!

Ragwort · 21/08/2019 09:49

I think it’s odd too, and as Raphael states, if anything was seriously wrong everyone would be berating the neighbours for ‘not having noticed anything’.

But some people do lead very private lives and just don’t want to mix with neighbours, personally I think that’s sad but maybe I am am lucky as I have always been blessed with lovely helpful neighbours and as we have moved around a lot I just had to get on and mix unless I didn’t want to meet anyone.

Enko · 21/08/2019 09:52

That would have been me op with my 1st. I dislike gardens and dont spend a lot of time in them. I am happy with a small plot of one. Just enough for a bit of green to look at. Dh fancies himself a gardner (he isnt) so wants big huge gardens. We have never had a pretty garden..

Its not that I dont think nice gardens are beautiful I do. I just know how much work they are and I don't particularly enjoy sitting out in them even if I have a book or similar.

Having said that all 4 of my children DO get out regularly and 3 of them play rugby so our neighbours did see the babies when they were young. (now all teenagers)

Ravenblack · 21/08/2019 09:54

@FredaNerkk

Why are you people still posting?

RTFT!

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! The forum police is 'ere! 👮‍♀️🚔👮🏾‍♂️

twinkletwinklelittlestar123 · 21/08/2019 09:55

I have a friend with a 4 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old and pregnant with her 4th. She never goes out due to anxiety, to the point she is homeschooling her 4 year old as she can't leave the house. They do go in garden though. You never know what may be going on in mothers life, she may be suffering from anxiety or other health problems. Or who knows, she might just drive to all places she goes and have pram in boot!

Yeahnahmum · 21/08/2019 09:55

Im with you op. It sounds really strange !!!
And all these pp's here getting so defensive and angry: get over yourselves! Babies should go outside. Not be locked inside all the time . Very unhealthy! And op is not spying. Not texting. Simply expressing a thought. ..

2beautifulbabs · 21/08/2019 10:06

I've got a 2 yr old and a 5 month old I don't go in our garden hardly because our next door neighbour has taken to thinking they live out in the country as opposed to a town so our fence is covered in bird shit due to the amount of bird feeders they have in their garden and for one I don't want my 2 year old touching bird shit
I also don't have family living close by so when I can take them out together it's usually sparse and tend to go out more on weekends or evenings when DH is able to help I really don't think you should be judging your neighbour on whether they take their child out or not 🤷‍♀️

Ravenblack · 21/08/2019 10:06

Hmmm I am in 2 minds here. On the one hand, being a bit nosey (I am sometimes to be fair,) is sometimes a good thing, as you can spot things amiss, maybe even get an early intervention on child neglect or abuse.

Other the other hand, it's not that odd for the baby to not be seen that often. When a baby is very young, many new parents will take them out (to their parents/to their friends house/to the local indoor shopping centre/to an under-ones club/to the park/for a walk, or for a drive to get them off to sleep.

Or the parents (usually mum) will be catching up on much needed sleep, while the baby is asleep (or someone else is looking after him/her for an hour or two to give her a well-earned, and much-needed break!)

And let's face it, this Spring and Summer has been a myriad of torrential rainstorms/ thunderstorms, searing heat and humidity, and unusually cold temperatures for the time of year. I have a photo DH took of me in the garden in mid June, (planting a few bedding plants,) and I had a vest top on, a long sleeved T-shirt and a thick jumper. It was EIGHT DEGREES C, and you could see your breath outside! IN MID JUNE! Shock

So we have had quite a lot of 'extremes' of weather that would not be suitable to take a little baby outside in, since early Spring really.

Good for you for caring/being concerned @Dippypippy1980 but keep it low-key... Smile Don't make her feel you are concerned or wondering why the baby is never/rarely seen..

Nothing wrong with being a bit nosey, not TOO much though; as you may drive the neighbour away/alienate her.