AIBU or are my holiday caravan neighbours...

[cherry1970]

Hi, would appreciate your views and understand I may be shot down...
We arrived at MIL's caravan yesterday, myself, hubby and 7 and 12 year old kids, we've been coming here since 2012 and it's always been a lovely peaceful place, mainly privately owned caravans and lodges (it's a nice place). Last year new neighbours brought the van behind ours and shattered our peace but not by doing anything wrong just by having loud voices, loud dogs and a granddaughter who actually isn't that loud! Once before I have asked them to be a bit quieter as I'd put the youngest to bed and they were disturbing her. They were fine.
There are now more new neighbours next door who maybe know the others or have got pally. Yesterday afternoon they had family arrive and they all joined together with 3 bbqs going and 5 kids running around in the grassy area between our caravans. I don't cope well with noise and after a couple of hours I went and politely asked them to quieten down a bit. One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week (I had no idea about this but its not my responsibility and I considered it irrelevant) the men all then turned on me complaining about the constantly barking dogs and the fact that last year someone apparently stayed in our van and had a party until 1am. I continued to try to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away and go to the office if I had a problem (I did think about doing this first but thought the adult thing to do would be to ask in person). So I did go to the office and completely broke down. A couple of the wives came over and were actually pretty nice to me but continued to say about the noise last week and the fact that they were entitled to have a party outside the caravans.
Walking around the site for the last 7 years I've not seen this happen before.
Who is being unreasonable?

@scubadive thank you so for your support and I'm sorry you have been insulted. Insults to me please as its my post.
Again thank you for the replies, especially the understanding ones, I don't see the need to be rude to anyone.
The experience was traumatic for me and this has helped me process things.
I'm bored of justifying my lovely daughter, my love of a quiet life, my other holidays, my expectation of peace at the caravan where we have been visiting for 7 years with no noise until the people behind us moved in.
I have found out though that there has been complaints about the guy behind us before. I know he won't change.

What were the complaints for?

OP i dont think you need to justify your daughter or your love of a quiet life any of that everyone is different as i said previously im not going to call your holiday boring etc but i think the only unresonable expectation is that you expect the caravan park to be quiet as it has previously been. things change and they arnt actually doing anything wrong apart from the man shouting in your face. your request to the group was unreasonable but if it were me i would have just said we are not breaking any rules and dismissed it at that. you unfortunatly seem stuck on the fact it has been quiet for several years before this family brought their HOLIDAY home. but the underlying issue is they are STILL not doing anything wrong and you STILL think it is reasonable to expect them to be quiet because YOU have noise sensitivity issues. i do get it honestly when my anxiety is high everyday noise makes my anxiety worse but i just have to get on with it because its not reasonable to expect others who are doing nothing wrong to just be quiet maybe your own family but not strangers. sorry OP

scubadive thank you so for your support and I'm sorry you have been insulted. Insults to me please as its my post.
Again thank you for the replies, especially the understanding ones, I don't see the need to be rude to anyone.

Oh I LOVE this OP.

You're sorry that someone who describes families enjoying their holiday as 'Chavvy and uncouth' has been insulted?

You seriously couldn't make this thread up

@WorraLiberty my thoughts exactly.

have you called your SIL to let her know of the situation? Wouldn't things be a lot different if you find out her dog was barking because it was being set off by the other people! I understand you don't want to worry your MIL, but I do think you need to run all this past your SIL and find out what her side of the story is, rather than assume those that were yelling at you were being honest.

If it helps, I too am noise intolerant and I don't recall this being an issue when I was younger. My neighbours adult son was taking the piss with his incessant and immature drum playing (10 years on, the standard is no better) when one night when it sounded like another live band party through the shut double glazed windows and TV on, I got on the phone and had strong words with his Mother. Turns out it was her grand daughter's 18th... I apologised to her the next day.

So I totally understand how it can wind a person up.

I'm sorry, but if you don't cope well with noise this isn't the type of place for you. You need to either suck it up or holiday somewhere with no neighbours. How your family behave during their time in the van is actually relevant as it sets a precedent on how others at the park behave.

Erm... everyone is focusing on the shouting and even you, OP, saying you’re in shock that one of them shouted in your face. But the thing is that you asked them to quiet down and they said no. They told you about the barking dog and the party until 1am. And then there’s this which makes ALL the difference, “I continued to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away...” So the shouting didn’t happen until you wouldn’t stop going at them, either.

If you had, earlier on in the interaction, after they said no and informed you of noise from your caravan, just quit it and said, “Ok, no problem, I understand,” because you know you have noise anxiety, then it seems there would have been no shouting. “I continued to explain” makes it sound like you wouldn’t stop until they stopped making noise and they weren’t going to so... what did you think was going to happen? Maybe it’s just incorrect phrasing, but you were already being unreasonable about a BBQ in the middle of the day and they were already upset about a barking dog in your caravan the prior week (and unfortunately, that’s how it works with a family caravan - anyone who stays in the caravan becomes a representative of the caravan in a neighbor’s eyes, so even if you think a SIL’s dog wasn’t your responsibility, apologizing for it would have gotten you a lot further than saying, “Well I wasn’t here last week” or “It wasn’t my dog”). They shouted at you and you went to the office to “tell on” them, when you knew it was your noise anxiety, so perhaps you’re even.

I have migraines so I can’t handle the amount of noise that a lot of other people can. But that means I take ear plugs and noise-canceling headphones, because I know it’s not other people’s responsibility. I’d recommend that’s what you do in the future. Good luck, and hopefully you can find a solution that allows you to still enjoy the caravan without making enemies of your neighbors.

Again thank you for the replies, especially the understanding ones, I don't see the need to be rude to anyone.

@cherry1970 but @scubadive called people chavvy and uncouth, do you not think that's rude? Or is it just ok to say this because it's what you want to hear?

I have spoken to my sil and she said the people behind us only arrived the day before sil left. She is as clueless about who would have had the party as I am.

@cherry1970 no problem. I’m afraid I don’t think they will change either.

The fact one of the men shouted in your face and ‘the other men all rounded on you’ just shows what type of people they are. What sort of men would do that, hence my comment ‘chavy and uncouth’.

As I say, I absolutely love camping and I actually like the buzz and hum of large busy campsites but this the type of noise from group ‘parties’ when you are on the next plot is invasive and can be very stressful.

I would keep complaining formally and hopefully if it has been such a peaceful site for 7 years then the other residents like it like that too and if you all complain you can get the management to speak to them. One or two families shouldn’t be allowed to upset the status quo of the place despite the hysteria on here.

Please don’t even begin to mention your family and holiday choices, you’ve mentioned some fantastic exciting things on here, some parents prefer not to have to bother entertaining/engaging with their children on holiday but drinking with other couples whilst their children run amok entertaining themselves. This approach has been widely advocated on here as ‘the reasonable norm’. It is not and especially if you are in the adjacent caravan.

You have an extraordinarily high opinion of yourself and your parenting skills @scubadive, I'm not sure many will agree with your Victorian attitude of children should be seen and not heard!

It's 2019!

@flashdancer19 what an extraordinary post and complete distortion of anything i’ve said. I’ve made no reference to my parenting skills or that children should be quiet and seen and not heard. How odd for you to say this.

@scubadive so you think havi g a bbq at tea time and letting the kids run around a bit is lazy parenting? tea time is AFTER a full day of entertaining them. i take mine to see shows they do all sorts of leisure activities a lot of them water sports i pay for swimming lessons aswell where im present for all of it we do a lot of activities made for the entire family to get involved and we love it. but by tea time because we are not lazy parents and my husband is disabled we are tired after all that so we go to the restraunt and eat but if we wanted a bbq outside the caravan what is wrong with that? cant believe you would judge everyone on this entire thread pretty much calling them lazy parents because they think a bbq at tea time is normal
still think you might be the OP you seem rather invested

@scubadive, you've stated:-

some parents prefer not to have to bother entertaining/engaging with their children on holiday but drinking with other couples whilst their children run amok entertaining themselves. This approach has been widely advocated on here as ‘the reasonable norm’. It is not and especially if you are in the adjacent caravan.

Also you've called other parents chavvy and uncouth.

Children playing with other children is great, it doesn't mean they are running amok, it means they are having fun away from the normal constraints of school and clubs etc. Using their personality and learning to integrate with other children. It doesn't mean they are not being entertained by the parents, they are just having a bit of fun and freedom as children do. Doesn't mean the parents are drinking either, that's your ridiculous view.

They'll make better rounded adults than the I suffer from "noise anxiety" who have trouble dealing with situations.

So don't knock the parents skills, instead look to your own?

I also think that sock puppeting may be in play here.

@scubadive your posts are awful.

Children playing together are not running amok, neither does it mean their parents are lazy. Children are supposed to play together they should not be constantly entertained by parents. Having a bbq, a couple of drinks and socialising is not chavvy, uncouth or the sign of a bad parent. As the OP is very noise sensitive including not liking the beach if it is busy, I actually wonder how bad the 'shouting ' was. Remember she complained to the site, so if they had been doing wrong then they would have been asked to stop.

Your posts very much come across that you are far superior to anybody else.