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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - not to punish DS for this?

159 replies

IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:27

My sons friends parents seem to think I am being unreasonable because I won’t punish (or in fact tell him off) my ds14 for something that happened yesterday at a local event.

DS went to event with some friends and two of the friends parents. The kids went off alone while there but were called by ds friend to come and sort out an issue that had arisen.

Ds and his group of male friends had met up with others - including a young lady who (according to all the boys) spent the afternoon being a bit silly - pretending to faint on a fairground ride and then going on again, generally over reacting and screaming at every little thing. Just a bit OTT in general, but she’s know for being like this at school too.

Said girl won a goldfish at one of those hoop a duck stalks. She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling. DS was horrified, snatched the bag off her, picked up the fish and then refused to give it back to her. He then returned to the stall and made them take it back, while telling them how awful it was that they were abusing the fish by giving them out as prizes. The girl started getting hysterical, screaming that my ds had stolen her fish. dS have her the £2 it cost for her to win the fish, but she continued screaming and crying. DS friend called his mum because security came over and refused to let the boys go while the girl was so upset. I actually think that there was no issue with this, security needed to ascertain that the girl wasn’t hurt after all. When ds friends mum came and the story unfolded, she was mortified that Ds had caused such a commotion, brought the boys straight home and was very upset that their day was cut short due to my sons appalling behaviour.

She’s bonkers right? She called me today outraged that she’d see DS outside when I should have grounded him. I’m actually quite proud of him for his actions.

She’s uninvited DS in a shopping trip next week with her son as a result. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/08/2019 18:29

No, you’re not. She is bonkers, your DS did the right thing.

Jemima232 · 14/08/2019 18:30

As long as this is the correct story I think I'd be proud of your DS too.

Oswin · 14/08/2019 18:32

She is an idiot. I would do nothing but tell him how proud I was.

lavenderbluedilly · 14/08/2019 18:33

YANBU. I’d be proud of your DS too, and hope that my son would do similar, if he was in this situation. I’d be ensuring that your DS knows you have his back.

Duchessgummybuns · 14/08/2019 18:33

I can only imagine the story she’s heard isn’t the same one you have

Original poster
IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:34

Jemima - for what I can gather, DS and his friends version of what happened has been backed up by some the girls friends and the girl herself didn’t dispute anything my son told the security guy or his friends mum. I just don’t understand why she’s so upset - surely it’s the girl who should be embarrassed!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/08/2019 18:34

If that’s all true he deserves a reward rather than a punishment

slipperywhensparticus · 14/08/2019 18:35

She is no friend

herculepoirot2 · 14/08/2019 18:35

Was the fish dead when he gave it back? Confused

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2019 18:35

Good parenting of your son op, I'd take a gold star for raising a good lad

PooWillyBumBum · 14/08/2019 18:35

I would be proud of him, if his version of events is correct, and not want him hanging around with that idiotic girl.

escapade1234 · 14/08/2019 18:36

I bet there is way more to this...

HeffaLump1 · 14/08/2019 18:37

What has she specifically said that DS did wrong?

user1474894224 · 14/08/2019 18:37

If what your son says is true - then fine. What did the other mum think happened?

Does your son usually get in trouble? Does he tell the truth? (I'm a little guilty of believing everything my son tells me immediately....I've recently learnt he deliberately omits to tell me things which I won't approve of.)

TroysMammy · 14/08/2019 18:37

Another one who is proud of your DS too.

I remember going to a village summer fete as a teenager where they had a stall which had numbered boxes with holes in a circle and a hamster was put in the middle and if it went into your numbered box you won a prize. I had a right go at the stallholder, who happened to be one of my Junior school teachers who promptly realised the cruelty and closed the stall down.

Goldfish have no place being sold as prizes, the girl was awful and your DS's friend's mother is bonkers.

Malvinaa81 · 14/08/2019 18:38

YANBU, it would seem, but who knows what the other side of the story is- and please be 100% sure there will be one, and it will be different!

PhantomErik · 14/08/2019 18:38

I'd be proud of him too & shame on the girl & the stall for giving goldfish as a prize Angry.

Sounds like a very decent young man & I'd be telling the other parents that.

HeffaLump1 · 14/08/2019 18:38

Also, I didn't think fairs still gave fish as prizes! Thought that had been stopped ages ago

TheTrollFairy · 14/08/2019 18:38

Is this in the UK? I didn’t think you were allowed to give fish out anymore?
Either way, the woman is bonkers. I wouldn’t be telling my child off for what your son did... the girl on the other hand

swingofthings · 14/08/2019 18:38

It wasn't for you son to steal her fish. He should have kept it and told the girl he would give it to the parents and for them to decide what to do.

He overstepped his responsibilities. I wouldn't have punished my son but explained why the way he dealt with the situation wasn't right.

Original poster
IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:40

I am very proud of him, he has his moments but in the main he’s a good kid. Thank you all for your kind words. I was sure I wasn’t unreasonable but wondered if I was missing something!

DS said the fish was still alive when he gave it back.

Luckily DS isn’t fond of said girl and this ‘hysterical’ type of behaviour and has no intention of going anywhere if she’s involved!

OP posts:
barcodescanner · 14/08/2019 18:41

I too would be proud of your son. Need more people like him.
It is disgusting that fish are still given as prizes. My kids have never been allowed near that stall.

Lindy2 · 14/08/2019 18:42

Your son did the right thing.

If what he has said is true then there is nothing to punish him for. What does your friend think he actually did wrong?

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 14/08/2019 18:43

I had some vague idea they couldn't sell fish at fairgrounds any more Sad missed the point

Might be worth taking to the friend's mum to see if she has got a different understanding of what happened. All I see in your story is your DS being the only one mature enough to stop an animal from being needlessly tortured. I too would reward not punish him.

Original poster
IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:43

And to be honest the only part I initially questioned was the fact that the goldfish was given as a prize as I though that it wasn’t allowed anymore either!

And to answer a previous poster’s question - the friends mum was angry that my son had caused a commotion which had resulted in her being called to the security tent and embarrassing her and making them all have to leave early.

OP posts: