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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - not to punish DS for this?

159 replies

IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:27

My sons friends parents seem to think I am being unreasonable because I won’t punish (or in fact tell him off) my ds14 for something that happened yesterday at a local event.

DS went to event with some friends and two of the friends parents. The kids went off alone while there but were called by ds friend to come and sort out an issue that had arisen.

Ds and his group of male friends had met up with others - including a young lady who (according to all the boys) spent the afternoon being a bit silly - pretending to faint on a fairground ride and then going on again, generally over reacting and screaming at every little thing. Just a bit OTT in general, but she’s know for being like this at school too.

Said girl won a goldfish at one of those hoop a duck stalks. She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling. DS was horrified, snatched the bag off her, picked up the fish and then refused to give it back to her. He then returned to the stall and made them take it back, while telling them how awful it was that they were abusing the fish by giving them out as prizes. The girl started getting hysterical, screaming that my ds had stolen her fish. dS have her the £2 it cost for her to win the fish, but she continued screaming and crying. DS friend called his mum because security came over and refused to let the boys go while the girl was so upset. I actually think that there was no issue with this, security needed to ascertain that the girl wasn’t hurt after all. When ds friends mum came and the story unfolded, she was mortified that Ds had caused such a commotion, brought the boys straight home and was very upset that their day was cut short due to my sons appalling behaviour.

She’s bonkers right? She called me today outraged that she’d see DS outside when I should have grounded him. I’m actually quite proud of him for his actions.

She’s uninvited DS in a shopping trip next week with her son as a result. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 14/08/2019 19:39

Not in the ones near me

It’s just a small bag that is open at the top and has a handle

RubbingHimSourly · 14/08/2019 19:39

Smellbow they aren't always. Dp and dd came home with one once and it was in a bag like a carrier bag but freezer bag sized iyswim?? So the top was just open.

I wasn't happy at all as its an awful practise and I feel if people refused to take them it would have ended years ago. Ended quite well for the fish tho........ Mr orange head lived a long, happy life in my neighbours pond.

Notwiththeseknees · 14/08/2019 19:40

I think your son sounds lovely OP and he did exactly the right thing. I would be proud of him if he were my son.

Thanks to swing for his/her alternative view - an 'interesting' standpoint Hmm

arethereanyleftatall · 14/08/2019 19:43

Yanbu at all op. Well done your ds.

I am thoroughly fed up of people, even adults, always taking the side of the person who is crying. It starts right from juniors, where children learn that by turning on the waterworks/hysterics they can get what they want. I absolutely hate it, even in young children.

HalfBearOtherHalfCat · 14/08/2019 19:43

Punish him?! If she has heard the same version of events you have then she's a dick. If I was certain the story was true I'd be taking him out shopping myself and buying him something nice as a reward.

MsJudgemental · 14/08/2019 19:47

Swing Are you on glue?

Celebelly · 14/08/2019 19:47

What a disgusting little madam. Definitely don't punish him!

swingofthings · 14/08/2019 19:47

Since when is rescuing an animal in distress over zealous hero behaviour?
The over zealous part was him telling the stall owner to take it back giving him a lesson about giving fish as prize.

And yes, finding the parents was the right thing to do if indeed, all he cared was the welfare of the fish rather than making a scene.

I'm certainly not the mum but at least there's two of us agreeing :)

Soubriquet · 14/08/2019 19:48

The parents weren’t there...

Security called them

swingofthings · 14/08/2019 19:50

No DS friend called his mum. He could have just waited for them to come.

PasDeGeeGees · 14/08/2019 19:55

I'd give your ds a pat on the back and a tenner. Well done him, both for rescuing the poor fish, and also for telling the stallholder they shouldn't be doing this.

Coyoacan · 14/08/2019 19:56

I love your son, OP. And, swingofthings, you do not need to stamp on a goldfish to kill it, you just need to take it out of water.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 19:57

I'm certainly not the mum but at least there's two of us agreeing :)

And a shedload more that aren't.

I8toys · 14/08/2019 19:57

Well done your son. Acted in a very mature way.

Rainbowknickers · 14/08/2019 20:01

I used to have a mate just like her
No matter what her son did it was never his fault-he simply hadn’t done it and she believed him every single time
In the end I had to reduce contact with them both
He’s grown up now and still the spoilt brat he has always been
Your son is in the right-he needs to stay away from her

threemonthstogo · 14/08/2019 20:02

Posters seems to forget that ultimately he stole from her.

She had thrown her goldfish on the floor and was leaving it there to die. How is rescuing it "stealing it"??

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/08/2019 20:06

He did the right thing.

Pollypenguin01 · 14/08/2019 20:07

I honestly think there is either something not quite right mentally with swingofthings or they are a troll.

Nobody that is compos mentis thinks that what OP’s son did was in anyway wrong.

Parttimewasteoftime · 14/08/2019 20:14

They do still give fish as prizes bloody crazy but thought at least have a age limit ie over 18! Your Son is completely right why would you punish him!
I would want my DS to be friends with your boy. How honest of him and tried to give her money back!

Italiangreyhound · 14/08/2019 20:14

Your ds is a star and did the right thing. the young woman and the mum are nuts.

AgathaF · 14/08/2019 20:14

Be proud of your son, he did the right thing.

mathanxiety · 14/08/2019 20:19

Your DS did the right thing. I hope he knows that from you.

The friends' parents are probably very 'commotion averse'. This is a character flaw on their part. Maybe they grew up in a neighbourhood of curtain twitchers.

Not your problem. No apology necessary.

@swingofthings
Complete the following sentence:
Fish need
(1) air
or
(2) water
in order to breathe?
If someone held your head under water would it be the same as stomping you to death or different in some way?

Why not tell the stall holder that what he was doing was irresponsible?
Are we deferential to carnies now?
Is deference a higher value than speaking up for what is right?
The stall holder hadn't bothered to check if the people he was giving away live fish to knew anything about how to handle them, their basic needs, whether the recipients had any equipment or food necessary to keep the fish once they got home, or indeed any way of bringing a fish home.
What if he was giving away kittens? Bunnies? Caged birds?
Could a mere teen have challenged him over that?

When you are concerned about the welfare of a fish that has been removed from the medium it needs in order to survive the thing you do is take control of it and bring it back to the place it came from if the 'owner' clearly has no interest in keeping it safe and in fact was the one who caused the crisis in the first place. You don't wait for someone's parents to get off the Ferris wheel.

Security was called by persons unknown in response to the girl screaming. Friend of the DS called his parents when security wouldn't let the party go because the girl was still screaming. The teens were all handling the incident perfectly well up to then (apart from the screecher). The fact that one called his parents when he did reflects well on that teen too.

StroppyWoman · 14/08/2019 20:19

Your son behaved wonderfully, I hope you are extremely proud of him.

Standing up to a peer who is abusing an animal (even if it's "only a fish") is hard and I think he's been brave and decent. Good for him.

CheesecakeAddict · 14/08/2019 20:25

Well done to your DS 👏👏. What a terrific young man you have raised. I would take him out shopping and get him a treat as a reward (providing you have the time and can afford it).

tolerable · 14/08/2019 20:26

and the girls parents? said what? if her behaviur is "learned"i would dress it as nicely as can be,in a letterwithpreviously offered £2
i thought goldfish were exempt from this shituationnow and you have "register"to buy one at pets at home?
ds friends mum-isnt necessarily batshit. if had accompanied the kids,could haveintervened\prevented escalatin g-but was-ultimately the adult in charge.dont let that happen again. she failed and has no viable opinionon grounding your son for acting responsibly..or inlinewith anti-cruelty.presumeably the fish was fewming too.grrrrr
happy holidays x