AIBU DIL ... again

[Notwavingimdrowning]

Sorry I only post on here when I have problems with DIL if you recognise my name ! After the wedding nightmare ( previous thread ) that turned out fine and was a lovely day we now have the end of maternity leave and child care issue. DS and DIL have asked me to help out with childcare when she goes back to work in Sept. Absolutely fine and I am of course happy to help where ever I can, I also work full time.
Some of the shifts are night shifts and when I am at work the next day I will need to drop dgs at nursery, therefore will need a cot and a car seat. DIL sent a pic of a cot and a message that said we were thinking this cot for dgs name. This cot is almost £350 so I messaged back saying there’s really no need for you to buy such an expensive cot for our house and actually we don’t mind paying for a decent second hand one and a new mattress or an inexpensive one from ikea. Didn’t get a response but no problem. DS has called this morning and it turns out that we are expected to buy this cot ourselves and a top of the range car seat too and shes furious that we value dgs so little that we would even consider putting him in something second hand or cheap. I adore this child and would never put his safety in question. I also do not want to spend hundreds of pounds on a cot that will be used a few times a month. AIBU saying that if you want to buy it then fine, but if I’m paying then I will get what I feel is reasonable for the time we will use it. I absolutely know that this will not go down well at all.

I agree with @53rdWay. Why on earth, if you're saying he thinks her demands are bonkers, is he even relaying them to you? It's shit stirring of the highest order, no? Or is it that he is also a CF, and relayed her demands in the hope you'd roll over and agree? Gives him an easy life? If he truly thought she was being daft he would have told her and said "I'm not asking my mum for that, that's very unreasonable! Have a word with yourself"

I suspect your son is creating drama for the both of you. I think you need to video call with him there and understand the matter..

He might be relaying exaggerated things back and forth from both of you

My PiL have looked after DC1 by themselves once in 4yrs and that was when I went into labour with DC2. Even then they complained that I could not give them a specific date in advance. They have never looked after DC2 for us. They do not feel “comfortable” doing so (their words).
Your DiL has no idea how lucky she is.
If I were you I would go down the ‘extra travel cot and car seat no longer required’ line. They are taking the P.

My DS never stays overnight at my ILs. When it came to the car seat they wanted to use their forward facing booster seat when I returned to work, I very politely spoke to them about wanting to keep him rear facing for as long as possible and wanted to buy the seat for them (I'd never expect them to buy anything like that) they were more than happy with that.

I know the cot they have is a second hand one with a new mattress in it and I'd have had no problem with him sleeping in it.

Your DIL sounds mad.

Oh and all of our nursery furniture came from ikea and we will use it for no2 (whenever that happens). It's really lovely

My younger two only slept in travel cots after moses basket as they kept banging their arms off normal cots

A decent travel cot should be fine for several nights in a row. If you find that DG doesn't sleep well in it, perhaps review the situation? Just for comparison, what does DG sleep in at home? Is it the really expensive cot?

We have been seeking a travel cot to keep at MIL's. She dug out the one that DH slept in over 30 years ago, but decided it couldn't be used because the sides had rips in. After a few false starts (all secondhand and costing less than £50), I sent her a link to the Aldi one to look at. It was £34.99, I think. I was meaning to buy it myself but she beat me to it! We've still not tested him in it yet, that's next weekend's trial.

Unfortunately I have come across people like your dil.

One makes snide remarks about being a single parent and working ft and if she can do it she doesn't understand why everyone else can't. Especially as she lives a 2 hour each way commute from her job.

What she doesn't let on is she moved out of her mothers home when the children were still small and moved in with a selection of bfs over the years and left the children to be raised by her widowed mother.

If your ds and dil are grown up enough to have a child then they need to take on board the responsibility that comes with that and change jobs so they have childcare covered

"will let you have their child overnight."

But will she?

If Op can't/won't buy the cot & car seat-is that game over?

So DIL has made the offer & the fact that it didn't work isn't her fault?

But yeah, Op-what's your son's game?

Doesn't he want you to be involved either?

Who needs who more, here? Having read your previous threads, she clearly couldn't give a shiny shit about you and your family (apart from your ds). But, who benefits more from the babysitting plan? Clearly, you'd love to have that time with the baby, but has she asked for/allowed it as a concession or because she needs you? Does she have a back up plan (form her own family) if you don't do it?
Who has the 'power' here?

I would withdraw the offer of childcare and limit contact until such a time as I could be treated appropriately.

The relationship you have with your grandson will be one in the long term where he has little or no respect for you as this is the behaviour his parents are modelling and you are letting them.

Whether you choose to withdraw the offer depends on whether you think a few crumbs is worth more to you than being shown some respect and appreciation.

She should pay for it all and learn to be more appreciative instead of entitled. You sound lovely.