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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About sending DD to nursery targeting deprived kids?

213 replies

EssentialHummus · 16/08/2019 07:39

I sorted a nursery place for DD(2) literally years ago, but that nursery forgot to tell me that actually they no longer offer the morning only times I wanted, and are still dicking us around.

I SAH and work when DD sleeps. All I want is a couple of morning sessions at a nursery for her to do different things and get used to a setting, and for me to crack on with work and get a bit of headspace. Everywhere is full, long waiting lists, don't do half days etc.

Yesterday I took her to a stay and play session at a nursery we'd never been to. Staff were lovely and clearly experienced from how they interacted with the kids, setting was small but full of creative areas/toys etc, nice garden. I asked the manager if they had nursery places and they have two morning sessions free from September (they are otherwise full). I could have kissed her!

But:
We live in an area that's 50% £££££ houses and 50% acute social deprivation, and this nursery falls in the latter, and I have the impression that most of the kids are probably from deprived families. And deprived in our area doesn't mean "can't afford Boden", it means "can't afford breakfast".

Their stated aim is to "support new parents and families facing difficulty". Their website talks about their commitment to providing 1:1 family support and outreach. The fee is really low. So we're not the target audience, for lack of a better term.

I asked for feedback on the local FB group, and the two mums who replied with kids there are women I vaguely know and who I'm pretty sure have mild learning difficulties. (They're both nice, fwiw, and liked the nursery.)

Not sure what I'm asking really. I'm inclined to take the place - it's a great nursery, near home, lovely staff, cheap, and DD is bright and happy and doesn't need much from nursery other than the chance for a bit of independent play. I'm sure some smartass will come along shortly to say I'm worried about DD "catching poor" - I'm not, but sending her to a nursery that specifically targets families in difficulty? Would you? AIBU?

OP posts:
Alpacamabags · 16/08/2019 07:43

We were offered a space in an under 2s provision for my daughter. We turned it down but only because she was eligible because of mild speech delay. However if someone with greater need (domestic violence, LD, parental substance abuse) came along then she would (rightly) lose her space. We didnt want her to have to change and so declined and will wait until January to start her.
I think what I'm saying is you've exhausted the other options and so absolutely you would be entitled to take the space. You said yourself it seems to be a great provision. I would just clarify whether the space is permanently yours or whether similar rules apply. Good luck. She'll be fab at any nursery.

StealthPolarBear · 16/08/2019 07:46

Why don't you try it? Or by sending her there will you be losing your place on waiting lists elsewhere?

Vasya · 16/08/2019 07:47

I would only worry about this from the perspective of taking a place away from a child who needs is more - but I presume the nursery has its own policies for dealing with that. Otherwise it sounds like a lovely, supportive environment and I would take up the place.

Userzzzzz · 16/08/2019 07:49

You could always try it but I’d be a bit nervous. My friend thought she’d picked a lovely nursery until her little girl came back with some vile, horrid language. She wanted to know what was going on and the manager outlined the demographics and said there was little she could do re the language. She left immediately.

ClemDanFango · 16/08/2019 07:53

Why wouldn’t you? What are your concerns?

Barbarafromblackpool · 16/08/2019 07:55

If you were happy with the staff and setting i'd give it a go, put her name down elsewhere so you can move her if it's not to your liking.

Kvothe · 16/08/2019 07:55

If you are worried about your child “catching poor” what on earth are you worried about? My children went to a very similar nursery, it was wonderful. Staff are amazing at modelling language and behaviour for the children and they were very invested in their roles and the nursery itself. They also had a lower turnover of staff as they made it a priority to keep consistency.

Sotiredofthislife · 16/08/2019 07:55

Yeah, wouldn’t want all that deprivation to rub off on her, eh?

Jesus bloody wept.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 16/08/2019 07:55

Deprived area doesn't automatically equate to bad language... I know some very 'posh' people who use language in front of their children that I wouldn't

Kvothe · 16/08/2019 07:56

**aren’t worried about

AbbyHammond · 16/08/2019 07:56

The nursery will worry about admissions procedures so leave that to them. If you've been offered a place and you want the place then take it.

stayathomer · 16/08/2019 07:56

You could always try it but I’d be a bit nervous. My friend thought she’d picked a lovely nursery until her little girl came back with some vile, horrid language. She wanted to know what was going on and the manager outlined the demographics and said there was little she could do re the language. She left immediately.
Bad language can be found anywhere. I find it very sad that someone who runs a place of education would say the bad language is because of where the people are from

Notquiteagandt · 16/08/2019 07:57

I wouldnt as if its lower fees and a specific target market. Id worry I was taking a place away from a child who could benefit alot more. But maybe thats just me.

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 07:57

Hm. YANBU for reasons you stated in your first paragraph, if it's still offered to you then you have every right to take it no matter what your background but looking at it from a moral persepctive it's a question of is it really fair to send your child there for convenience and take up some funding when it's aim is to reach deprived kids who probably aren't getting what they need at home?

But as I said, if they are happy to give your DD a place then YANBU at all. Dealing with the issue I mentioned above is on the nursery, not you.

Medicmog · 16/08/2019 07:59

I don't see the issue.

You like the setting, they have sessions available that suit you, and it's affordable.

It clearly doesn't only target deprived children, as they have a space available for you.

Stressedout10 · 16/08/2019 08:01

Not trying to be goady but if your not worried about "catching poor " and it's a good nursery, with good staff and space for DC why wouldn't you send DC. In other words what's the problem?

velocitygirl7 · 16/08/2019 08:01

I work in early years, have done for many years. Generally the children with the poorest behaviour, by far, are the white, middle class children. Unfortunately their parents are always the most difficult to deal with too!
In your shoes I'd definitely take the place!

TeachesOfPeaches · 16/08/2019 08:02

It's only got a couple of mornings per week - what are your concerns?

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 08:04

@Sotiredofthislife fgs I didn't get that impression from the OP at all. I think OP's worry is that her DD might be taking up a place when she doesn't really require the extra funding etc the nursery offers. Which is something I commend the OP for thinking about

BlueLadybird · 16/08/2019 08:05

Send her. Hopefully it will give your daughter a rich and diverse experience and mean she ends up more tolerant in her own adult life. You can’t keep her in the Boden bubble forever. Plus from what you’ve said it sounds like a great nursery.

Kewlwifee · 16/08/2019 08:05

I wouldn't because I could afford to send my child elsewhere. Part of the reason Surestart failed was because people who didn't need to use the services dominated them to save money and time. These services have been set up to decrease wealth and health inequalities. I couldn't believe some of my local friends who would happily sign up to baby massage at the local children's centre knowing they have a million quid in the bank.

JollyGiraffe · 16/08/2019 08:07

I think people are misinterpreting (on putpose) the OP's question. She's not worried about her child 'catching poor'.

She's worried about taking a place from a child who needs it more (ie parents need to go out to work to a low paying job to put food on the table for their DC, so they need a nursery place to be able to do that)

SavoyCabbage · 16/08/2019 08:10

I wouldn't because it sounds like it's a subsidised place and you don't need it. You aren't who it's supposed to be for and I wouldn't be comfortable about taking a place from someone that it was designed for.

We live in a silmilar area. My dc are black and the area is very white British. When my dd started high school she was offered a place on a scheme run by our local university that was designed to help encourage her to go to university. We thought it was really weird as we have four degrees between us and we eventually discovered that she had racked up the 'points' to be eligible as she wasn't white. We declined the offer as we aren't who the scheme was designed for.

Thistly · 16/08/2019 08:11

I had no idea that was why sure start failed.
I thought it worked, but just had the funding pulled because of political decisions.
I’d be interested to read up on its failure under those terms. Got any links?

WeshMaGueule · 16/08/2019 08:12

Did SureStart fail? I thought it was doign a brilliant job until the Tories cut its funding. WIlling to stand corrected though.