AIBU or are my holiday caravan neighbours...

[cherry1970]

Hi, would appreciate your views and understand I may be shot down...
We arrived at MIL's caravan yesterday, myself, hubby and 7 and 12 year old kids, we've been coming here since 2012 and it's always been a lovely peaceful place, mainly privately owned caravans and lodges (it's a nice place). Last year new neighbours brought the van behind ours and shattered our peace but not by doing anything wrong just by having loud voices, loud dogs and a granddaughter who actually isn't that loud! Once before I have asked them to be a bit quieter as I'd put the youngest to bed and they were disturbing her. They were fine.
There are now more new neighbours next door who maybe know the others or have got pally. Yesterday afternoon they had family arrive and they all joined together with 3 bbqs going and 5 kids running around in the grassy area between our caravans. I don't cope well with noise and after a couple of hours I went and politely asked them to quieten down a bit. One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week (I had no idea about this but its not my responsibility and I considered it irrelevant) the men all then turned on me complaining about the constantly barking dogs and the fact that last year someone apparently stayed in our van and had a party until 1am. I continued to try to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away and go to the office if I had a problem (I did think about doing this first but thought the adult thing to do would be to ask in person). So I did go to the office and completely broke down. A couple of the wives came over and were actually pretty nice to me but continued to say about the noise last week and the fact that they were entitled to have a party outside the caravans.
Walking around the site for the last 7 years I've not seen this happen before.
Who is being unreasonable?

Buy a holiday home, or rent one that's on its own , or put up with it. I would imagine this isn't unusual on a caravan holiday when everyone is on top of one another

And you 'broke down' over what sounds like a relatively minor confrontation. Go and see someone

"Also I suppose I don't think of this as a holiday, it's like a shared home for hubby's family so I keep routine the same. "
You realise of course for most this IS their actual holiday so entitled to a bit of fun in the afternoon/evening. I'd say the neighbours just had enough after the party n barking dogs then you tell them to keep it down in afternoon & you worried your dd won't sleep at 7.30! Stick to off season or a remote cottage in future. For your mils sake apologise & let your Sil she needs to as well.

You mention that your MIL likes the caravan to be used plus I think you mentioned you go every month or so anyway. I would suggest that you are therefore making great use of the caravan and a little break in the summer when you don't use it, isn't awful.

In the busy, noisy summer season, choose your holiday wisely to best suit your family and children.

Yes, they could have handled it better and they shouldn't have shouted.

But it was a situation that didn't require saying anything. I thibk I'd be a but upset if someone came over twice to complain about something that is not worth complaining especially when that caravan had made a lot of noise.

I was conscious my daughter would be going to bed shortly and would be upset if she couldn't get to sleep

I mean this kindly, but it sounds like you are passing on your anxieties to your daughter. Most 7 year olds I know would be delighted rather than upset not to have to go to bed at 7:30 during the summer holidays.

It might have helped if you and your children had been invited to the barbecue.

Agree that your sister in law's dogs barking is nothing to do with you.

If you're unhappy there, don't go again, find somewhere else to go. Renting a cottage is quite a good idea when you have kids.

I have a caravan on a private site. We don't have children, but obviously they whizz about the place on their scooters and the like, and I couldn't imagine complaining about the noise.

Likewise, we use our terrace whenever it's sunny, and enjoy having some music on and having a few drinks and a bbq. If someone came over and asked us to be quiet I don't think I'd respond very well.

We turn our music right down when people start going to the clubhouse.

Yabu for saying brought when you meant bought. Difficult situation though, op and I do feel sorry for you. I can't bear other people's noise either.

Yeah... you’re the totally U family.

Stick to a remote cottage in the highlands in November for peace and quiet

last night it was more like a party and I was conscious my daughter would be going to bed shortly and would be upset if she couldn't get to sleep.

Do you think perhaps you're projecting your noise issues on to your daughter? Because most kids absolutely relish the opportunity to stay up a bit late on holiday.

It's nobody else's problem that you a) have a particular anxiety about perfectly normal noise and b) have a child who doesn't like going to bed after 7.30pm and gets distressed if she can't immediately fall asleep in total silence. How can you possibly expect everyone else's holiday to revolve around your family's incredibly exacting and specific needs?

I agree nobody should have shouted at you but I would say that if I'd been biting my tongue for a fortnight over the constant noise of barking dogs and a 1am party coming from your family's place, I would probably have not reacted terribly well to someone from that place asking me to be quiet when I was having a normal barbecue with kids playing outdoors, on holiday, at the height of summer.

I also think that breaking down in tears over someone shouting is a really extreme reaction. I'm not particularly confrontational, but I've also never cried because someone was a bit shouty at me.

Everything you've said about yourself and your daughter's bedtime does suggest that your expectations are very rigid and that you assume everyone else has to revolve around your requirements. They don't.

I think yabu expecting quiet at 7pm. I live in a terraced house and often hear my neighbours and sometimes it's more irritating than others, eg if I want an early night and they are having a row or have lots of visitors over.
I have to do my best to ignore it though as it's not at unreasonable times or that frequent.

However even if you were unreasonable to ask them to be quieter, your neighbours shouting aggressively at you is horrible and I can understand why you are upset. I wouldn't be apologising in that instance.
I don't think you are drip feeding on this thread but trying to explain your thoughts behind it.

I like peace and quiet and I am irritated by other people - particularly their noise, which is why I would never choose to holiday in a caravan park. Yabu - doesn't sound like you are suited to this kind of holiday

I made sure there was always noise when my kids went to bed as babies. They would sleep through an earthquake now.
Perhaps get your dd used to noise whilst sleeping or she'll have your problems with noise.

No fresh advice that hasn't already been mentioned OP but I just wanted to say, I also have massive issues with noise so I know how hard it is to live with x

You sound like a total drama llama. I don't believe for a second that you asked politely and the man just started full on shouting at you. That just does not happen.

You are B totally U. It’s a caravan park...

I grew up caravanning. I like nothing more than an evening strole around taking in the atmosphere of children playing and families and friends sitting out with a few drinks and a barbecue, or those evenings where you sit up late into the evening talking and laughing with people you’ve just met, and there’s no way on earth I’d have got DS in bed at 7:30 when he was 7.

OP I think you need a different type of holiday, and let your DD enjoy it. She can go to bed early at home.

I always wonder on posts like this how bad the shouting was and how much the OP has magnified it. Caravan parks are noisy. When my kids were that age they would have been out playing with the other kids and no doubt blagging a burger as well.

It’s the School /summer holidays ??
Why go to a caravan park at this particular time if you want peace and quiet ??
My daughter is 9 and went to sleep at 11 pm as she was watching a film, this is Normal.
My friend is at a caravan park at the moment with her 2 kids and she told me the entertainment doesn’t finish till 10pm.
BBQ at 7 pm sounds fab I wish I was there .

I'd say you've been extremely lucky for seven years, to me caravan holidays are outside as much as possible holidays and therefore you get noise.

It's sad that this looks like it's coming to an end, as you say your children enjoy it.

I'm not sure where you go during school holidays that's quiet?

This is why I don’t go to caravan sites and prefer holiday cottages. You get what you pay for. I like peace and quiet so I book places far from any other dwelling.

Yabu clearly. Its a caravan park and the summer holidays, god woman chill. No harm is going to come over a bit of noise.

YABU - I know your caravan park used to be mice and quiet but that is unusual.

I think yabu I'm afraid. They're on holiday too and I don't think they should be walking on eggshells.
If you are over sensitive to noise it's really you who needs to find a way to cope. Like you said yourself they aren't doing anything wrong