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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - not to punish DS for this?

159 replies

IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:27

My sons friends parents seem to think I am being unreasonable because I won’t punish (or in fact tell him off) my ds14 for something that happened yesterday at a local event.

DS went to event with some friends and two of the friends parents. The kids went off alone while there but were called by ds friend to come and sort out an issue that had arisen.

Ds and his group of male friends had met up with others - including a young lady who (according to all the boys) spent the afternoon being a bit silly - pretending to faint on a fairground ride and then going on again, generally over reacting and screaming at every little thing. Just a bit OTT in general, but she’s know for being like this at school too.

Said girl won a goldfish at one of those hoop a duck stalks. She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling. DS was horrified, snatched the bag off her, picked up the fish and then refused to give it back to her. He then returned to the stall and made them take it back, while telling them how awful it was that they were abusing the fish by giving them out as prizes. The girl started getting hysterical, screaming that my ds had stolen her fish. dS have her the £2 it cost for her to win the fish, but she continued screaming and crying. DS friend called his mum because security came over and refused to let the boys go while the girl was so upset. I actually think that there was no issue with this, security needed to ascertain that the girl wasn’t hurt after all. When ds friends mum came and the story unfolded, she was mortified that Ds had caused such a commotion, brought the boys straight home and was very upset that their day was cut short due to my sons appalling behaviour.

She’s bonkers right? She called me today outraged that she’d see DS outside when I should have grounded him. I’m actually quite proud of him for his actions.

She’s uninvited DS in a shopping trip next week with her son as a result. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
shushymcshush · 14/08/2019 19:09

He did right.

Friends mum should be angry with the drama llama that caused it all.

RubbingHimSourly · 14/08/2019 19:12

Oh God I remember girls like this in school (( and boys in all honesty)) what an utter moron. I'd be giving the woman a few facts as well and. Keeping my son away from people like that.

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2019 19:14

Your son acted like the only adult in the group. He deserves praise, not a sanction. He is right to want to stay away from that horrible girl.

ZoomingCockerel · 14/08/2019 19:17

Swing is clearly an utter lunatic

impossible · 14/08/2019 19:18

I can see why friend's parent was upset by the commotion (it would have been stressful and difficult to make sense of) but these things happen. If your ds was my boy I would be proud of him.

I would talk the situation through with him - partly so he knows he can trust you to listen but also so he understands to think twice in unexpected situations. Events can spin out of control very quickly when teens are involved so he needs to make sure his behaviour is measured.

Nonetheless you should be proud of your boy.

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 14/08/2019 19:18

I agree with PPs - @swingofthings must definitely be the other mother in question! No one else would have such batshit ideas.

linentowel · 14/08/2019 19:19

Swing love, you are a fud. What a ridiculous comment to make.

Sicktobloodydeath · 14/08/2019 19:21

Give the kid a medal!!! I don’t even know him and I’m proud of him!

TitianaTitsling · 14/08/2019 19:23

I may be completely wrong but is removing a fish from water akin to holding an mammal under water?

Flamingo84 · 14/08/2019 19:24

she let it out

Sorry but this made me laugh with incredulity. Like it was a cat and perfectly able to wander the fair unaided. It’s a fish FFS! Letting it out is essentially killing the poor bugger.

Sounds like OP’s mum friend was more worried about being seen going to the security tent than what actually happened.

Skittlenommer · 14/08/2019 19:24

She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling

Fucking little psycho!

Your son is a credit to you! Smile

skysallblue · 14/08/2019 19:24

I'd be very proud if my ds or any of his friends did the same as your ds. What a good lad Halo

Skittlenommer · 14/08/2019 19:25

@TitianaTitsling I may be completely wrong but is removing a fish from water akin to holding an mammal under water?

Very much so! It’s the same as suffocating. Sad

Soubriquet · 14/08/2019 19:27

All those saying about fish and fairs....every fair I’ve gone to in the last 6 years have always had fish

I don’t like it, but they do

And I would proud of my ds if he reacted this way to a shitty girls behaviour

Skittlenommer · 14/08/2019 19:28

@swingofthings you’d probably change your tune if it was a dog he was defending. You know... animals people actually care about and want to protect! Hmm

If it’s living and it’s breathing to treat a being with anything less than complete kindness and respect is appalling!

Branster · 14/08/2019 19:28

If the events unfold as you say, you should praise your DS. I didn’t think they are still giving it goldfish like this. Around where we are it has stopped for years, I thought it was some regulation about it.
Well done DS!
At end friend’s mother misunderstood the story.
Or maybe things happened slightly different than you are aware.

swingofthings · 14/08/2019 19:31

I'm definitely not the other mother. I just hate kids who like to gather attention by acting like saviours and making a big fuss so that they can then be told how wonderful they are.

He picked up the fish and bag. Thst was the right action. The next step should have been to find the parents and tell the girls he would hand it to them and she could go and talk to them.

The whole going back to the stall, making a point of giving it back and then give her £2 was totally over zealous but then mn loves warrior heros who save the planet and teach lessons.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 14/08/2019 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 14/08/2019 19:33
Hmm

Not really...

Hand in bag, grab fish, toss it on the floor.

Done

Scoop it back up and chuck it back in the water

Summerunderway · 14/08/2019 19:34

Sadly our local carnival gave a fish to the loser this week. You had to be over 16 or with an adult the online Council regulations state. Writing to councils querying why they give out licences is the way to go according to fish supporting charities (can't think of a name offhand but Googled such last week!) They have the power to say no but don't!
Sounds like the awful girl was fishing for drama from the start..
Your ds was a star imo!

GPatz · 14/08/2019 19:34

'The next step should have been to find the parents and tell the girls he would hand it to them and she could go and talk to them'.

He's 14. He took it back to where it came from and when she wouldn't shut up he gave her £2 back.

Find her parents. Jesus.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 14/08/2019 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 19:36

Since when is rescuing an animal in distress over zealous hero behaviour?

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 14/08/2019 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witchinaditch · 14/08/2019 19:37

Sounds like you have a lovely mature son, did you ask the mother why she was so appalled? I’d try and see if there was more to the story but if not just leave it and maybe don’t accept any more offers of days out with her, she’s probably just peeved as her afternoon away from her kids was cut short!