AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

[custarddonut]

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

maybe the child has parents who tell him 'you make as much noise as you like' which is what my NDN tell their shouty, screamy little boy...hes quite cute but is being bought up by entitled parents who have no thought for anyone else ( neighbours children 3 doors away are far too loud when playing on trampoline according to 'shoutys' dad and they need to be quite?!?) im not 'allowed' to mow my lawn when 'shoutys' little sister is trying to sleep (i must get a list of nap times ,bedtimes, etc just in case) the list is endless...

"I will do my best to raise a considerate but confident child"

OP, you sound lovely and this is a wonderful aim. But I would say that there are probably stages of development where they are just too young to be considerate, and that you will discover this. I found it quite painful! But thankfully it gets better as they get older.

OP, you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.
I know parents who leave pubs and coffeeshops because of overloud, ''look at ME'' toddlers whose parents are utterly oblivious of, and don't seem to moderate the loudness or screeching..or the running about in a crowded place.
It is much more common nowadays.
The worst case was of a toddler who screeched diabolocally on a flight for eight hours solid, beginning before the plane had even taken off.
The kid was filmed, and put on YT and made it to the news in his country as his mother was so indulgent and lazy {did nothing to rein in the unruly behaviour}..take a look and be very glad you weren't on that flight! :)

Lemonlady.....Trampolines, modern day torture devices for neighbours that whip up screeching like nothing else ...our local family of screechers are away, and it is bliss.
Noise is often why people move house...Dad used to say ''Hell is OPK''
{other people's kids}
A friend {parent of two children} moved out to a detached house in the country to get peace.......then across the field he heard a hideous screeching......and a blue monstrosity with what looked like leaping fleas on it in the distance appeared ...a trampoline.
They are hundreds of metres away, but clearly audible.

I'd mow the grass and be done with Shouty.

I get you OP. I have a toddler who gets very excited on trains etc & like most all toddlers he seems to love turning up the volume on his voice. I would always be saying "no need to shout, DS!" Or "indoor voice DS, you can speak more quietly I can hear you". But probably 90% of the time the effect would be modest and short-lived. Short of gagging him it's really hard to get him quieter. The fact that its a busy rush hour train wouldn't be enough for me to resort to extremes unless sat in the quiet Zone tho, rush hour trains aren't "adults only". If we were unavoidably somewhere like a hospital I would resort to a tablet/phone, but I can't stand parents who do that at the slightest hint of a toddler chatting happily, even if at a volume that's a bit annoying.

I absolutely agree with you op. I have three children, and took it upon myself to teach them how to behave in whatever situation we were in at the time.

There is nothing more irritating than having to listen to the tantrums/high volume ramblings of a toddler, particularly when you are in a confined space.
Yes, this stage is hard work, but I think as a parent you should make them understand that their ‘outdoor voice’ is not ok indoors!
Other people should not have to put up with it. It’s not cute, or funny to others.
I see so many parents that just seem to have given up on teaching their kids right from wrong. It’s part of our job as a parent to guide them, and help them to become a considerate member of society. It’s not ok to turn a blind eye, thinking that everyone should understand that ‘little billy’ is a toddler, so he can behave anyway he likes.
YANBU.

"I think as a parent you should make them understand that their ‘outdoor voice’ is not ok indoors!"

With some children you cannot "make" them understand that and for others although in theory they understand that, when they are tired, excited etc, they can't do it.

I get the trampoline hate when it's right up against your fence, but our nearest neighbour isabout 25 meters away - there's a small communal green between the houses - and has one and I never hear it. My younger kids play with her kids on it sometimes but we don't have one. I have to walk half way across the green to check on them, I can't hear them.

Must be weird accoustics in that area to hear trampoline play from hundreds of meters away oak !

Younger children are generally well behaved and calm if they've had an hour or two's vigorous outdoor exercise already that day, but by the sound of it thise deluding themselves that they were perfect parents keep their children indoors sitting quietly at all times. This seems highly unlikely.

This thread is hilarious.

Op I'm sure you will be cringing when you look back in 3 years time. And I'm actually shocked that a few people that think parents should be able to moderate a toddlers volume, actually have dc. I feel so sorry for them. My mum was that parent and she's still a horrible cow, obsessed with keeping up appearances and not showing her up.

And I'm actually shocked that a few people that think parents should be able to moderate a toddlers volume, actually have dc. I feel so sorry for them.

Perhaps you should come and ask my kids how they feel about me. I am by no means perfect, but I don't think they'd say I was a horrible cow, obsessed with keeping up appearances.

Yes, I did always try and stop my 3 year olds being too loud in public places. Why would I not? It mostly worked and they learnt how to behave in public. Most people learn this, so why not at age 3?

WTF? Why on earth would you get that from simply asking a toddler to speak more quietly? I don't think it's anything but luck that it worked for my toddler BTW! "Inside voices please" is a totally normal phrase lots of parents use. I don't use that exact wording myself but the sentiment stands.

My ds tried toclimb on the table and squeal at random people who had food as he was hungry in a cafe thisMorning. Our food was coming. He's only 13mths but huge and walking well so taken as older. I said yours is coming and we sit nicely. And gave him a spoon and some toys. He then proceeded to make a racket banging until food came and screaming when stopped banging.

Seriously sometimes you can win. Inside voice means quiet and then they bang toys louder than teir voice.

The mom in ops. Situation tried and kept him distracted. She deserves a medal as I'd have nightmares taking ds on public transport in rush hours!!

Of course you can try by asking them to use their "indoor voice" etc, why wouldn't you.

It's the tone of some of the posters who make them understand and make them behave that makes me feel sad for them.

I don't see how you can achieve that 100% of the time with a toddler, unless you scare the shit out of them like my own mother did with me. Perhaps I'm projecting but I think it's completely unreasonable to expect a child of that age to do everything you tell them, every single time.

Also love the fact that the op knows the child's age. I know two people who's dcs are in age 4 clothing who from appearance look like they're not far off school age and they've only just turned 2!

Have you spent any time trying to negotiate with a 3 year old?
He sounds adorable and it’s great that he was chatting about his surroundings.
I admire your optimism that you think a parent can control the volume of their child and would be very interested to know what your suggestions are in 3 years time.

and would be very interested to know what your suggestions are in 3 years time.

Jeeez....how patronising.

YABU unless you were all in the quiet carriage in which case YANBU.
You can’t really moderate toddler volume for more than a few seconds but you can try to minimise impact.

Industrial-style protectors should do the trick, if you don't mind looking like Mickey Mouse. They will almost cancel out screaming toddlers, people yapping on their mobile phones and other annoyances.

People like you annoy the hell out of me OP. As many others have said this is going to come back to bite you. God forbid you have a noisy toddler on public transport at any given time! Do you get annoyed when babies cry too? Good luck OP you’re going to need it!

I am one of THOSE mums.

My daughter has Autism, she has started a new routine at nursery, her dad has left and she has new nursery teachers too.

She was screaming walking to, getting on the bus and during the journey too.

I use a quiet voice so she needs to listen better which quitens her and distraction techniques. I often apologise to commuters and drivers too although I shouldn't need to as she has an illness that can't be helped.

YABU to judge this mum especially if you are pregnant with your first and don't know the joys of travelling with a young child, especially one that isnt NT.

I'm also disabled myself with EDS which means I can't physically help.my daughter at times. Please be aware that AN kids could have AN parents too.

I think children need to learn from a young age to be quiet. Unless they have a disability they are perfectly capable of being taught.
Three and a half is not a toddler. It’s a preschool child. They should be able to be engaged in quieter activities.

I love seeing and hearing annoying children in public for two reasons:
It proves that it's not just my kids who are annoying
Someone else has to deal with it

Am I evil?

was on a London Overground Chap got on with speakers & microphone & proceeded to play music & sing loudly amplified offkey - believe me a baby or toddler however loud had nothing on that!

@bungaloid I always you to think "its not me, its not me" & be profoundly grateful my dc weren't creating & for those smug people whose dc would never do this - either you have bad memories, are lying to yourself - us, or you were very lucky. Some dc have more problems being quiet (adhd for instance) or more immature, are bored, tired, hungry or the noise of the train upsets them or they cant hear themselves as clearly so they get louder

I am a nanny and have been for many years. And believe me it is very hard to get a toddler to reduce their volume ever!!! They seem to not have a volume control !!! The 3 year old I look after would prob have a tantrum aswell over searing etc so well done to the mother who kept so calm . Sometimes it is SO hard to do that and this is my job 😂. Also as you say anybody can travel on any train and they will have paid extra for that train so she probably had a good reason for using it . When you have your baby you will understand all of this 😂

doh! used to think!