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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 19/08/2019 10:48

Maybe she needed the loo?

Oh come on, ffs!

HelpIcantfindaname · 19/08/2019 10:49

So sorry this is happening to you. It definitely sounds like he is cheating.
My ex left me & then I discovered there had been OW for months. It was really hard...but I built myself back up slowly, & now 3 years on I am happier than I have ever been.
My ex always made me out to be the bad one, but now I look back & see him for what he really was. & I'm actually thankful to OW!
Please look after yourself. Its scarey to be alone with the kids....but you will get so much stronger....& happier, without a cheat in your life.

Sodastream24 · 19/08/2019 10:50

Where did you go op?🤔

Lipz · 19/08/2019 10:54

Why was she in the house ? Did they know you'd be home ? Surely he knew you were on annual leave ?

Pardonwhat · 19/08/2019 10:58

Pack his bags and ask her to come over and collect them. I’d welcome her to him. That dirty cheating POS.

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 11:03

@Funghib quite. I am actually starting to lean towards never happened

Xalia · 19/08/2019 11:06

She was walking around my house like she owned the place.

I'm fuming on your behalf!!!

So sorry OP Flowers

LucyAutumn · 19/08/2019 11:07

Nope. This stinks of all kinds of wrong. He needs to be turfed out. So sorry OP.

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 11:10

Come on people. Unless husband is an absolute idiot, he wouldn't bring a mistress into a house since OP has been on him about her for god knows how long🙄

Vesperia · 19/08/2019 11:10

or could it be that he did simply forget something & she was helping him find it or popped in to use the loo & you went completely nuts for no reason?

that said I am unaware of all the other threads people have mentioned

TregunaMekoides · 19/08/2019 11:12

OP just because you don't want to believe it doesn't mean it isn't happening. It is.

Pardonwhat · 19/08/2019 11:12

HouseholdPlantMurderer

Obviously, you’re convinced you’re right in your little troll hunting session. However, just consider for one second, you could be wrong. Do you know how much of an extra kick in the teeth that would be to OP? Have some compassion. And if you don’t believe it - ignore it and report. Not difficult Smile

DoulaDaisy · 19/08/2019 11:14

If he popped home for something quickly then why did she even get out of the car and go in to the house?

Definitely more to this.

MamaOfBothTeams · 19/08/2019 11:16

Op with this and your previous thread you don't trust him so even if he isn't messing about with her - which I'm pretty sure he is - your relationship won't work

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 11:17

@Pardonwhat this is not a "troll hunting session".
Let's be realistic here. If it's real then no one would be stupid enough to bring a mistress home with wife in this state. No one. "Walking around like she owns a place" is highly subjective and in the state OP is in.
Have you read the previous threads? It paints quite a picture

Xalia · 19/08/2019 11:19

Hang on!

How do we (and OP) know that this was actually "Steve"?

She could be a different female colleague?
Has OP met "Steve" before?

TregunaMekoides · 19/08/2019 11:21

Come on people. Unless husband is an absolute idiot, he wouldn't bring a mistress into a house since OP has been on him about her for god knows how long🙄

He's managed to convince her she needed a break from him to work on her "trust" and "jealousy" issues - of course he would bring the OW home. I'm surprised they didn't just shag in front of the OP to be honest. He must think he's home dry.

AGenericUsername · 19/08/2019 11:22

So sorry OP but it does sound like he's having an affair with this woman. There would be no need for her to come into your house. She would have waited in the car if he had genuinely forgotten something. I'm sure it doesn't take 2 to go into the house to pick up something he would have taken on his bike in the first place.

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 11:26

She could be a different female colleague?
Has OP met "Steve" before?

Op knows because she stalked "Steve" on SM

loobyloo1234 · 19/08/2019 11:28

Op won't be backto answer any queries

New post will appear though. And then same cycle. One post, no replies. Same answers from everyone

Tonnerre · 19/08/2019 11:31

Has he come up with a reason why she had to get out of the car if he was just picking up something he forgot? I'm assuming it was something small as otherwise he'd presumably have taken it on his bike?

NorthEndGal · 19/08/2019 11:34

Time for you to get your shit together, and leave him

BumbleBeee69 · 19/08/2019 11:36

They have been using your Home and Bed for work-time Sex OP, you caught them red handed. He's gas-lighting you to avoid a very costly divorce. Face facts. Flowers

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 11:37

Hang on!
How do we (and OP) know that this was actually "Steve"?
She could be a different female colleague?
Has OP met "Steve" before?

Oh Ye Dogs @Xalia ... we've all been idiots!
It was Malcolm. Malcolm!!
Steve's the real bitch in this though. Malcolm only gives DH handjobs.

OP - apologies if joking seems inapt but I hope you can at least get some hollow laughter (as well as support) out of the thread while you lick your wounds. Although the thing is - you seem to post & run so I'm kinda posting any old tripe now as I don't think you'll be back ...

Faith50 · 19/08/2019 11:39

I agree that if he was just popping home to collect something, there would have been no need for her to leave the car. They were caught.

Had you waited ten or so minutes you are likely to have walked in on them DTD.