Aibu - not to punish DS for this?

[IndigoHexagon]

My sons friends parents seem to think I am being unreasonable because I won’t punish (or in fact tell him off) my ds14 for something that happened yesterday at a local event.

DS went to event with some friends and two of the friends parents. The kids went off alone while there but were called by ds friend to come and sort out an issue that had arisen.

Ds and his group of male friends had met up with others - including a young lady who (according to all the boys) spent the afternoon being a bit silly - pretending to faint on a fairground ride and then going on again, generally over reacting and screaming at every little thing. Just a bit OTT in general, but she’s know for being like this at school too.

Said girl won a goldfish at one of those hoop a duck stalks. She was swinging the bag around and at one point opened the bag a plucked the fish out and then threw it on the floor when it was wriggling. DS was horrified, snatched the bag off her, picked up the fish and then refused to give it back to her. He then returned to the stall and made them take it back, while telling them how awful it was that they were abusing the fish by giving them out as prizes. The girl started getting hysterical, screaming that my ds had stolen her fish. dS have her the £2 it cost for her to win the fish, but she continued screaming and crying. DS friend called his mum because security came over and refused to let the boys go while the girl was so upset. I actually think that there was no issue with this, security needed to ascertain that the girl wasn’t hurt after all. When ds friends mum came and the story unfolded, she was mortified that Ds had caused such a commotion, brought the boys straight home and was very upset that their day was cut short due to my sons appalling behaviour.

She’s bonkers right? She called me today outraged that she’d see DS outside when I should have grounded him. I’m actually quite proud of him for his actions.

She’s uninvited DS in a shopping trip next week with her son as a result. Am I missing something here?

I’m sure they can’t give away gold fish anymore.

Your DS's friend's mum can fuck off! How dare she.

I didn't think fayres still give fish?

What exactly does the other parent think your son should be punished for. Which bit of his behaviour was so wrong?

What's happening about the girl's behaviour?

I think you need to have a discussion with her to help her realise that's she misdirecting her anger at being embarrassed - it's the childish girl's fault it happened, not your son's.

Someone should report this stall. It is illegal to give goldfish away to anyone under 16.

Do 14yos get "invited" on shopping trips by their friend's mums?

And to answer a previous poster’s question - the friends mum was angry that my son had caused a commotion which had resulted in her being called to the security tent and embarrassing her and making them all have to leave early
And I would have been too. It sounds like it enjoyed acting like a hero. He should have let her deal with it. He went way too far giving her £2 for it. That wasn't for him to do. Posters seems to forget that ultimately he stole from her.

I thought they'd done away with giving goldfish away as prizes at fairgrounds? If not, they really should do as there are too many nasty idiots, like the girl described here, around . You are right to feel proud of your DS OP and I would take him out myself or get him his favourite takeaway or something to make up for him being unfairly uninvited from the day out with his friend if I were you.

This is bizarre!

Posters seems to forget that ultimately he stole from her.

And some seem to forget that she tried to kill the goldfish.

I won a goldfish at a fair about 6 years ago, and I've heard of the same fair giving them as prizes quite recently.

She tried to kill a goldfish and screeched like an infant played up like a brat but sure he is the one in the wrong

You need new friends

Bloody teenagers. They are just big toddlers. I take pretty much everything mine say with a very large pinch of salt because I know that they can all be very, very stupid. So I'd reserve judgement about the whole episode. It's nice that your DS wanted to save the fish, but I can all too well imagine the whole noisy, screechy hoo-ha (they are all likely to have been very silly about it and to have wound one another up).

That being the case, the other mum shouldn't have got involved at all. Why did she have to take them home? A brisk "oh for goodness' sake" would have sufficed. Possibly with a warning that if they couldn't behave, they would have to leave. They are not too old to be warned. But this is a ridiculous over-reaction, and she needs to take a deep breath and wonder quite how she'll cope when they do something really, really stupid (which they might, and they might not - there's no real way of knowing).

Can you report the fair to the RSPCA or whatever animal welfare charity are in your area if you aren't in the UK?

Please tell your son that all the randons on mumsnet are proud of him too, he did the right things as far as he could.

Your son did the right thing. You should be proud of him.

Your friend is angry at the wrong child. She should be angry at the girl who caused the issues in the first place. Your DS did the right thing.

And some seem to forget that she tried to kill the goldfish
She let it out and it was caught again. That's not trying to kill a fish unless she started stamping on it. We don't even really know how the bag got to be opened.

Either way it wasnt his role to punish her. Does he do this in a hool too if he sees a fellow pupil misbehave, tell them to go to detention?

Interesting POV swing.

If what he's said is the truth then no, he absolutely did nothing wrong.

Unfortunately no one dares challenge the drama llamas.

That girl will be the subject of a MIL MN thread in 40 years time

Does he do this in a hool too if he sees a fellow pupil misbehave, tell them to go to detention?

This isn’t like that. This is not “punishing”, but stopping someone torturing a helpless creature for fun.

She let it out and it was caught again. That's not trying to kill a fish unless she started stamping on it. We don't even really know how the bag got to be opened.

What, haven’t you read the OP?! It says she plucked it out of the bag and threw the fish on the ground

Wtf! Has anyone spoken with the daft girls parents? She's the one that caused all this!

YANBU your son did right (and as a veggie I totally agree they should stop giving animals as prizes!)

None of her business how you parent anyway.

I think Swing may be the other mother!

@swing He was right and she was showing off so stop being ridiculous

@swingofthings 'Posters seems to forget that ultimately he stole from her'

...

OH, sorry! My oversight! Well as this girl paid the £2 for the fish herself of course she's free to starve it of oxygen and kill it. Stamp on it, torture it, whatever she wants. God forbid anyone should intervene and STEAL it from her.

Fucks sake.

Sounds like he's probably told you one story, she's told her mum another and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

Your son's version of events is probably as dramatic as he said the girl was tbh.

It will all blow over I'm sure.