not sure even a week looking after our pets it's a huge responsibility
How is looking after pets a huge responsibility?
Unless you live on a smallholding with stock to manage - & even so, presumably as members of the household, a 24 & a 17 year old would be well versed in the animal care & routine? At 10, I could manage most daily routines on a stableyard ffs.
OP's smaller problem is that day-to-day, her DSS & DD are not required to participate in household chores. To the extent that DSS has trouble leaving his bedroom or replying to texts from his holidaying DPs.
To go from there to sole responsibility is a big ask - & the responsibility was ALL laid on DD's shoulders, as was the unfair & disproportionate blame.
Apparently DSS gets a free pass because - oh I dunno, he holes up antisocially in his room, or is a boy, or summat.
OP's larger problem is DD' unfair treatment.
DD perceives it - random posters on the net perceive it - but OP, you seem to be only just barely aware of it.
You put all the responsibility on her, you blamed her solely (if DSS was out, your rage should have waited until he returned), you told her not to come back home ... & yet still you are "disappointed" in her, & report that it was SHE goading your DP, instead of realising that DP was wrong to shout at her in the street, & as the adult in the interaction, was the one responsible for controlling his temper.
Interesting that you remarked earlier "I turned into my mother" in screaming at DD not to come home. How was your dynamic with your own mother? Did she give you no responsibility for chores, then suddenly turn the tables by demanding 100% responsibility, then berate you for not getting it right first time? Or perhaps some similar "mixed messages" parenting?
I hope you get reconciliation with DD soon - & that you can then ensure you have plenty of one-on-one time with her, demonstrating that she takes first place in your affections.