driving someone who says they may become unconscious

[Alwaysannoyingsomeonesmomehow]

Situation is an urgent need to relocate someone and their vehicle that they can't drive, their several children and nine animals, (half are bigger ones) and possessions, from where they are now, to where they 'absolutely have to be on x date' on a very low budget.

They insist they cant fly, or split up animals and people.
Not all animals and children are expected to travel well and all will be packed into tight space. (one animal to be drugged with possible breathing side effects)
The journey they need to undertake is a minimum of 9 hours, easily up to 12.

Physical end of driving isn't an issue. (am experienced long term commercial driver and know my stuff and how to do it.)

Adult has various conditions, mainly undiagnosed, but no question that some very serious stuff seems to be happening to them.

Long history of them apparently losing consciousness and then ending up comatose from hours to days. They're saying it's normal and likely to happen at any point on this journey and all fine, the kids are used to them being unconscious (not asleep) for hours on end.

I and another driver were both originally fine to take (and care for) animals and stuff when people were all flying, but then got 'people now must travel in vehicle too' sprung on us.

We think the normalizing of someone being unconscious (and in front of the children) and being expected to say 'oh well' and carry on if that happens, is dangerous, irresponsible, and beyond acceptable.

But as a result, this (much loved) person will now turn to a non commercial driver who they don't know, who says they'll do it, and place everyone's lives in random hands.

Adult is saying being unconscious for all or part of the journey isn't life threatening, it's just how their life is, welcome to the choices they have to make all the time, and we're making too big a deal out of it. The children are all so used to it all etc. However these are the same children who can't be split from their parent,each other, or animals for the journey because of anxiety.

I get it, and bodily autonomy, but it feels like being made to accept the unacceptable because otherwise the situation may get worse.

We're now second guessing ourselves. I think we're NBU, but are we making to much out of it?

I hope they aren’t moving somewhere in the UK, as it can be a long time before support, if any is given.

Huge numbers of visibly neglected children round the area. Sorry if this is a reach, but it’s not a refugee camp, is it?
It all sounds very irregular, but your dramatic writing style may be putting an unfortunate slant on things.
Physical changes that she couldn’t have done to herself?? Has she lost a limb, or something?

Purple no there'd be seats and belts for all of them, proper traveling crates etc, and not just carry cages, though I can't imagine how their stuff would then go into the same vehicle.

Headintheclouds sorry I don't mean to fuel any drama, I'm not good at getting my point over, I would expect them to have seen that as immoral too. No refugee camps here, just a lot of crap estates and difficulties and children who are clearly not having great home lives or much supervision. Lots of SS/police interventions .

I don't want to say exactly as I've said too much already, but it would be on the same level as if someone's limb started visibly bending badly in the middle of a bone, ie you couldn't not notice the change in them, and there's no way they're doing it to themselves. Somethings going seriously wrong.

I cannot think of any non-serious conditions or illnesses that produce long periods of unconsciousness of the kind you describe. It's possibly psychosomatic in origin, but I'm with Passthecherrycoke here. Lead swinging of some kind.

SS haven't had an issue in the past, ... It's me who questions what it must be like to witness what they apparently take for granted

That's what makes me think that the family (not you) have been minimising to SS and maybe to themselves., apart from the obvious medical issues. Perhaps not letting SS know how much those children have witnessed? Changing countries could be about getting more help, but it could be running away from having to reveal more. Or both - hoping to get help without having to reveal anything they don't want to reveal.

Huge numbers of visibly neglected children around the area and they just aren't anywhere on the scale.

That's possible, but it still sounds as if no-one wants to flag it up to them. Not if it means admitting to more than a physical problem and from what you have said your relative sounds more than just physically ill.

Moving with nine animals is batshit in itself. Selfish, unrealistic, out of touch, for a person who is unwell and has children to care for and no money. Or yes, that might in itself be another way of avoiding the move.

I am reading what you've said fairly carefully but obviously we don't have a complete picture and we do have to guess to advise really. Apologies for wrong guesses, pick out what make sense to you.

There is a disorder called sleeping beauty syndrome, but given everything that's going on here I'd eat my hat if that was the cause.

It's all very melodramatic and none of it makes sense.

Absent seizures caused by epilepsy or Pseudo seizures??

there really is no need to be so vague with details of the unspecified large animals and changes to physical appearance and who these people are to you and where TAF you are going. the bare bones of the situation alone are enough for anyone who is aware of it to recognise it so why be bizarrely ambiguous about everything else which might actually assist with finding you a solution

I honestly think, going by everything you have posted, that this adult is an abusive, dangerous, self-obsessed piece of shit. And the best thing to do might well be to transport the kids - and perhaps the animals - to the safe place, while fobbing the adult off with vague promises. The adult is likely to survive well enough by finding new people to leech off and feed sob-stories to, while the kids will have a chance of growing up in a safer, happier environment. Because people as manipulative as this adult will have trained the children thoroughly to be a) young carers and b) put up a good front when questions are asked, probably by threatening them with homelessness or 'going into care' and maybe the death of the manipulative adult, if they dare to speak up.

That wouldn’t go on for hours or days fretfulparent

It mightn’t be as easy as it sounds to separate these kids from their parent, grotesque though she sounds, SGB. There should definitely be ss involvement at both ends of the journey, though.
Not sure where the pets come in; they seem to be occupying a lot of headspace more deserved by the children?

Someone in this scenario is talking bullshit.

IF this person is truly medically unconscious for hours on end they’d be in hospital.

IF this person is truly medically unconscious for hours in end then you have a moral duty to shout about this long and loud to Social Services. Regardless of what you think has happened previously.

Someone’s talking shit. Without more details it’s impossible to say who though.

If your relative is travelling to live on one of the smaller Scottish islands are they aware that medical help will not be the same as they are currently able to access on the mainland?(if that is their destination - thinking relative could be living in a rough area and looking for a country ideal where the ifs are away from poor influences and they think their own health will improve with less stress - ok may be a million miles away but have seen similar happen before)

Why try and be ambiguous? Because it appeared to be the correct thing. I'm clearly pretty crap at it.

What I asked for help with was AIBU to refuse to drive someone in this scenario they are presenting? I knew well-meaning people would start saying fly/separate people from animals/throw money etc, so put it in the op to avoid.
I wasn't actually asking if people believed this person to be genuinely unwell, with what, or could anyone come up with a different solution, (and feel pretty crap at some of the speculation I've caused,) just if I was right to find the whole idea dangerous, irresponsible, and beyond acceptable because others reactions off-board and how normalized everything seemed to be left me beginning to doubt myself.

This is very bizarre. I went through a period of blacking out/fainting, years ago, and surrendered my driving license while it was investigated. Interestingly for this thread, A&E told me to stop going to them, because it was just a 'revolving door', so I can sort of believe that it may not be taken all that seriously if the person wakes up again fairly swiftly. For me, it was two drugs crossing in my brain and short-circuiting it, in a nutshell. Once I stopped one of the drugs, the passing out stopped.

I can't really add to other posts, except to say that as a professional driver, you'd be held to that standard if there was an incident involving your vehicle. Consider how having anxious children, collapsing adults and stressed animals may affect your ability to take evasive action in the event of an incident, or cause you to have an incident.

Have you considered the possibility that it is drugs and/or alcohol causing this mysterious loss of consciousness?

Having just read the 5 pages, I can honestly say I have no fucking clue what is going on.

I don't know who reported you but it wasn't me. It's not a crock from my end, and while I did question if I was BU I did refuse.

I said earlier I thought I should delete the thread before I upset anyone.

@Alwaysannoyingsomeonesmomehow to answer strictly your question, no YANBU to question and refuse to go ahead with this bonkers plan.

While I know some of the speculation has upset you, the what ifs and possible underlying issues are exactly why you are not being unreasonable.

If you don't live with this person or closely involved, you're relying on information either from them,or family members near then whom you already know they have a skewed view of thing. (Because they insist none of this is worrying and it'll all be fineeeee).

In your shoes I'd offer help with the stuff,kids and animals(the drugged up one is up to you). The poorly grownup can arrange their own way there, with another "it's fineeeeeee family member" , a random driver, buses/trains/ferries etc. It's entirely up to them. Or at the most, they make their way across to the mainland and you'll pick them up there on the proviso that if they do fall ill(whatever form that takes) you will pull over and call emergency services.

If they're not happy with that , then that's up yo them. You're offering help ,in condition which you are comfortable with given the situation, it's up to them if they take it or not.

dangerous, irresponsible and beyond acceptable. There really does seem to be bits missing from your story, and as such any opinions you get on here are worthless, really, don’t you think?

As a parent of a child who does this too I see your concern but medical professionals really do not worry if they keep vital signs!

I say my ds is asleep. He probably is but cannot be woken up!

It's 2-5 hours!

We have migraines diagnosed and investigating possible hypoglycaemia. But his happen sometimes twice a month and sometimes he's clear for 2-3 months.

But it's not about whether this is right it's about how you feel about taking this person on a journey. You don't sound comfortable so you have every right to say no.

Glad you have refused to get involved.

My niece suffers epilepsy and can be unconscious for upto an hour at a time but you would know if someone was fitting I am sure.

When you say appearance changes I still wouldn’t rule out over dramatics, some people can convince themselves into symptoms/really bloody good drama queens.
Cared for someone who would literally go clammy/flushed/hot then pale and faint then on coming round appear beyond normally dazed and confused/unable to function.
They were known for doing this, they hyperventilated themselves into a state basically combined with an ED they looked ghastly. Took a long time to work out the cause and test how it magically came on when they weren’t allowed xyz.
Also went to school with a boy who had a “seizure” when his console was removed.. older sibling said he magically recovered when they mentioned placing an iv. Medic obviously knew he was at it and asked for the large needle iv.

Another easy test is the eyelash test, lightly touch their eyelashes, truely out won’t move faking it tend to hold their eyes tightly closed. There’s pinching ear lobes and the meaner sternum rub (pain stimuli).

But id flat out refuse to take them by car, you can take the rest but they surely can find a way to afford to get there themselves perhaps with an older dc incase they need help.