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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Never see the baby?

183 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 21/08/2019 08:22

This might sound odd, but my next door neighbours had a baby last year - he would be nearly one.

I can hear him crying and I occasionally see the neighbours carrying a baby carrier to the car, but I have never seen them leave the house pushing a pram and all through the summer they were never in the garden with him that I saw.

I chat to them occasionally and understand he is doing well, starting to walk. I know there could be health problems they don’t want to mention - but it’s odd to never see him at all.

We live in new builds with smallish gardens - I garden a lot, and we have been sitting out a lot in the summer. My daughter plays in the garden. We are very quiet, so we aren’t driving them inside. Neither my daughter, boyfriend or I have ever seen them even carrying the baby outside.

None of my business I know - but given the amazing weather we have had all summer it just seems a bit strange.

OP posts:

manicmij · 21/08/2019 12:47

As long as you have no concerns re neglect don't worry. Gone are the days when babies were put to sleep in a pram outside in a garden. When the little thing gets mobile you will possible see him more.

fanniboz · 21/08/2019 12:53

I can sorta relate, although I've never been concerned about mine. I live next door to a young family with a small child and very rarely see her, just hear her through the wall or out in the garden sometimes. I do sometimes think it's odd I live right through the wall but never see her but I always assume she's out constantly and it's all down to me only leaving the house to walk the dog

villainousbroodmare · 21/08/2019 13:12

A strange society where you would have zero relationship with the people who live around you. Are most of you British?

Aprillygirl · 21/08/2019 13:43

For you to know so much about what your neighbours are and are not doing you obviously don't get out much OP. Perhaps the neighbours might start their own thread with their concerns about you and your dd being cooped up at home all day.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 21/08/2019 13:45

" strange society where you would have zero relationship with the people"

Yes, there are only two extremes, people who watch everything their neighbours do and people who have no contact with anyone ever.

tirednhungry247 · 21/08/2019 13:56

when it comes to reporting people to SS people are all for it, but when a poster shows concern about a possible issue she’s ‘weird’ and gets told to mind her own business

What concern? It's really no ones business
Imagine ringing SS

"I never ever see my neighbours?"
Sounds like my dream come true!

Batcrazymum3 · 21/08/2019 13:57

I'm with you OP. All these comments telling you to get a life are the people we see on the news after really bad news saying " we never suspected a thing".

It is unusual to live next to anyone for a year and never see them. Yes, people have nosy neighbors that annoy them but to never see a baby going in and out of their home (depending of course how often you are there ) is strange.

Batcrazymum3 · 21/08/2019 14:01

like honestly think of this scenario.... News breaks that something awful has happened to a child and the neighbors come out and say "yeah, I haven't seen the baby in a year but I just thought I would mind my own"

there would be an out cry of being totally careless.

Buyitinbamboo · 21/08/2019 14:02

My neighbour directly below me didn't even know we had a baby til she was 9 months old and knocked on the door about something and I answered holding the baby. She didn't really notice I was pregnant then I guess we just kept missing each other when I went out (I went out every single day!)

LiveInAHidingPlace · 21/08/2019 14:04

"All these comments telling you to get a life are the people we see on the news after really bad news saying " we never suspected a thing"."

Well of course with most people you never suspect a thing because for the vast majority of people there is nothing to suspect. Normal people go around doing normal things but murderers also don't go around with a massive sign round their neck.

What kind of draconian nightmare do you live in that you think we should all go around reporting people for doing nothing?

If you see abuse or signs of it, of course go ahead and report. What the hell do you expect ss to do about someone doing literally nothing?

Glad I don't live in the UK if this is what passes for Normal.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 21/08/2019 14:04

I'm so baffled that anyone would even begin to notice this.
My idea of hell. The twitchy curtained neighbour keeping tabs.

I'm baffled by your attitude!

Do people really think it's odd that op has noticed that her NDN do not seem to go out with their baby? Nobody has said that op is hanging over their fence spying n them. She's just remarking on something odd she's noticed in a year. People live with other people; they don't live in hermetically sealed bubbles by themselves.

By the same token, if you lived next door to an older person and suddenly realised you hadn't seen them for ages, would you think oh well, or go round and see if they're OK?

What would you like your neighbours to do if they hadn't seen you? You could have had an accident and be lying, unable to move.

ParkheadParadise · 21/08/2019 14:07

I can remember my neighbours making a comment about dd2 being in the garden all day. Both my dd's spent hours in the garden, in their prams during the day.
They would sleep for hours outside.

PuffHuffle5 · 21/08/2019 14:08

op has noticed that her NDN do not seem to go out with their baby?

Did you read the OP? They do, in the car - they’ve been seen with baby in the car seat going to the car. The OP seems to take issue with them not walking out from home with the pram and not sitting in the garden.

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 21/08/2019 14:10

Back gardens are pretty boring for non walking babies. I have a 9 month old and was looking forward to getting out in the garden with him over the summer but it’s actually really impractical. Once they’re on the move and have mastered running around, I’m sure it’s completely different.

PuffHuffle5 · 21/08/2019 14:18

Once they’re on the move and have mastered running around, I’m sure it’s completely different.

It’s great fun for my DS, trying to wander into the flower bed and putting dirt and pebbles in his mouth, rearranging all the garden gnomes not so fun for me tbh, I make the effort and let him play out there most days when it’s sunny but can’t blame anyone for avoiding that if it’s not their thing.

Purpleartichoke · 21/08/2019 14:18

Your definition of amazing weather may be different than theirs.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 21/08/2019 14:23

"I'm baffled by your attitude!"

She has seen the baby.

No, I wouldn't expect my neighbours to check on me. I live in a city and I see my neighbours once a month if that. I have no interest in anyone keeping tabs on me.

phoenixrosehere · 21/08/2019 14:49

I’m in a new build and when my DS2 was a baby I didn’t take him out in the garden until he could about walk. I’m not a fan of just sitting outside in the sun and definitely not with a small child with little to no tree cover. I also am not the biggest fan of playgroups and only went to them because DS1 had nursery at a certain time or was meeting up with another mum. I hear my neighbours, but rarely see them even though our sons are in the same class at nursery and are there til the same time, but their son does say hi when I drop DS1 at nursery. I also hear them in their garden, but since we spend most of the time on the ground floor I don’t look out (why would I?). I don’t hear them during the day nor often go out the back garden when we do go out and look to see if their home (again, why would I?).

In our last house, I only heard my neighbour and saw her once every six months and even less when I was working. However, with the house next door, I saw them only a bit more and they saw me bring DS1 home and it was maybe about the same amount of time OP described before they saw him again. He was a quiet baby as long as his needs were met and I often went out in the afternoons so rarely saw any of my neighbours.

HostofDaffodils · 21/08/2019 15:18

I don't think it is good for us not to know our neighbours. Occasionally, there may be people who are hostile and who it is better to keep away from.

But I think the healthy thing is to have pleasant friendly relationships with our neighbours, while retaining some privacy in order to get on with our own lives.

Batcrazymum3 · 21/08/2019 15:50

@LiveInAHidingPlace
I'm not calling these people murders all I'm saying is bad things happen and sometimes people go unnoticed or unpunished because people dont speak up.

If someone came to my.door and said they had a concern for my child (some sort of authority, not a neighbour) I would feel nothing but comfort that people are looking out for people, especially my kids.

I also want to know what kind of phenomenal strength these people carrying their baby to the car in a carrier every time. By 1 there was no way I would be carrying my 3 in their seats.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 21/08/2019 15:59

bat and I never said you said they were murderers.

People don't speak up? To who? who should the OP report the crime of not being seen to? The summer garden inspection police who will check the neighbours are spending the requisite amount of time in their garden every day?

LiveInAHidingPlace · 21/08/2019 16:00

And if someone came to my door and told me they were concerned about my child because they hadn't seen me, I'd think they were a sad, nosy bastard with no friends.

Batcrazymum3 · 21/08/2019 16:06

@Dippypippy1980if your child is happy and healthy why would you be so offended what someone was concerned for them?

There is a saying here in the UK and that is Child Safety is everyone's responsibility. If OP had seen the child but was just saying they didn't let the child play in the garden that would be ridiculous but that's not what she is saying!!!!

blissfullyignorantorinpain · 21/08/2019 16:06

I have a one year old and maybe my neighbours think this too? I don't know but we do go out a lot but I will carry him into the car go to a nice park then put him in his pram for a stroll. Also go out every weekend again it's straight into the car and to the destination to have fun. We probably don't spend much time in the garden to be fair but my son is very outdoorsy.

Greywalls12 · 21/08/2019 16:15

I have an almost 5month old and rarely go out in the garden. Well, i go out there once a day with my baby to use our bubble machine because he loves it
But i wouldn't just sit out there with him, I'd be too paranoid about all the bugs/spiders/wasps crawling on me
We do go to baby classes though and walk to the shops etc. But i tend to avoid my neighbours and wait until they've gone back inside to go out as they're nosey fuckers, so they probably think the same about me.

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