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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

380 replies

custarddonut · 15/08/2019 10:23

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

OP posts:
dollybooo · 16/08/2019 18:22

OP WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!?!?!

If you want silence and/or peace & quiet bloody drive instead of getting the train,

You sound horrendously precious.

And the detail you've gone into here about this ridiculous non issue is absurd.

Get a grip!!!!!!!

greathat · 16/08/2019 18:29

Ha I remember taking my 3 year old to an appointment to get some pregnancy bloods done. I kept trying to shush her, but it didn't stop her asking if everyone else who was there was getting babies put in their tummies - in a packed waiting room I was the only female of child bearing age. She asked why "the very old man couldn't have a baby in his tummy", why the biker men "had been drawing on themselves and why they had too many rings", whether the old ladies "were too old to have babies". All at full volume.

Luckily by the muffled snorts and sniggers everyone there found it more entertaining than you

Dillydallyingthrough · 16/08/2019 18:36

YANBU - I used the 'indoor voice' phrase often with my DD (ASD) when she was younger than that. I completely understood no-one else thought her chatter was super cute. She also doesn't hate me or think I'm horrible, as a teen she still chooses to spend time with me. She actually gets frustrated with the (increasing) number of parents who sit back doing nothing and let their kids screech, shout, talk loudly etc.

nuxe1984 · 16/08/2019 18:38

My experience is that people on phone calls make more noise on trains than toddlers.
And they are capable of talking quieter!

sideorderofchips · 16/08/2019 18:39

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Please do come
And try and moderate my son. He is about to turn four and doesn’t shut up or stop
Moving between when he gets up at 6 to when he goes to bed

mollpop · 16/08/2019 18:42

No, you're not being unreasonable. Of course the parent had a responsibility to at least try to moderate the child's behaviour so that it doesn't negatively impact on everyone else

oddsocks123 · 16/08/2019 18:45

YABU, children should be seen but not heard attitude is rather outdated..

However, 3 year olds aren't toddlers, calling 3 year olds toddlers is a pet peev of mine! Once they turn 3 toddlerhood is over and they're just small children

rachaelclaire1 · 16/08/2019 19:01

Bless! Check back when you have your own little noise bundle 🥰

Chubbyorcuddly · 16/08/2019 19:25

I understand and had exactly the same thought this morning on the train with a baby screaming........ I know I'm being unreasonable athe same way I secretly like the idea of buggy free shopping times.

lilieyes · 16/08/2019 19:32

How on earth does the op know the age of the child in question though cherry?

I have two friends who's dcs are both in age 4 clothing and they really don't look like they've both just turned 2. 24 and 25 months old!

My friend gets really irritated as people like the op seem to think they are much older than they are and give her judgemental looks all the time with her 24 month old son, which in itself I think you'd have to be pretty dense to judge anyone in that situation as how the hell does anyone know if the child is neurotypical?

Basically the moral of the story here is that everyone should just mind their own.

JLo1979 · 16/08/2019 19:50

I agree with you op. As a mom of 4 kids(one with asd), I would always be aware of my surroundings and be mindful of other peoples peace and quiet so would absolutely tell my kids to shush. Yes it doesn't always work but at least you as a parent are trying to be proactive and teaching your kids to have manners. It bothers me so much that people think we have to pander to their children and let them do whatever. This is not how the world works and life as an adult is going to be a very difficult place for these children!

nannykatherine · 16/08/2019 19:51

sorry OP
you will find out soon..
this is what three year olds do ... i have two of them narrating and asking questions to me constantly .
it’s how they learn ..
you can’t just say
shush
all day
how tragic would that be if they stopped asking !!
plus it’s so much better to see a lively mind in a toddler and the parents not numbing their brain with an ipad or phone and turning them into an unimaginative silent child ..
most people have headphones these days don’t they ...

SugarNyx · 16/08/2019 19:54

Suck at it up! Toddlers are toddlers and have as much right to do and say what they want as the rest of us. It’s annoying and we could do without it but tough shit. They’re three! They don’t give a fuck that you’re too old and jaded to appreciate it

Mrsgogginsthe3rd · 16/08/2019 21:02

Is this for real? If so I can’t decide whether you just lack any empathy, or are a complete Sociopath.

I mean a tantrums, v annoying but you’re on public transport children, even toddlers are allowed to travel on it and I can tell you now no f*&ker wants to be on a commuter train if they really don’t have to be, especially not a Mum with a toddler, if your driver wasn’t available that morning you maybe need to put up and shut up! And as for the toddler talking?!? You have a problem with a child talking and expressing an interest in the world. Wow, just wow. May you be blessed with a child that gives you the most terrible of the terrible twos Grin

HavelockVetinari · 16/08/2019 21:08

3 year olds aren't toddlers, calling 3 year olds toddlers is a pet peev of mine! Once they turn 3 toddlerhood is over and they're just small children

Baaahahahaaa! Grin

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 16/08/2019 21:16

I'm now mum to older dc (15,14,11) but I still remember the toddler years! As such, I am one of those people smiling at the mum and talking to the toddler to give the mum a break! I really enjoy toddlers, now that they are not mine Grin

skyblu · 16/08/2019 21:40

Yeah, YABU. He was 3 years old. THREE.

WarmSunBlueSkies · 16/08/2019 21:58

NataliaOsipova makes a very good point re reminding toddlers there are other people too.

I agree with you OP. Dont be put off by others telling you you don't understand as you haven't had your little one yet.

People without children still know about good manners and consideration for others. So yes, even toddlers can have it explained to them that they need to speak in a quieter voice. It's not cruel or particularly complicated to explain that to them, really, it isn't.

I was on the tube this morning and a very loud voiced toddler was handled magnificently by his mum. She asked, then again explained he was just too loud, he got the message bless him. She probably had to tell him on the next train, possibly the one after that but that's how kids learn.

Well eventually, still have to tell youngest DC, 10, sometimes that I'm right next to them and they don't need to tell the whole carriage/street etc!

Shortfeet · 16/08/2019 22:02

Yanbu
I was never allowed to yell like that in public or at home.

I didn’t let my own children do it either.

Shortfeet · 16/08/2019 22:05

You absolutely can bring up your children not to yell. I’m from a huge family and not one of the children yells like that.

I’m amazed at those on here saying you can’t stop them.

Yes you can.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 16/08/2019 22:31

People without children still know about good manners and consideration for others

This. There are some twats in this thread with their seemingly awful children. God help the kids when they have to make their way into the world

CherryPavlova · 16/08/2019 22:54

I think low expectations are quite sad. Most weeks I see little ones being trained to be quiet, to colour, to do stickers, to read for about an hour whilst the parents are at Mass. Of course, they’re not perfect all the time but they rarely disturb others.
A three year old will need to sit still and be quiet for nursery story time too.
If the expectation isn’t set then it’s not going to happen. It requires active parenting rather than abdication of responsibility. How will they cope at school if they’ve never learned to be quiet, to be settled and calm?

Mopmum35 · 16/08/2019 22:59

O gosh. You have all of it to come my darling. Grin

Loveuforever · 16/08/2019 23:04
Grin
Cloudyyy · 16/08/2019 23:07

Hahahaha good luck with your future toddler!!