Lateness- Aibu to go home?

[CloverMoon]

I have a friend through the kids who is persistently late through being disorganised, no real apology but I’m just expected to get she’s tired or whatever. Her kids are 3 and 6, mine are 3,6,7,9. She’s never mentioned anything out of the ordinary with their sleep or behaviour and they seem easy going

An example, we arranged to meet at a park about 40 min drive away. She text me as I walked in through the gate that she’d been tired and had a nap and had just woken up. Turned up 1hr 15m late and I can see she’s a little put out we’ve had a picnic and done the craft already.

Trains here are 20min apart, we’ll arrange to meet for one and she’ll be still driving as it arrives. I arrive in time and she’s always a bit surprised if I’m not waiting to spend 25min on the platform waiting.

She turns up to paid activities on time consistently such as after school clubs or swimming in the morning.

So Aibu to have just not given a shit this morning. Arranged to meet at 9 in the park (early but her suggestion) got to 9:30 and kids had got bored without friends so I just left and went elsewhere without texting. 9:45 she’s texting put out as she’s arrived with excited kids and it’s empty. We otherwise get on, but I feel quite willing to Chuck the friendship aside over this. It’s disrespectful, she’s not juggling any extreme circumstances, she can get to places on time when she needs to. She just is used to being able to leave us standing. For a while I’ve been not waiting, for example texting where we are now, but today I just left her to it. She doesn’t even text she’s late anymore, and even if I’m late she’ll be later. I’ve clearly folder her my kids hate standing around, but she just brushes it off and it doesn’t register. Just say something like ‘oh we’ll catch you up’ or ‘they look happy playing (having missed the stroppy bit waiting for them).

I’ll admit, I’m not a saint on being punctual- but it’s in the 5-10min range. This has really wound me up over time...

I can also be a bit late from time to time, not every time though. And not with her breezy lack of consideration for anyone other than herself.

Why the fuck is her time more valuable than yours???

I posted earlier about my DP. If he has distance to travel (work or PILs), he will assume the journey will take as long as the fastest time he ever did it IYSWIM. Will not check traffic news etc.
He often fannies about ON the journey too. The last time he went to his Ps (should take about 5-6 hours) he stopped on the way to drop something off at a friend's house. While the car was charging, got into a long conversation with someone about electric cars, THEN had coffee and a snack. Deviated on the way to find another charging station he's heard about that might be cheaper.Stopped to have a sleep because he was tired. Missed a turn on the motorway and ened up going 40 miles out of his way, so had to stop AGAIN to charge the car. It took him about 11 hours, and rang me to say 'poor me'.

Flake.

I don't deal with flakes.

I have a dear friend who been like this since schooldays. I agree a time with her an hour before we actually need to meet so she'll be on time.
She's lost several jobs through bad timekeeping but blames it on a "bad" managers bullying her. No awareness or improvement despite me telling her several times that I wouldnt have her working for me because of her timekeeping!

I think you just need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. How the constant lateness is so disrespectful. Try again after that and if she does it again then don't do anymore trips out with her....

I do acknowledge my issues make it difficult to socialise hence I usually decline invitations. I do not view seeing my friends as optional. I prefer drop-in invitations that remove the pressure. I am always ready hours before for a meeting but will find it difficult to get out of the door. I'm fine once I'm out but it's just a struggle for me to leave the house.

@blubelle7

You’re not doing anyone any favours by usually declining social invitations. That’s 100% your choice and your loss, unless it’s affecting your DC in which case it’s theirs too and that’s in you.

You said in your first post that you do see viewing friends as optional. Literally, that where you have the choice to be late, you don’t make yourself be on time, and that applies to social engagements.

You prefer drop-in engagements? Well that’s lovely, not sure why anyone but you should be interested in this.

Ready hours before but find it difficult to get out of the door? Sorry, but you need to try harder. Make yourself. You can’t keep a child waiting for hours and hours because you find it difficult. You’re making excuses.

You find it a struggle leaving the house? Learn to overcome your struggles.

If I’m sounding harsh it’s because you are choosing - actively deciding - when you are allowing yourself to be late. You’re thinking about yourself only. Late for work? You will lose YOUR job. Late for a social thing with your DS? Don’t worry about him, he’s only a child. It’s lame. We all have struggles and problems, physical and mental ill-health, burdens to carry. These are our own responsibilities, our own crosses to bear. You don’t have the luxury of indulging them when you’ve got DC who are relying on you. You just have to shape up and get with it.

@7salmonswimming

And everyone with depression should just pull themselves together, "man up" and get on with it, no doubt. You need to educate yourself on mental health issues / illness. God forbid it ever strikes you.

By the way, I'm not at all saying that the OP was unreasonable to have left. It sounds like her friend can be on time when she wants to be, so is just choosing to keep OP waiting. OP has been more than lenient and has got to the end of her tether. If you arrange any more meet ups, say "But you must be on time this time; we won't be waiting if you're not there."