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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
messolini9 · 19/08/2019 11:39

Op knows because she stalked "Steve" on SM

Cheers @HouseholdPlantMurderer.
Although when Malcom does turn up, OP should kick her in the arse anyway.

TregunaMekoides · 19/08/2019 11:41

Why does the OP never come back on these threads? It's so frustrating

jacks11 · 19/08/2019 11:43

I think it depends- did your DH know that you were on leave today? If he did he’d have to be fairly stupid or very audacious to bring his mistress back to the house when it is entirely possible, even very likely, to be there. That in itself would make it less likely, I’d think. If he didn’t know and thought you’d be at work then I would agree it does look very suspicious.

Although even if there is a good explanation, I agree her coming in if he had just nipped back to get something was insensitive. Her reaction suggests he has told her about your suspicions.

Did he actually collect anything?

I think either way your marriage is over. He is either a liar and a cheat, or he is innocent (this time at least) but you do not trust him one iota. I think best to call time on the relationship for both your sakes.

seasideramble · 19/08/2019 11:45

who is Steve?

TheMistressQuickly · 19/08/2019 11:46

Ask your neighbours if they’d noticed this car at your house before.

There is more to this, sorry x

lilybetsy · 19/08/2019 11:49

he brought her home to shag her. He didn't expect you to be there. Wake up and smell the coffee, hes taking you for a mug ...

GeekALeak · 19/08/2019 11:50

They came home for a shag, that is blindingly obvious.

GeekALeak · 19/08/2019 11:51

@seasideramble

OP has posted about this before, he husband has OW number saved under the name Steve.

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/08/2019 11:52

Sorry love, but he is cheating. See a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and prepare for life as a single parent. So sorry OP, sometimes life is shit, and he is a low life

Sunglower · 19/08/2019 11:53

Please give the OP a break about not reporting back. It’s been two and a half hours since her post!

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 11:57

I am actually surprised he is back tbh. He was supposed to be staying with a family so they both get some space

JamdaniSari · 19/08/2019 11:59

So sorry OP Flowers

Ravingstarfish · 19/08/2019 11:59

What did he forget? Did you see him go and get the forgotten item?
I’d be leaving over it to be honest

MrsGrindah · 19/08/2019 12:08

My husband is called Steve. Should I be worried?

QOD · 19/08/2019 12:08

We need to know at what point he/they saw you and how he reacted really before we can judge if it’s true or not

Josephinebettany · 19/08/2019 12:10

I see some of u referring to OP posting and leaving. Is that what she usually does?
I don't know if I even believe this thread.

INeedAFlerken · 19/08/2019 12:11

YIkes! SHe immediately headed back outside to the car when she saw you?

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 12:11

Please give the OP a break about not reporting back. It’s been two and a half hours since her post!

Sorry @Sunglower you are right - but there is some frustration re: previous threads, hence suspicion that this may be a 1-post wonder ...

1forAll74 · 19/08/2019 12:12

The OP MIGHT well be upset since last posting,and doesn't wan't to post right now.

HulksPurplePanties · 19/08/2019 12:12

To be fair to the OP she was quite responsive on the previous thread? But I've only seen the one (with the stealing the lunch).

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 12:14

YIkes! SHe immediately headed back outside to the car when she saw you?

Yup. Not suspect at all. Because it would be really weird & inappropiate for OW to smile, stick her hand out, & say "hiya Colleague's Wife" innit. Not.

Apparently shagging him on office time in wife's home is AOK tho ...

Jayaywhynot · 19/08/2019 12:14

Let's be honest, most woman would not go into another woman's home if she was not there, especially with that woman's husband. Its disrespectful, most of us wouldn't like another woman in our house. Plus, most of us wouldn't do it cos it looks dodgy af. Its kinda like saying f* you, then to say "I'll wait in the car", wouldn't you try to explain/ diffuse the situation if it was innocent. Personally I wouldn't leave without letting the wife know that there was nothing in it.

dottiedodah · 19/08/2019 12:15

I am sorry to say I too think he is cheating .The shock and disbelief are hard to take in ,and I think that is why you are posting here so much .Do you have a friend you can confide in at all?.On your own trying to process this ,while your OH keeps telling you you have non existant "trust Issues" is going to make you feel terrible .Can you stay with a friend maybe for a day or two?.They are behaving very badly creeping around behind your back like this .You need to tell him straight you have found out about the affair ,and look for a way to end the marriage and dont take any crap from him !

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 12:16

My husband is called Steve. Should I be worried?
Grin

Nah @MrsGrindah.
Steve's just a Beard - it's that Malcom you wanna watch out for. The bitch.

SteadyAreYouReady · 19/08/2019 12:20

I would buy it if she had stayed in the car the whole time. He just needed to pop in and out.

But she felt she had a reason to be there. No chance.

He's already hid her name as Steve to cover up.

The writing is on the wall, you need to read it OP