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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - not to punish DS for this?

159 replies

IndigoHexagon · 14/08/2019 18:27

My sons friends parents seem to think I am being unreasonable because I won’t punish (or in fact tell him off) my ds14 for something that happened yesterday at a local event.

DS went to event with some friends and two of the friends parents. The kids went off alone while there but were called by ds friend to come and sort out an issue that had arisen.

Ds and his group of male friends had met up with others - including a young lady who (according to all the boys) spent the afternoon being a bit silly - pretending to faint on a fairground ride and then going on again, generally over reacting and screaming at every little thing. Just a bit OTT in general, but she’s know for being like this at school too.

Said girl won a goldfish at one of those hoop a duck stalks. She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling. DS was horrified, snatched the bag off her, picked up the fish and then refused to give it back to her. He then returned to the stall and made them take it back, while telling them how awful it was that they were abusing the fish by giving them out as prizes. The girl started getting hysterical, screaming that my ds had stolen her fish. dS have her the £2 it cost for her to win the fish, but she continued screaming and crying. DS friend called his mum because security came over and refused to let the boys go while the girl was so upset. I actually think that there was no issue with this, security needed to ascertain that the girl wasn’t hurt after all. When ds friends mum came and the story unfolded, she was mortified that Ds had caused such a commotion, brought the boys straight home and was very upset that their day was cut short due to my sons appalling behaviour.

She’s bonkers right? She called me today outraged that she’d see DS outside when I should have grounded him. I’m actually quite proud of him for his actions.

She’s uninvited DS in a shopping trip next week with her son as a result. Am I missing something here?

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 14/08/2019 20:27

Did this thread bring CatthiefKeith into anyone elses mind?

Justaboy · 14/08/2019 20:30

Sounds like a decent lad there, well done gor bringing him up to act like that:)

As to the young girl just needs to grow up a bit, or lot rather, and learn a bit of compassion for defencless animals!

LillithsFamiliar · 14/08/2019 20:32

Hmm, it's not really about rescuing a fish. It's about how your DS intervened. He could have rescued the fish without it causing a big scene, without security being called and without spoiling everyone else's day.
Growing up is about knowing when and how to intervene. I'd imagine from the other mum's pov, your DS was as responsible for the scene as the girl who over-reacted. But the girl wasn't the mum's guest. Your DS was.

HappyNOTdriving · 14/08/2019 20:36

Swing would you be saying exactly the same if she had won a cat which she then proceeded to plunge underwater for a few seconds then the boy had taken it off her and given her the money she had paid for winning it because that basically what she did and how he responded except it was a fish and not a cat.

Or is it ok because it was just a fish so that doesn't matter?

mathanxiety · 14/08/2019 20:39

The DS didn't cause the scene, Lilith.

The screaming of the girl caused the scene.

The girl had been carrying on all day. She just upped the volume when she let the fish loose.

gamesanddaisychains · 14/08/2019 20:41

Your son did the right thing, he is a credit to you and I'm proud of him too, it is great to hear of a young person with such integrity. It is ridiculous of the other mum not to back him up, I actually question HER integrity. The hysterical girl needs a good talking to.

Gogreen · 14/08/2019 20:42

Do we not teach our children to think for themselves in situations instead of just going with the grain of what others are doing?

Seems like your son is capable of thinking for himself and is confident enough to say no if he believes something is wrong....that’s not a punishable offence, infact he should be reminded that he rose to the occasion well and I would be ridiculously proud if that was my son and would be telling him so too.

Well done to him!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2019 20:48

@swingofthings
Had he given the fish back to the girl as you suggest it would be dead. He had to act quickly to get it back in water.

The mother is bonkers. Clearly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2019 20:49

Lilith
From what I read the girl caused the scene from a-z.

pikapikachu · 14/08/2019 20:49

He's a superstar. I would be proud of my son.

laweaselNW · 14/08/2019 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thecatinthetwat · 14/08/2019 20:52

Jeez, of course he should have intervened. Well done your ds.

pikapikachu · 14/08/2019 20:55

If he didn't interfere the fish would have died.

Purpletigers · 14/08/2019 20:57

Your son is fab ! The girl doesn’t sound stable .

Thequaffle · 14/08/2019 20:58

Your DS did the right thing - you’ve raised a good lad there.
Woman is raving.

Aprillygirl · 14/08/2019 20:58

The only cunt I see is the one calling a child a cunt for rescuing a helpless creature

Herbalteahippie · 14/08/2019 20:59

YANBU your son sounds like a wonderful young man. The girl sounds like an overgrown spoiled brat and fair play to your son for not tolerating her BS x

HaileySherman · 14/08/2019 20:59

Be proud of your son. The woman is bonkers. Under the best of circumstances I would not take well to being told how to handle my children, but this....this would likely cause a serious rift in any relationship I could possibly ever have with this woman.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2019 21:00

And some seem to forget that she tried to kill the goldfish

She let it out and it was caught again. That's not trying to kill a fish unless she started stamping on it. We don't even really know how the bag got to be opened.

Yes we do. Assuming we can all read.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2019 21:02

As for "not trying to kill a fish", what planet are you on? Of course he tried to kill it. The OP's DS saved it. Had he not stepped in, the fish would be dead.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 14/08/2019 21:12

You should be incredibly proud of your son. The other mother sounds more caught up in her own image than doing the right thing.

I really think your son deserves a reward. I wouldn't have expected a 14 year old to show such maturity and courage in facing that confrontation head on. I think most would freak out at a girl getting hysterical.

Veterinari · 14/08/2019 21:16

I’d be telling the girl’s parents that she committed a criminal offence under the animal welfare act and that she’s lucky you haven’t reported her.

You son behaved brilliantly

Veterinari · 14/08/2019 21:19

@LillithsFamiliar

Exchange fish for puppy. Exchange air for water. If the girl had thrown a puppy into water would you still be suggesting that he shouldn’t have ‘caused a scene’ or ‘spoiled the day’

Legally and scientifically the experience of the fish would be the same as the experience of a puppy or any other vertebrate animal.

Notthetoothfairy · 14/08/2019 21:21

Your son stopped animal cruelty, didn’t bow to peer pressure and even gave the girl her £2 back. I would be proud that I had raised that boy and would be rewarding him, so YANBU.

Derbee · 14/08/2019 21:43

Congratulations on raising such a lovely sounding son. The world can’t have enough people with compassion. You should be very proud of him 😀