How to stop requests for play dates?

[Arrow20]

Posting here for traffic.

I have a six year old daughter.

There is a girl in her class who has taken a real shine to her over the last year. The mum of this girl is very keen for them to be friends and play outside of school. I find her to be quite pushy and there have been some issues with this girl, pinching, shoving (not just my daughter) and generally being quite unkind at times.

I have also witnessed this girls behaviour at class parties so it's not just here-say. She's not all bad and can play nicely, but just as quickly can start being quite nasty.

So, the mum has contacted me several times over the summer holidays asking to meet up. I asked my daughter if she wanted to and got a resounding no so have tried to make polite excuses but I am running out of ideas.

The mum has just messaged me again this evening, clearly not getting the hint and I just don't know what to say aside from 'we're busy' yet again.

Is there any polite way of being honest about the situation or am I going to end up offending her? I hate any kind of confrontation but at the same time I'm not going to force my daughter to spend time with someone outside of school who she's just not keen on.

Any ideas please?

I dont think you are being cowardly at all TBH. Its an awkward situation for you and I sympathise with you .I found it difficult as my Son had a tight friendship group ,and its difficult to say who he should play with (up to him)!. Just say you are busy over the holidays ,and when they go back to school say you are busy at work/Social /Sports clubs /H/W !.Hopefully she will get the hint!

You could take the opportunity to say to the Mum (whilst DDs out of ear shot) that your DD is worried about playing with her DD because every time they play together x hurts her with the pinching/shoving.

If it happens yet again when you reply "DD doesn't want to at he moment" she will know why.

If you do go, and something happens, remove your DD straight away and leave.

Be ready to do this.

Say nothing, don’t give her a chance for excuses. Have your bag coats ready to grab.

Tell DD you’ll head home for for a hot chick are etc.

Chocolate, obviously

It's the mother who has the social problem. That poor kid. I would be steaming but also I wouldn't turn up at the soft play. She sounds a bit like a mum we knew in primary school in terms of not taking no for an answer or respecting people's boundaries. You do not have to tolerate this. However, I would turn this around and focus on the mother not listening to you. She is the one whose behaviour needs calling out. Take the heat right off the child. I can't immediately think of a text I'd send (sorry) but I'd be giving some thought to how to approach it from this angle.

What made me so angry about the primary school mum we knew was the effect it had on her DD. She tried the: nobody likes my DD. The DD did have behaviour issues which the mum didn't check. But ultimately it was difficult to support the child as the mum allowed crazy things on playdates. This to me sounds like a similar situation developing.

Don't go to soft play,if they kids do play together it will enforce the fact in her head that they play nicely.

Don't over explain, just be unavailable and don't answer texts.

“Don't go to soft play,if they kids do play together it will enforce the fact in her head that they play nicely.”

Which is a good thing. They are 6-they change a lot in a few weeks.

Following with interest, hope everything is ok at soft play @Arrow20

Shes bonkers

This woman has brass balls it's crazy!!

I'd change and do something else for the day, even putting the kids to one side for a second it's getting to the point the woman is bullying you into spending time with them. Fuck that, do not let her force themselves into your life - your time - your weekend, no way José. I'd be gone to the cinema with my phone off and when she text I'd say
"Mary we had no plans, I really can't be any clearer with you, it's starting to get awkward. The girls can play and I am happy to host when they BOTH want to but at the moment they BOTH do NOT want to, so please let's leave it there"

I think the OP has already said she's going, in fact she may be there now though god knows why

“ I will let you know when Dd feels like playing with yours. She has her own little mind and I like to do things at her own pace”

I can't believe this woman is prying on your routine and just showing up! I used to work with a woman like this who would push everything and had zero self awareness or shame. The only time I ever managed to make her step back was when I properly stood up for myself one day and was forceful myself and so I agree with others that with people like this you have to be clear and to the point. Good luck OP

If she can be nice can you not just meet up and get the mum to stay (meet in public) and if she turns nasty leave.
No. OP's DD has already given a 'resounding no' when asked directly if she wants to play with this girl.

She’s only a child, give her a chance.
And not the OP's child, who does NOT want to see her.

I'd go elsewhere today and stop reading her messages so she knows you haven't seen them. You can block her on all forms of contact if you feel the need to, given she's just pestering you at this stage. You don't need to reply telling her you are not going.

I think I would give the soft play a miss this morning.

I’m torn between feeling for the other mum and thinking she is mad Hope soft play is going well!

Can't you just block her number and of you see her just say you are having issues with your mobile? She'll give up eventually.

It’s hearsay. Btw

How pushy is that mum?! Please don't bite young tongue today

I'd do as others have said. Let your DD know that if she feels uncomfortable by the other girl's behaviour at any point, she should come straight to you. Use it as an opportunity to show the other mum why you didn't want to organise any playdates.

If need be, leave and go elsewhere for a treat for DD.

Or, even better, send @8by8's excellent text:

“Honestly I think it would be very awkward if you bring X along to the soft play. DD has made it clear she does not want to play with X at the moment, and I’m not going to push her on this. Obviously your choice what to do, but I wanted to warn you that DD is unlikely to play with X at the soft play, as I wouldn’t want X to be upset.”

Oh golly she does sound unhinged.

You have been entirely reasonable.

It does make me think though, there is a 6 year old in my son's class (also 6) and I know the mum is trying to push play dates but no one else is interested because no one likes the girl.
Is a bit tough for the mum and the girl in my opinion. I don't know the family at all well but I assume the girl can't help the way she is.

I’d be very annoyed tbh. I think I would be passive aggressive and stick my head into my phone and be stand offish with her.