To ask: why wouldn’t you take your husband’s surname?

[Josephinaphia]

Not looking for a row here - just genuinely interested in people’s reasoning behind not changing their surname upon marriage.
I am married and although I have a very unique maiden name which I love, I took my husband’s surname when we married. It was strange at first and a little sad, but now it is my name and part of my identity, as my original name was. We have 2 DDs who both have the surname too.
My questions are:
If you kept your name, what were your reasons? (e.g. you’d already made a name for yourself in your profession)
If it is a feminist issue of ‘ownership’ as some people seem to suggest, why is it any better to be ‘owned’ by your dad, to be known by your dad’s surname?
Is it not complicated having a different surname to your children, does it not get annoying when people assume you are Mrs DH’s surname anyway?
Do your children question why you have a different name?
With the whole double-barelling thing, again is this a feminist issue? To both be equal? But then what is the long-term plan? When your DC get married will they add their surname to their spouse’s surname and potentially have a quadruple-barrel name? And what of the generation after that?
I have a really lovely dad who treats my mum incredibly well and my husband is the same to me, so I’ve never really had a complex about men being superior or me being inferior and just never really saw the issue with having a shared marital, family name - but it seems so common now for women to want to keep their maiden name (their dad’s name) in some capacity and I guess I’m just curious as to why. As far as I can see, taking your husband’s name is the sensible way to do it if you’re going to have family. Double-barrelling in particular is surely just causing problems for your children further down the line?

This fuss over what the children will do is what seems short sighted OP. They'll do what everyone else does, which is make a decision about what to call their children based on their own preferences.

I like my name, so I asked dh if he wanted to changed his, he wasn't keen so we kept our own.

Never had an issue with ds having a different name.

DH didn’t take my name because I didn’t ask him to!

Did he ask you to take his?

I double barrelled but adding his long name to my long name meant that it got bastardised on bank card and stuff and instead of having to just spell my surname I had to then spell his too, so after a couple of years I deed polled back to just my surname as it'd who I am, we don't have children, but if we did I think I would have given them my name, but I feel much more me being Mrs Me rather than Mrs Husband.

Because I don’t see why I should
It’s admin
My name is awesome
However you dress it up, the tradition is a result of women giving up their identity and becoming the mans property on marriage, I have no desire to celebrate that tradition

If you all want to have the same name, you could chose a new one or both double barrel. Or DH could change his name to yours.

“disagreeing with taking the man’s name on principle cause he’s a man”
Nothing to do with him being a man. I wouldn’t take the person I married’s name whether it was a man or a woman.

The double-barrel thing seems to be just they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it kind of thing? It just feels maybe a wee bit short-sighted that although you got to ‘have the best of both worlds’ and kept your maiden name AND took your husband’s name, you are kind of denying your own children that option (unless they’re going to have a crazy ridiculous long name!).

The Spanish seem to have managed just fine.

You're the one who is short sighted, and quite frankly coming across as stupid.

‘cause I shouldn’t have to’ kind of deal, disagreeing with taking the man’s name on principle cause he’s a man and it’s 2019? Which is fair enough if that’s your way of thinking, each to their own!

why do you think that way of thinking is wrong? There's a very negative undertone in your posts in this regard.

I shouldn't have to do pointless paperwork and change my identity for the sake of a mysoginistic tradition. Yeah, each to their own.

Any children would be given my name btw or double barrelled if DH didn’t want us all to have the same name by a means other than me just changing mine

you are kind of denying your own children that option (unless they’re going to have a crazy ridiculous long name!).

My children have a double barrelled surname but I wouldn't say it's a crazy ridiculous long name..

And a double barrelled surname could be made up of two single syllable surnames.

I have unusual first name. I have to spell it out all the time. My husband has an unusual surname, it always has to be spelt out. I couldn't bear the thought of having to go through both names every sodding time! Also, by the time I married (at 34) I'd been working in the same, small field for years and was published under my name. I like my name and feel proud of what I've accomplished whilst known by it. Plus my husband wasn't even remotely bothered (not that that would have made a difference to my decision).

Because m family name was dying out, because I had a profession where my name was my reputation and because i didn't like his surname and he didn't either. The other choice we looked at was for us both to chose a new name.

Surely it doesn't take a genius to work out why some women don't take their husband's surname.

I'm adding DP's to mine when we marry, mainly because it will mark me out more strongly as being part of our culture, and that's important to me.

My children have a hyphenated name. They can choose to keep it, keep part of it, change part of it, change it completely- it’s entirely in their hands.

Because it had been my name for 27 years and I liked it. Because DH’s last name sounds crap with my first name.

DCs have his last name. Never had a problem; at their school I’d say more than half the mothers have kept their maiden names, so it’s not unusual.

If it is a feminist issue of ‘ownership’ as some people seem to suggest, why is it any better to be ‘owned’ by your dad, to be known by your dad’s surname?

Because I wasn't fully informed on the feminist issues in utero and so hey presto this is the name I have always had.

Just because it's my name and changing it for the sake of tradition is, to me, a load of silly patriarchal faff. And our kids have my name not DH's.

Because I didn't want to. No other reason needed. Changing a name is not something that you need to find excuses to get out of.

Because I already had my own perfectly nice name I'd been using for 26 years.

Because I'm not English and had no cultural expectations of every becoming
Mrs Husbandsname

Mainly I just didn't want to.

As feminists say, if changing to your spouse’s name is so great, why don’t men do it?

I know one man who did, he married a man and his surname before he made the change had been an embarrassing one.

I like my name, it's my professional name, my husband doesn't own me, it's a tradition that is dying out and will soon be dead.

My kids respect that i have a different name.

I like the idea of all of us being under one family name, but it was more important to me to not lose my name.

Genuinely interested and not looking for a fight but why didn't your husband take your 'very unique' maiden name if you loved it so much?

“DCs have his last name.“

Phew. At least you’re maintaining a bit of the natural order of things..

I did change mine at the request of DH. I regret doing so! Preferred my maiden name

Because his surname is ugly.