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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or are my holiday caravan neighbours...

292 replies

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 15:01

Hi, would appreciate your views and understand I may be shot down...
We arrived at MIL's caravan yesterday, myself, hubby and 7 and 12 year old kids, we've been coming here since 2012 and it's always been a lovely peaceful place, mainly privately owned caravans and lodges (it's a nice place). Last year new neighbours brought the van behind ours and shattered our peace but not by doing anything wrong just by having loud voices, loud dogs and a granddaughter who actually isn't that loud! Once before I have asked them to be a bit quieter as I'd put the youngest to bed and they were disturbing her. They were fine.
There are now more new neighbours next door who maybe know the others or have got pally. Yesterday afternoon they had family arrive and they all joined together with 3 bbqs going and 5 kids running around in the grassy area between our caravans. I don't cope well with noise and after a couple of hours I went and politely asked them to quieten down a bit. One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week (I had no idea about this but its not my responsibility and I considered it irrelevant) the men all then turned on me complaining about the constantly barking dogs and the fact that last year someone apparently stayed in our van and had a party until 1am. I continued to try to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away and go to the office if I had a problem (I did think about doing this first but thought the adult thing to do would be to ask in person). So I did go to the office and completely broke down. A couple of the wives came over and were actually pretty nice to me but continued to say about the noise last week and the fact that they were entitled to have a party outside the caravans.
Walking around the site for the last 7 years I've not seen this happen before.
Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
blahblahblahblahhh · 19/08/2019 07:22

It's a free holiday costing you nothing so I'd say you either make a few changes your end to make the best of it (earphones etc) or just don't go.

FuckFacePlatapus · 19/08/2019 07:27

No 7 year old wants to go to bed at half 7, especially those on holiday. You may as well stay at home, i mean Half 7 on a Sat night and you expect everyone to be quiet? You sound so much fun.Confused

jackstini · 19/08/2019 07:27

Now you realise YABU you need to really try to go over and apologise, for your whole family's sake

Maybe when just one of the women are out there so it's less confrontational, but don't leave it - it will just get harder and possibly ruin future holidays

I do think you need to talk to someone about your anxiety when you get back if it is affecting the way you deal with normal day to day life

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 19/08/2019 07:31

Yabu, you don’t like noice, fair enough, but to Try max limit my there people enjoyment while doing a perfectly normal activity is massively BU

CherryPavlova · 19/08/2019 07:31

I wouldn’t pick a holiday park either but if I was there I’d accept that others had a right to a bit of fun.
You owe them an apology and a bottle of wine - anxiety doesn’t excuse you’re miserable rudeness. I’m not really surprised they were disgruntled by you.
Your daughter might enjoy running around with other children of an evening, so friendship will make for a more pleasant holiday that animosity.
Big girl pants and say sorry.

MarigoldGlove · 19/08/2019 07:40

I think you’ve been lucky with your previous caravan neighbours rather than unlucky with the new ones. Most people who go on caravan holidays will enjoy sitting outside the caravan chatting and eating while the dc play. It’s surprising and unusual that you’ve never seen a group of friends gathered like this on a weekend afternoon in the seven years you’ve been going here. These new people have no idea that they are doing something that has never been done in the site before as it’s completely normal and acceptable behaviour.

Many people who are on caravan holidays with young children would be absolutely thrilled to see five children playing outside on a holiday afternoon as their children would have someone to play with.

What the site used to be like has no bearing on this. Nor does the way you use the caravan as an extension of your home rather than a holiday venue. The new people were not doing anything wrong by gathering like this on their holiday. Nobody would have anticipated that your dd was going to be going to bed at seven.

Eustasiavye · 19/08/2019 08:01

I'm going to be blunt.
If I'd had to put up with someone's dogs barking and then the same caravan had kept me awake until 1am shouting and balling, I would not be sympathetic to them at all.
You then have the cheek to tell them to be quiet at 7pm because they are sat outside having a bbq.
They are on holiday.
You , or as they perceive it you, have been a bloody nightmare with your noisey antics all week and now you are moaning because they are making a bit of noise during the day.
I would be shouting at you too.
Go elsewhere for your holiday. Pay for peace and quiet.

Ponoka7 · 19/08/2019 08:08

"the beach gets a bit busy for us"

Do you mean for you, or have you passed your anxiety on to your children?

Don't think that you can continue to speak for 'us'. Don't you hope that your children will grow up to be able to go to concerts/festivals etc?

Buyitinbamboo · 19/08/2019 08:16

The whole dog thing I feel like your dismissing because it's a new dog so hasn't been barking for years. But that doesn't matter. It might be this families only holiday of the year and they had to put up with a dog barking for however many days. I would be making a big apology on behalf on your SIL on that one.

SockMachine · 19/08/2019 08:23

OP, it would be such a shame if the caravan becomes it possible for you.

You can get different kinds of help for this level of anxiety and sensitivity, and you would be doing yourself and your family s favour if you got some support and had a go.

My parents were extremely mouse averse and we all had to observe silence once someone was in bed, including newborns, babies, toddlers.

As a result I now find it impossible to sleep with any noise, and to be honest I wish I was able to. I really envy my friends who can take advantage if sleep with a normal level of noise.

You risk passing this anxiety on to your Dd.

SockMachine · 19/08/2019 08:25

Noise averse, not mouse averse.
Amongst many other typos Blush

TheInvestigator · 19/08/2019 08:30

I can't believe a grown woman would burst into tears because she was told to stop sticking her nose in to someone else's BBQ. They weren't doing anything wrong, nothing wrong at all. They had a BBQ. The kids ran around playing. It was dinner time. A little dinner party noise is totally acceptable.

Your anxiety is your problem. It's not anyone else's job to deal with it. Your daughter should have learned to sleep through noise by now; or do you keep your house silent when they go to bed? If you do then you've made a rod for your own back.

Bellasblankexpression · 19/08/2019 08:59

I guess if OP is sensitive to noise, maybe it wasn't full on shouting but seemed more confrontational that it was? I'm not being goady, genuinely wondering, as it seems to unlikely for it to swing from OP being polite and nice to full on shouting immediately

oldbuthappygothgirl · 19/08/2019 09:05

OP I think I share your sensitivity to noise, so I feel for you. In caravan parks / campsites it's just normal for people to be sitting outside chatting / listening to music etc until 10.30 - 11pm. After that I do approach people to ask them to keep the noise down. My kids stay up with us, partly to avoid the stress of me trying to get them to bed when it's noisy. They adapt to the new routine pretty quickly so it works for us all.

purplebunny2012 · 19/08/2019 17:26

YABU

Oscarsdaddy · 19/08/2019 17:39

Sounds like you need to take a tent to a very quiet field, listening to people enjoying themselves on their holidays clearly isn’t for you

HGSells · 19/08/2019 17:40

Sorry you got upset and the menfolk were wrong to shout but I do think YABVU, it’s their holiday to relax and enjoy how they please.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 19/08/2019 17:42

People having a daytime bbq ands kids playing in the last weeks of summer holidays - disgusting / get the fun.
YABU
AND...The noise they had to put up with in the form of dogs barking and parties until 1 am - from YOUR family - IS relevant.
I would have (politely) told you to bog off.

TheCherries · 19/08/2019 17:43

I really feel for you. We have a caravan within the family on a spot that has been in then family for several generations. It has always been a peaceful site and can already see boundary changes within the park through perceived entitlement and I totally get where you are coming from regarding how awful it feels when someone comes in and alters the feel of the place. From a peaceful retreat to neighbours having noisy gatherings. Sadly there is nothing that can be done apart from maybe the park enforcing rules of no more than x people gathering in each plot.
That is unlikely to solve it though.
Sadly it has changed and it sounds like your future holiday plans might be changing too

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 19/08/2019 17:45

I'm really sorry but yes, yabu. All of it.

It's a caravan park not a hospital waiting room. Don't suck the joy out of everyone's holidays. And you really can't pick and choose what's relevant!!

Make amends or every subsequent holiday will be awful for all your family.

(So early bed for DC? Why ?)

Kate0902900908 · 19/08/2019 17:47

YABU.
Sorry.
You need to hire a private villa somewhere then you won’t have to deal with people and noise.
A total breakdown over a disagreement seems slightly over the top caravan sites are community based close together and noisy.

BuildBuildings · 19/08/2019 18:00

I have anxiety about noise but it doesn't actually mean people should change their behaviour around me. I just need to think about what I do and where I go.

They shouldn't have shouted but tbh a week of a yappy dog is unacceptable. Again it's not for other people to manage the issue. Your sil needs to manage the dog or not bring it.

Gohardorgohome · 19/08/2019 18:00

I feel really bad for you that the noise upsets you so much but I’m afraid I have to say YABU. There are caravan parks out there that will be quieter, Caravan Club ones are usually pretty strict, but even they aren’t going to intervene unless it’s late evening onwards. I think you’ll have to accept either that whether free or not this type of holiday isn’t for you, or find a way to make good the damage with the neighbours and cope with some noise. I do hope it doesn’t spoil the rest of your break either way

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 18:01

Noise anxiety? Maybe see your doc otherwise you are going to end up making your kids miserable by not being able to do anything that involves fun and I don’t mean it in a flippant way.

gymraes · 19/08/2019 18:03

Sorry but you cannot complain about 'noise' of children playing. They are PLAYING!