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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never see the baby?

183 replies

Dippypippy1980 · 21/08/2019 08:22

This might sound odd, but my next door neighbours had a baby last year - he would be nearly one.

I can hear him crying and I occasionally see the neighbours carrying a baby carrier to the car, but I have never seen them leave the house pushing a pram and all through the summer they were never in the garden with him that I saw.

I chat to them occasionally and understand he is doing well, starting to walk. I know there could be health problems they don’t want to mention - but it’s odd to never see him at all.

We live in new builds with smallish gardens - I garden a lot, and we have been sitting out a lot in the summer. My daughter plays in the garden. We are very quiet, so we aren’t driving them inside. Neither my daughter, boyfriend or I have ever seen them even carrying the baby outside.

None of my business I know - but given the amazing weather we have had all summer it just seems a bit strange.

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 21/08/2019 10:08

You never really know whats going on. I know a couple who pretended for ages that they had their baby at home with them and they didn't. He was removed at birth and placed in care.

If your concerned OP you can phone Social Services who then then check with the health visitor that theres no problems. Some people are very private and that's fine but I think its better to be safe than sorry.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 21/08/2019 10:09

I'm with you @Dippypippy1980. Fecking odd. Would be a horrible world if we didnt take an interest in our neighbours (currently watching rain cloud direction as neighbour has gone out leaving nearly dry washing on line and I will fly out and sort if needed)

PumpkinP · 21/08/2019 10:15

What! are the people on this thread actually being serious? Are you actually worried that a baby doesn’t go in the garden? I’m surprised no one has mentioned to call SS yet! You do realise some people don’t even have gardens? Some people live in flats so never take their baby in the garden as they don’t have one! This thread is crazy, unless you are watching her 24/7 then you can’t possibly know how often she goes up.

PumpkinP · 21/08/2019 10:15

Oh god posted before reading that someone HAS suggested calling SS?! Shock

PuffHuffle5 · 21/08/2019 10:20

My boyfriend thinks it’s an elaborate hoax and there is no baby. Just occasional recordings of a baby crying.

Hilarious Hmm you both sound like delightful neighbours - is this what you and your boyfriend do at home together? Make snide comments about your neighbours who have done you no harm whilst patting yourselves on the back and feeling superior about spending more time than them outside in the garden? What and exciting life compared to them you must lead...

ElizaDee · 21/08/2019 10:26

What! are the people on this thread actually being serious? Are you actually worried that a baby doesn’t go in the garden? I’m surprised no one has mentioned to call SS yet! You do realise some people don’t even have gardens? Some people live in flats so never take their baby in the garden as they don’t have one! This thread is crazy, unless you are watching her 24/7 then you can’t possibly know how often she goes up.

Yeah but if you DO HAVE a garden, it is a bit odd that the baby doesn't play out in it Confused

EvaHarknessRose · 21/08/2019 10:27

It's ok to have human curiosity and I am sure we all have theories about our neighbours!

PumpkinP · 21/08/2019 10:33

Yeah but if you DO HAVE a garden, it is a bit odd that the baby doesn't play out in it confused

Odd enough to ring social services?? My 7 year old never plays in the garden now we’ve moved to a house he hates it, hope none of my neighbours ring SS!

SleepIsForTheWeeak · 21/08/2019 10:35

This thread is funny. Our neighbours can easily go months not seeing our children (they are 3 and 1). There are no issues with me them or otherwise, we leave the house lots etc and just get on with life, I don't stand on the drive jumping up and down trying to get their attention.

I never realised people gave this sort of thing so much thought. Our neighbours always say when they do see us "my haven't they grown, we've not seen them for ages"... now I'll be wondering if they are planning to refer us to ss as they haven't seen them in 3 months lol.

Aprillygirl · 21/08/2019 10:42

I can understand you finding it a bit odd if it were a toddler you were talking about. But do baby's of less than a year old even play out in the garden that much?

PumpkinP · 21/08/2019 10:44

I don’t even think it’s odd. On it’s own it really isn’t. I don’t go in my garden much, I just don’t enjoy sitting out there and like I said my 7 year old never goes out there. He hasn’t been out there once this summer, I rarely see my neighbours. Can’t remember the last time I seen next door but then I don’t go around keeping tabs on them.

Yabbers · 21/08/2019 10:47

I never went out with my baby in “amazing weather” She was a warm baby anyway so slathering her in sun cream to sit with the bees and wasps in the garden held no appeal to me or her. I was never worried about rickets as she had (and still does 10 years on) a vitamin D supplement.

I rarely saw my neighbours’ kids as babies. I never thought about it.

thecatsthecats · 21/08/2019 10:52

YABU for being so bloody nosy.

You should honestly try to address the way you think about other people's lives, because even if they're innocent thoughts, they come from a place of judgement (that they aren't doing having a baby 'right') and of unwelcome curiosity - both things that can make for a very annoying neighbour.

pinkstar01 · 21/08/2019 10:58

I don't think it's odd at all, my child didn't start playing out in the garden until he was able to walk properly and could entertain himself, otherwise I would take him in the car to playgroups or meet a friend at a playground or at a cafe or something. He definitely went out but I'm sure was hardly seen by the neighbours, luckily my neighbours are not nosy.

mrslaurenbrown · 21/08/2019 11:02

I could imagine this being me when I have a baby. It just wouldn't appeal to me to sit in the garden with a baby so young or take the baby for walks around the street. The weather has been awful where we are. We would be straight to and from the car with the carrier as you have said going to visit family etc. And finding somewhere perhaps a little more picturesque if we did want a walk. I barely see my neighbours as it is we are all on totally different times so I doubt they'd see my baby much either.

tirednhungry247 · 21/08/2019 11:05

Whoever suggested ringing SS?!

Get a hobby! What a disgusting suggestion

EmmiJay · 21/08/2019 11:10

Its the birth of Suri Cruise all over again. Anyone remember that? 🤭

Whattodo20192 · 21/08/2019 11:15

My neighbours would not have seen my baby in the garden this summer because it was so warm and he gets bad heat rash if out in the heat.
And they have never seen the buggy because it's left in the car and never brought into the house.
So the only time they have seen the baby is when he's carried to the car in his car seat.
He has plenty of play time in the house and gets out of the house to visit family, go to visit places etc.
In all honesty it's hard to play with a less than one year old outside because most can't walk and if you sit them on the ground they will more than likely try to put mud, grass, flowers, stones or anything they can get their hands on into their mouth

Michellelovesizzy · 21/08/2019 11:25

Its a bit odd op..... but then people r odd

HostofDaffodils · 21/08/2019 11:26

I think it's good for babies to be introduced to different people and to be in different environments - gardens, parks, walked along the street in buggies. Lots of stimulus.

I suppose that loving parents can bring babies up mainly indoors - and just take them out in the car for necessary outings eg shopping.

But it doesn't seem great either for the baby or for the parents.

I think I'd be inclined to ask low level questions 'Everything okay?' Or invite them round to a barbecue/picnic/garden party.

katewhinesalot · 21/08/2019 11:32

Yanbu for wondering.

It's not as if you've done anything other than wonder. I don't understand the amount of grief you've been given on here.

namechanger0987 · 21/08/2019 11:54

I get what you mean op... maybe worded slightly wrong/people have jumped on the wrong thing. It is odd to have someone (even a baby) living next door for a whole year that you have never actually seen. I think people are just busy these days though and tend to to from door to car and back again.

cakeandchampagne · 21/08/2019 11:55

@Dippypippy1980 And regarding your neighbour on the other side: What are they not doing?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 21/08/2019 11:59

@Dotty1970, how rude you are.

OP, I'm with you. That is really odd. Could be lots of reasons for it - some ok, some very much not ok.

Mumsnet is odd - when it comes to reporting people to SS people are all for it, but when a poster shows concern about a possible issue she's 'weird' and gets told to mind her own business.

Right. Takes a village to bring up a child, and all that.

AllieDidNotDeserveBea · 21/08/2019 12:04

You can't relax in the garden with a non walking baby anyway not can you garden so I don't think that's odd at all.

Really? It's way easier to relax in the garden with a nob-walking baby than a walking one!!