AIBU or are my holiday caravan neighbours...

[cherry1970]

Hi, would appreciate your views and understand I may be shot down...
We arrived at MIL's caravan yesterday, myself, hubby and 7 and 12 year old kids, we've been coming here since 2012 and it's always been a lovely peaceful place, mainly privately owned caravans and lodges (it's a nice place). Last year new neighbours brought the van behind ours and shattered our peace but not by doing anything wrong just by having loud voices, loud dogs and a granddaughter who actually isn't that loud! Once before I have asked them to be a bit quieter as I'd put the youngest to bed and they were disturbing her. They were fine.
There are now more new neighbours next door who maybe know the others or have got pally. Yesterday afternoon they had family arrive and they all joined together with 3 bbqs going and 5 kids running around in the grassy area between our caravans. I don't cope well with noise and after a couple of hours I went and politely asked them to quieten down a bit. One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week (I had no idea about this but its not my responsibility and I considered it irrelevant) the men all then turned on me complaining about the constantly barking dogs and the fact that last year someone apparently stayed in our van and had a party until 1am. I continued to try to explain until one of them shouted at me to go away and go to the office if I had a problem (I did think about doing this first but thought the adult thing to do would be to ask in person). So I did go to the office and completely broke down. A couple of the wives came over and were actually pretty nice to me but continued to say about the noise last week and the fact that they were entitled to have a party outside the caravans.
Walking around the site for the last 7 years I've not seen this happen before.
Who is being unreasonable?

They don't sound like they are doing anything wrong, but I hate noise and sympathise. I lived next door to very quite and considerate neighbours for 9 years, then we moved to a bigger house, in between 'normal 'neighbours. They are lovely but noisy and the noise drives me insane! Can you ask to be moved to a remote pitch? Can you have some background noise in your caravan so it is not as noticeable? Take you little one for a walk in the pram (if they are little enough!) so they aren't getting disturbed? good luck

Fgs. Campsites are for families. Most campsites have a 10PM limit.

If you are that noise sensitive, can't cope with crowds and your anxiety is so bad, may I politely suggest a self catering cottage in the highlands.

YABVU.

One of the guys swung round in my face and said how dare I ask them about noise when they have put up with my sister in laws dogs barking in our van for the last week
Fair play to him. You sound entitled. Go out for bit if the noise bothers you. God forbid others enjoy their afternoon on HOLIDAY

Op I think yabu, but the men should not of reacted like that towards you. Op you say you have 2 ds 7 and 12 do they not play around the caravan make some noise ect? You say you have an anxiety issue with noise, I can understand this totally as do 2 of my dg (both on the spectrum) but surely your own dc make some noise?

It’s you. I can’t stand it when people think my children should sneak around in silence on holiday.

You I'm afraid. If you want guaranteed quiet you need somewhere much more remote. Having a BBQ in the afternoon in the grass is quite normal. Perhaps next year you'd be better renting a cottage somewhere far away from others? It's not OK for them to shout at you of course but I can see why you riled them

@Loki1983-totally agree. A neighbour (next street but back garden backed onto mine - with a lane separating our houses), once complained as my children were playing in the paddling pool at 6.30pm one hot summer as she was trying to get her grandchildren to sleep. I 'phoned Noise Abatement who told me you cannot complain about the noise of children playing. I agree the adults shouldn't have been so aggressive but regarding the children...? FFS - we are not in the Victorian Age (seen but not heard...?)

We have just come back from a caravan holiday, there were people having bbq's and children running to and from the beach enjoying themselves, it was lovely to see everyone so happy, no noise at night at all .

Cherry1970 had expectations of a normally quiet campsite, and this wasnt her experience , it spoilt her holiday. I have been on lots of campsites in England, France, Netherlands, Italy and Belgium, and it's generally the rule that noise stops at 11pm or midnight and kids are generally allowed to stay up later. We have generally been lucky and havent had much in the way of noise, except one year when it went on until 1am more than once, and I was tired, sleep deprived, and yes it spoilt my holiday. There are a lot of inconsiderate people out there, and the thought of the men she mentioned turning on her was appalling. It must have taken a lot for her to go and ask in the first place. I think we had to be there to understand how she felt, hear the noise levels, and know if it was at a reasonable time. I sympathise, I hope you can get another break to make up for it. It's not unreasonable to want peaceful surroundings, as previously this has been the case.

You thought your caravan park was too 'nice' for people to have a daytime BBQ with friends and children in the summer holidays. Ridiculous. What a shock you must have had.
It actually sounds like they should report your van for the dog incident. Maybe you are more suited to a holiday away from families maybe out of season? yabVu

It’s difficult. We have a caravan and in our row it’s pretty quiet but every now and then you get a really noisy lot. If it’s a one off or even just a few days I let it slide but if we had permanent noisy neighbours I’d get a bit riled. One thing I won’t tolerate and it’ against site rules anyway is footballs near the caravan or kids running through our pitch. That really pees me off. We had thousands of pounds worth of debts to be fixed on our van a few years back. I don’t have small children either.

We own a caravan park with 70 static caravans. Families often hook up and in the summer the smell of bbqs and beach fires, the sound of kids having fun outside and not on their ‘devices’ is what makes all the hard work worthwhile.
Our curfew for noise is 11pm. After that I am happy to step in although we wouldn’t tolerate really loud music etc but family time is exactly that. If the dogs had been barking the week before then your neighbours should have reported it to the office for ‘us’ (park owners) to deal with not take it out on you. Also the owner of the caravan (your MIL) should have been notified! If this was my park I’m afraid I would be gently advising you that they are perfectly within their rights but I might also have a ‘quiet word’ with the others to try to keep everyone happy 😉

OP with the greatest respect, YABU both to your neighbours and your children. Your sensitivity to noise is affecting you, your family, and now your holiday neighbours.
Its time to discuss with your GP a solution to this condition that you have, as I'm pretty sure that either you will have passed it onto your children, or they tiptoe around you because they love you.
Children play, make noise, laugh and that's normal and lovely for most people to hear.
You say that you always pick somewhere quiet for your family holiday? Is that ok with your family? Wouldn't they like a busier and fun time occasionally? Do you think that maybe you are putting your anxiety and needs before them? Seek help, don't live like this forever.

I do partly get you, I too am really sensitive to noise esp people shouting due to ptsd, mainly have headphones on with really loud rock music to drown people out in noises environments I swear blind iron maiden have stopped me committing murder round some esp loud people lol.

But all joking aside it’s really your ussuenot there’s, if it’s really unbearable you can either block it out with other noise or try calming techniques to deal with the anxiousness it’s causing

You've had yourself free accommodation for 6 years without noise on a static caravan park. I would say you've been lucky and to count your blessings. Definitely don't go to static campsites abroad or you'll be in living hell. Possibly time to pay and select your own cottage in the middle of nowhere. No problem then.

YABU. You have a caravan on a caravan park. There will be noise, BBQs, other people having fun and kids playing. Those are the reasons we do not have a caravan on a caravan park.

YABU also about your SIL. It’s your caravan, it’s up to you to ensure anyone who stays there doesn’t create a nuisance. You should apologise, buy them a bottle of wine and hopefully maybe they’ll include you in their next BBQ.

You.

We came home today, it was just a short break. I did go and apologise when I saw one of the wives on her own (thank you whoever suggested that) to keep the peace as it seems this is normal caravan behaviour.
I understand about caravan sites being noisy and I wouldn't normally choose to stay in one but we've been going to this place for 7 years and it's always been quiet. My kids will play in the playground or at the beach which is literally just through the gate. There's often people on their verandas reading etc so I keep things quiet.
There are kids around and normal playing noise is fine it was the running and shouting outside my caravan with all the adults talking over this that got to me (again my issue)
The party until 1am incident in my van was sometime last year so only one of the couples were there, the others are new. I had no idea the dogs had been disturbing them so much. (this is why I said it wasn't relevant as I didn't know about either until they shouted it at me. I do now see it is and does explain the behaviour somewhat although I still think they were rude and scary)
There's nothing I can do, I either won't go back or be prepared and sociable. (although I really didn't like the guy behind me anyway as he bullies his family, caravans are thin and he's loud so I can hear him a lot)
For everyone saying I should holiday elsewhere I do. We had a Villa in Barbados this year on a beach where we saw hardly anyone unless we chose to, it was lovely. We also hired a car and did loads of stuff for people saying my kids are deprived of fun, even swam with turtles.
As for my kids the eldest who is 18 would have been straight out to play with other children and happily stayed up late. The middle one not social at all but very chilled and the 7 year old is just very shy and will only ever play with her friends.. She also craves routine and gets tired, it's hurtful to say she goes to bed at half 7 as she's bored. She has full days with us, pretty spoilt as she's the baby and then loves to go to bed and read and settle down at the same time. In Barbados we were out most evenings and she was desperate to go to bed as soon as we got home which was much later than half 7! Today we played games, made a picnic together, went on a little ferry, made sandcastles and made up games in the sand. I do not deprive my kids of fun. Tomorrow we are meeting her friends in the playground and she can run around and have fun.
Thank you for your replies, it has been mainly very helpful.

I mean this kindly, but it sounds like you are passing on your anxieties to your daughter. Most 7 year olds I know would be delighted rather than upset not to have to go to bed at 7:30 during the summer holidays

I thought this too. Maybe your daughter is shy because she’s got used to the kind of holidays where you don’t see other kids?

My DS is an only child and part of the joy of caravan holidays is him being to pal up with other kids. Yes we have nice days out with him but just being able to run about with other young children is great.

Our last holiday he was running around at 21.30 which at home would make me but on holidays why not? I just sat on the van steps with a glass of wine. The kids weren’t screaming or carrying on and no one was bothered by them.

I mean this kindly too but I’d be looking to see if you can be treated for this level of anxiety. Your DD is missing out, swimming with dolphins and beaches in Barbados sound lovely but don’t underestimate more mundane fun

Yes this is true thank you.

I have previously tried to encourage her to play with other kid's if say we were at the park with no friends but she never will, its just her. My eldest was off at the first opportunity!

You know, on a positive note, I think you've taken a lot of criticism on here with good grace. You sound like you do listen and think once you've calmed down.

I’m sure you’re not horrible OP just were not very in sync with the noisy family party - and wasn’t a great idea to try and make them be quiet - it would have quieted down as eventually they would have wanted a bit of peace too if you had been a little patient, it’s like that on holiday sometimes with unfamiliar people around you it can be a bit unsettling at times - maybe just laugh it off and agree you got off on the wrong foot it will blow over - who hasn’t waded in And regretted it at times - it will blow over - I would just smile and say sorry for the sake of keeping the peace (---and not give in to my base desire to bring about their downfall) 😂😂

Having just come back from a Eurocamp holiday in a tent, where the two tents next to us arrived the same day as us and were occupied by two related families who then joined their tables together for the whole week ( right next to our tent, not in between their two plots) then I think
YANBU.

If families want to holiday together they should book a shared villa or similar together. Eurocamp used to have a policy of not linking up families as the noise level is too much. Where as a couple in a family can quietly have a nice time together and have meals, decide where to go that day etc without inflicting their conversations on everyone around them. We had to listen to these two families have loud discussions about every aspect of their holiday for the whole week, right down to the detail of which breakfast cereal each child was having and who was having what in their sandwiches, who was going to the pool, beach etc They were then joined by PIL, staying in a nearby caravan and their friends then also joined in . The night we moved we counted 18 adults plus all their children chatting, shouting, eating, drinking, partying etc (celebrating a 40th) with no regard for fellow campers around them.

Apparently the same thing had happened the week before when 3 tents had joined together and security was called at night as they made so much noise.

A family campsite should be a place for families to enjoy their holidays without inflicting themselves on others. Groups of families should hire their own place if they want to holiday as a group. It’s just not fair to spoil everyone else’s peace. It’s inconsiderate and selfish.

That said a dog barking in a caravan is a nightmare. We moved from tent to caravan to have this and then found a big pile of dog poo just by our eating area, disgusting. I think dogs shouldn’t be allowed on campsites as you can’t stop them staying into other peoples areas. Again families should hire their own place for this type of holiday. mutual respect is needed when camping.

I can’t get over the replies on here op, there are some very self centred people posting. I love camping, love the ‘background’ noise/ambience. Just been to France, don’t mind the music from other tents, campsite entertainment, voices chatting, people going to and fro to the shower blocks, playing badminton, table tennis, riding bikes, etc in between the plots, crickets chirping etc, people cooking, laughing, chatting drinking etc. In fact I love the ambience and prefer tents to caravans as you feel more of the campsite buzz but having one group of a large family inflict their conversations and ‘party’ on their neighbours is completely different and very selfish. Joining 3 BBQ’s together and the ‘oh look at us’ type conversations, ‘aren’t we all having a great time’ is chavy, uncouth and damn right plain selfish in a communal camp site. YANBU and don’t bother justifying what good social holidays you and you’re children have to these selfish bullies. As for you apologising with a bottle of wine I e never heard anything like it. I would make a formal complaint to the campsite about their group booking policy. Good luck with returning the site to mutual peace and respect.