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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or are my holiday caravan neighbours...

292 replies

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 15:01

Hi, would appreciate your views and understand I may be shot down...
We arrived at MIL's caravan yesterday, myself, hubby and 7 and 12 year old kids, we've been coming here since 2012 and it's always been a lovely peaceful place, mainly privately owned caravans and lodges (it's a nice place). Last year new neighbours brought the van behind ours and shattered our peace but not by doing anything wrong just by having loud voices, loud dogs and a granddaughter who actually isn't that loud! Once before I have asked them to be a bit quieter as I'd put the youngest to bed and they were disturbing her. They were fine.
There are now more new neighbours next door who maybe know the others or have got pally. Yesterday afternoon they had family arrive and they all joined together with 3 bbqs going and 5 kids running around in the grassy area between our caravans. I don't cope well with noise and after a couple of hours I went and politely asked them to quieten down a bit. One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week (I had no idea about this but its not my responsibility and I considered it irrelevant) the men all then turned on me complaining about the constantly barking dogs and the fact that last year someone apparently stayed in our van and had a party until 1am. I continued to try to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away and go to the office if I had a problem (I did think about doing this first but thought the adult thing to do would be to ask in person). So I did go to the office and completely broke down. A couple of the wives came over and were actually pretty nice to me but continued to say about the noise last week and the fact that they were entitled to have a party outside the caravans.
Walking around the site for the last 7 years I've not seen this happen before.
Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Frankola · 18/08/2019 19:55

It's a caravan park and they're having a bbq in the day? If that's the case you're being over dramatic. If its 1am then different story?

By the way, dog barking is a much more annoying sound than people having fun...

Original poster

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 19:57

They arrived in the afternoon but it was early evening, 7ish that I went over. We'd been out for a long walk and picnic and had planned an afternoon of board games and a take away.
I don't know what I expected the staff to do, I wasn't thinking straight.
But earlier I'd thought it would be better to talk to the neighbours as I know the staff would have a quiet word that someone had complained (I have heard of this happening before) and I didn't want that to happen as I thought it would be awkward. I honestly thought we could have an adult discussion especially as the grandchildren were out there, I'd no clue they would start shouting in the first instance.

OP posts:

Madfrogs · 18/08/2019 19:59

They can’t be that bad. Otherwise they would of chucked bread/cake on your roof to get you rudely awoken by the gulls early in the morning 😂

Nicknacky · 18/08/2019 19:59

The staff wouldn’t have done anything about a bbq and kids playing in the early evening.

WorraLiberty · 18/08/2019 20:01

The only thing the staff are likely to do is warn your MIL that her occupants are causing problems for other people trying to enjoy the caravan site, at reasonable times.

I'd be very surprised if she doesn't end up putting a stop to the free holidays for you and your SIL, if this carries on.

Starlight456 · 18/08/2019 20:02

I think you need to deal with your anxiety about noise . My Ds has sensitivity to noise due to spd. He has ear defenders if he can’t cope because he has to find a way to live in this world not the other way round.

I would be annoyed if I was approached about been quiet at a reasonable time on holiday.

Nicknacky · 18/08/2019 20:02

And reading it you also complained to them last year for talking loudly? I don’t blame them for losing the plot with you.

YOUR caravan is the problem one. Not theirs.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/08/2019 20:03

It sounds like a pretty stressful experience but try not to let it ruin your holiday. Yes, you made a mistake complaining about normal daytime holiday noise, but now's the time to move on.

I would suggest getting out and about during the day so you're not sat being disturbed, nor mulling over it. Story CDs or white noise can help drown out holiday neighbour noise at kid's bedtimes (experienced campers plus we use our PIL's caravan too!). I also find a good travel blackout blind also helps them get off to sleep quickly (or seriously wear them out during the day!), then mine are usually out for the count regardless of noise.

Obviously if your DC can't sleep and your noisy anxiety is bad, maybe limit the caravan use to out of season when the site will be quieter.

sonjadog · 18/08/2019 20:03

You may have made it awkward for your inlaws by your behaviour, OP. Presumably they use their caravan often themselves and want to have good relations with their neighbours? For that reason alone, I would buy the neighbours a bottle of wine and go over and apologize.

Aprillygirl · 18/08/2019 20:08

Also unfortunately my daughter likes to be in bed by half 7 and doesn't like to stay up late.

No wonder. She's probably bored shitless!

Stonerosie67 · 18/08/2019 20:10

didn't plan to go to the office but in the end they just kept shouting at me to go to the office and not talk to them so I did as I was in complete shock. I just stumbled over and said 'they just told me to come and talk to you' and broke down. I honestly don't think anyone has ever been so rude to me before. Really I can't comprehend doing that to anyone.

How pathetically dramatic! Yeah, YABU and you keep changing your story.

Scarscar · 18/08/2019 20:10

I don't think the way they responded was particularly nice and understand why it upset you.

I used to be sensitive to this type of noise and I got to the point where I was so fed up of others people's noise making me feel anxious. In the end I went for some hypnotherapy and emdr sessions to reduce my sensitivity/anxiety around noise. It worked really well and I'm so glad I did it, I'm much more relaxed now. Maybe have a look into it and if it might suit you?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/08/2019 20:12

On a free holiday you fell out with the neighbours? MIL will love you!

Honestly it doesn't sound like this is the right holiday destination for you any more. I hope you can salvage what's left and then find somewhere more suitable next time.

Witchinaditch · 18/08/2019 20:14

You sound extremely high strung, 7.30 is an early bedtime especially in the summer holidays you can’t expect silence after that time, why aren’t you out having fun on the grass too? Are you all tucked up inside at 7pm? Sounds like a really fun holiday. OP this must be a joke or you must be an 80 year old in a younger persons body, I suffer from anxiety also but I have to adapt to the world we live in not the other way round.

Original poster

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 20:17

Unfortunately my MIL doesn't get down here much, my FIL died just after they brought it and she's not that well. I do prefer coming here in the winter, the beach gets a bit busy for us in the summer but it's a break and MIL likes it to be used. They said there was one party and if I tell her about this I know she'll be upset. She was here last week with my SIL so she'll know about the dogs, it's the new rescue who is the barker and they've only had her a couple of months so it's not like there's been continuing noise from here.
Thanks for the suggestions, there is a fan here which I should have put on yesterday for white noise.

OP posts:

pensionschmension · 18/08/2019 20:19

It sounds to me like you've lived a remarkably sheltered life, OP. As such I don't think that caravanning is for you.

Holidaying in a caravan generally means being in close proximity to other people, to families with young children, and to people who will enjoy socialising with each other in the middle of the day and into the evening.

Perhaps a retreat on a remote island might suit you better.

Original poster

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 20:19

I don't mean to keep changing the story! Am just trying to answer with more detail. I thought my original post was long enough already!

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 18/08/2019 20:20

Are you taking on board what people are saying?

PooWillyBumBum · 18/08/2019 20:23

I’m not really sure your daughters bedtime is relevant, other than maybe to the fact that you probably shouldn’t holiday in a caravan park. 7 is wayyy too early to complain about party noises.

They shouldn’t have shouted at you but I have a feeling, given you ended up going to the office and breaking down, the conversation from your side may have been a bit more dramatic or weirder than you’re conveying.

Original poster

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 20:23

Also I suppose I don't think of this as a holiday, it's like a shared home for hubby's family so I keep routine the same. Yes we have a boring life, on our actual holidays I'm much more relaxed although make sure we go somewhere quiet. Thanks for making me realise this.

OP posts:

Lipz · 18/08/2019 20:24

The thing with caravan holidays is that you are going to get different 'neighbours', alot of people let others use the vans throughout the year so you ca't be guaranteed who is going to be staying. This is a chance you take and you've been lucky up until now.

Caravans are thin, noise is going to travel, you are going to get groups and you are going to noisy people. BBQ in the afternoon is definitely allowed, even early evening. People on holidays get excited and their voices raise. It's unfortunate but most know this is going to happen at some stage.

You now know that if you need to get your child asleep early it may be time to change your type of holiday. It happens to most of us, we have to go with suits us and our children and come to realise that there is going to noise in a caravan park.

As others have suggested I'd go over and appologise, it is understandable that they got annoyed, listening to dogs barking etc, they were most likely pissed off and prob never said anything at the time and just put up with it and here you were complaining about noise from an afternoon BBQ. Just explain to them that you didn't know about the dogs, you weren't told about it and it's not actually your dogs that made the noise .

Nicknacky · 18/08/2019 20:25

It might not be your holiday but it is for other people.

Original poster

cherry1970 · 18/08/2019 20:26

Once I'd been shouted at I probably did get weird as I kept trying to get the conversation normal and not shouty. I don't really remember.

OP posts:

Jozen · 18/08/2019 20:27

I think, as PPs have suggested earlier, a bottle of wine and/or a box of chocolates with an apology are what's needed here if you are to salvage any relationship between yourself and the neighbours. Even just for your MILs sake.
It'll certainly make the remainder of your holiday more pleasant for all families concerned.

Nicknacky · 18/08/2019 20:28

But it’s the second time you have told them to be quiet when they aren’t doing anything wrong. They were fed up and annoyed at you, I would have been too.

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