To ask: why wouldn’t you take your husband’s surname?

[Josephinaphia]

Not looking for a row here - just genuinely interested in people’s reasoning behind not changing their surname upon marriage.
I am married and although I have a very unique maiden name which I love, I took my husband’s surname when we married. It was strange at first and a little sad, but now it is my name and part of my identity, as my original name was. We have 2 DDs who both have the surname too.
My questions are:
If you kept your name, what were your reasons? (e.g. you’d already made a name for yourself in your profession)
If it is a feminist issue of ‘ownership’ as some people seem to suggest, why is it any better to be ‘owned’ by your dad, to be known by your dad’s surname?
Is it not complicated having a different surname to your children, does it not get annoying when people assume you are Mrs DH’s surname anyway?
Do your children question why you have a different name?
With the whole double-barelling thing, again is this a feminist issue? To both be equal? But then what is the long-term plan? When your DC get married will they add their surname to their spouse’s surname and potentially have a quadruple-barrel name? And what of the generation after that?
I have a really lovely dad who treats my mum incredibly well and my husband is the same to me, so I’ve never really had a complex about men being superior or me being inferior and just never really saw the issue with having a shared marital, family name - but it seems so common now for women to want to keep their maiden name (their dad’s name) in some capacity and I guess I’m just curious as to why. As far as I can see, taking your husband’s name is the sensible way to do it if you’re going to have family. Double-barrelling in particular is surely just causing problems for your children further down the line?

I wouldn't change my name to my partners because mine is fairly unique and it would be a paperwork ballache. Also his daughter from his previous relationship has the same first name as me so there'd be two of us.

Also it's 2019

Because I like the name I have and DPs name is difficult to spell!

I'm sick having to spell DDs name and also no one can pronounce it properly

I always knew i would change my surname to my dp when we get married. Our dd is currently double barralled, and we'll change her surname to ours after as well

However, professionally i will still be known as my maiden name

Because my husband's surname is a diminutive of my first name, think Christine Chrissy. Also why does he not have to change his name because he has a penis? We both double barrelled and keep our unmarried names for professional use.

Welcome to Mumsnet

Because I am not a possession?

Why didn't your husband take your name when you got married OP?

My friend refused to take her DH's surname because she felt so attached to hers - culturally and personally. E.g. it would have been like changing 'Napolitano' to 'Smith'.

But she agreed their DC would have his surname.

I didn't because his dps were toxic. I didn't want the same name as mil. I took dh's first name as my surname...

Oh and it's not my dad's name. It's my name, I've had it from birth. You wouldn't ask my brother why he's kept his father's name.

I couldn't be bothered with the paperwork, we don't have children and I don't like DH's surname - the ending is the same as the ending of my first name.

My dad is cool.

My husband's dad is a cunt.

I like my maiden name.

It was really that simple. I don't have a long-term plan as to what surname our great, great grandchildren will use. I'm sure they'll figure it out.

I like to think of it as a family name.

And if you think for 35 seconds, you will realise that your husband’s name is his father’s as much is yours is your father’s. But you have both spent your lives making it your own.

But under your regime, women can never own their own name!

I have a brother. We both have our father's surname. Yet someone marrying my brother would be taking my brother's name, whilst I'd forever have my father's name?

Because it is my name and changing your name is illogical.

Why did you husband keep his dad's name? :P

My friend didn't take her husbands surname when they married because it rhymed exactly with her first name (think Julie Huley) she kept her maiden name and the kids are double-barreled. I don't see how it would cause any issues in the future for the kids, like her they can make their own decisions when they get married!

"Why didn't your husband take your name when you got married OP?"

This.

"As far as I can see, taking your husband’s name is the sensible way to do it if you’re going to have family".

Why? I have my name, my husband has his name, my children have my name.

As far as I can see, taking your husband’s name is the sensible way to do it if you’re going to have family.

Or he can take yours. Why should it be the woman who automatically changes her name?

It was strange at first and a little sad

So why do it?

I object to women having to do a shit-ton of admin that men don't have to do because they got married. And marriage is seen as an accomplishment for women and not men. Fuck that noise. Men live longer when they are married, let them use the extra time to change their name.

I’ve never really had a complex about men being superior or me being inferior

I am always baffled when women say things like this - have they really never been treated differently than men or have they just not noticed?

Well I love my Dad. I don't love DH's Dad.