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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 19/08/2019 10:10

And did he know you'd be home

Josephinebettany · 19/08/2019 10:11

You've left a lot out.
Did they know you were home?
Was she acting like she owned the place before she saw you or the whole time?
What did he say she was coming in for?
What exactly did you and they say?

CallmeAngelina · 19/08/2019 10:12

And did you hear any of their conversation before they realised you were home?

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 10:13

I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy

Oh really?
These will be the "issues" your husband has informed you you have with trust & jealously, as a convenient smokescreen for his abuse of your trust?

Now that he's brought his OW home for a shag on company time, (tho' I bet this isn't the first occasion), perhaps he needs to be given some space so he can work on his issues of adultery, lying, & gaslighting. And how much they are gonna cost him in the upcoming divorce settlement.

So sorry OP - but now at least you know you have no "issues with trust & jealousy".
What you have there is good instincts & a cheating slimeball who you need to get rid off asap before he further damages your self-esteem & sense of reality.

1Bellaleah1 · 19/08/2019 10:14

He's cheating on you

DarlingNikita · 19/08/2019 10:14

Even without the important bits of info we're missing, it doesn't sound good.

If it were totally innocent, (they were on their way to, say, an external meeting and he came back to get something he'd forgotten), she wouldn't have needed to come in.

Lunafortheloveogod · 19/08/2019 10:14

Did he actually leave with anything important/needed?
Am I the only nut that’d have hid when they saw the car or dashed upstairs n plopped my arse on the bed.
Beyond dodgy, anytime I’ve forgotten anything even my DM just waits in the car cause well I’ll only be two seconds grabbing whatever n back.

YouJustDoYou · 19/08/2019 10:15

I came home once to find dh at home with a woman, but then was introduced and it was the mother of son's friend, son then walked it and it was all innocent, she as just waiting for him to get his stuff.

This woman and your dh have been cultivating a secret "friendship" - he has been coveting her, deliberately trying to hide her from you, and is putting his friendship with her before your feelings - she means more to him than you. She had absolute zero need to be inside your house, let alone walking around inside your house, if he indeed need to just "quickly pick up something he;d forgotten". No. He's a complete liar op - don't be me - don't keep accepting these lies and excuses over and over, only to find out several years down the line they were shagging all along and fucking with your head, making you out to be "jealous" etc.

I would've gone absolutely fucking nuclear.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 19/08/2019 10:17

Dude, honestly, the simple explanation is the correct one.

Stop making excuses for him. In fact, stop listening to him.

CallmeAngelina · 19/08/2019 10:18

Even the best-case scenario that they are in fact "just friends, is blown out of the water by him storing her on his phone under another (male) name.

TenPastFugit · 19/08/2019 10:18

Occams Razor.

theemmadilemma · 19/08/2019 10:19

He didn't know you would be there did he?

justthecat · 19/08/2019 10:20

He knows you’re not happy about her and he brought her to your home!
I’d of gone berserk. Sorry but it’s not looking good . You don’t have trust issues, you have lying cheating husband issues 💐

MoseShrute · 19/08/2019 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lastnightajdsavedmylife · 19/08/2019 10:20

OP do you actually need to see the penis go in before you realise what this man is up to?
I’d actually be howling with laughter about this if it wasn’t so true

justthecat · 19/08/2019 10:21

Just to add, my exh kept loads of women’s names disguised under men’s names, he was a cheating scumbag too

AnyFucker · 19/08/2019 10:22

Another time wasting thread on this fucked up situation

Op...you just don't want to see what is right under your nose . Why do you keep coming back for more "advice" if you disregard all of it.

Beebeezed · 19/08/2019 10:23

If he didn’t know you’d be home I’d be very very suspicious OP

jesuschristwtf · 19/08/2019 10:23

Jesus op. How many times do you want to post about this? If you can’t see it by now, then you’re either blind or you just like posting for fun. Stop wasting energy and time - surely your life is worth more than this?

Totalwasteofpaper · 19/08/2019 10:25

OP do you actually need to see the penis go in before you realise what this man is up to?

This was my first thought too...
Stop posting about him and just leave him.l already...

WhatNoNotYouAgain · 19/08/2019 10:26

I don't see how this can be innocent, I'm sorry OP.

Soubriquet · 19/08/2019 10:26

OPs previous thread

OP read this again. And again. Then read your new thread

It couldn’t be more obvious unless he had a massive billboard claiming “I am fucking Steve”!!

SirGawain · 19/08/2019 10:27

Occams Razor

Absolutely🙁

0pheIiaBaIIs · 19/08/2019 10:27

Of course he's cheating.

walkintheparc · 19/08/2019 10:28

I second other posters - if I dropped a true 'friend' at their house just before 9 (when I needed to be at work) I would stay in the car, not walk around 'like I owned the place'.

It's clear, along with the other dodgy behaviour that they came to your home to have sex. Sorry OP.