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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills...Aibu?

189 replies

Beachball32 · 14/08/2019 17:25

Hi all, I have no one that I can really talk to and needed some advice...

I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).
Hes now decided he wants to do a course and the job centre have agreed to put him on it but it doesn’t start for a few weeks and there’s no guarantee of a job at the end of it. He’s also now thinking about doing another course afterwards so he can get a better job.
I work full time and have started to do overtime. I’ve got health problems and waiting for a hysterectomy but I’ve got no choice- my partner has no money to pay bills or buy food so I’ve had to step up and make more money. What’s getting me down is he stills go to the pub every week with his friends spending money? He went out Saturday night- I was a bit upset because I have a lot of pain. He knows this but still goes out....AIBU? I’m ill today and he’s just declared he’s going out to watch the footie with his mates and have some drinks....he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend as he was happy on his own. Day to day he’s doing all the housework and cooking dinner for me but I’m worried I’m being used - what do you all think? He doesn’t get hammered but I’m getting fed up of the pub nights...he’s a gambler and smokes weed a lot too so his moods tend to be up and down....I’m considering leaving him as I have a house that I was going to rent out...It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills....

OP posts:
Drpeppered · 14/08/2019 17:26

Why are you with him?

Wildorchidz · 14/08/2019 17:28

Just go.

SucculentCandle · 14/08/2019 17:28

Can you move back out again? I can't see any good coming out of this.

maltesersgalore · 14/08/2019 17:28

Oh OP I don't think you're being used - I know you are.
If he's unemployed where is he getting the money to buy weed, go to the pub and the footie? You're his new "cash cow" for want of a better word, he doesn't ever have to work again.
Get yourself packed up and back to your house (thank goodness you kept it!) and then block him.
What an arsehole, you're worth far far more sweetheart

CrispSandwiches19 · 14/08/2019 17:28

Move back out..! You know that's the answer.. He just uses u.

Sexnotgender · 14/08/2019 17:29

He sounds like a waster. I’d cut your losses.

FadedRed · 14/08/2019 17:29

He sounds a right charmer! Sorry, but you need to your bags and go to your own house ASAP, Op, you’re on a hiding to nothing with this lazy fucker. Surprised you need to ask tbh.

EatDessertFirst · 14/08/2019 17:29

Ugh, another mooching, gambling, pot-smoking, work-shy fanny drier.

I'd be moving back out if I were you OP. He has nothing to offer you or your relationship. At least on your own you wouldn't have to work ridiculous amounts of overtime.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2019 17:29

Why are you even pausing to ask this question? He's using uou. Leave now.

LakieLady · 14/08/2019 17:30

Hmmm. I think he might see you as a meal ticket.

He may well be entitled to "new-style JSA" if he's been working. He'd get £73 a week, which would at least mean he can pay something into the kitty.

Redred2429 · 14/08/2019 17:31

He doesn't plan on working and sees living with you as a free ride leave him op

Watchingthyme · 14/08/2019 17:31

This can’t be real. I mean why would you move in with someone like this
I presume you're a bit older with the hysterectomy comment (Apols if you’re not)

winterinmadeira · 14/08/2019 17:31

Bloody hell! I’m sorry to say He’s using you and won’t change. You need to get rid.

BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 14/08/2019 17:32

You have your own house, a good job and no reason to stay. Go now and look after your health. He sounds like a complete waste of space

jarofheart · 14/08/2019 17:32

If I were you I would dump him and move out. Not because I would be supporting him financially (I think when you live together you do that sort of thing as a partnership but that's just my opinion) but I'd go because his priorities are in the wrong place. Spending money on going out so often (once or twice a month is fine) and weed when he isn't earning isn't on, plus the weed affecting his mood. That's before I even mention about you having to work more while in ill health.

Nope, not for me I'd be gone in a shot.

What does he bring to your life?

IAskTooManyQuestions · 14/08/2019 17:33

Please leave. He's a waste of oxygen

PurpleWithRed · 14/08/2019 17:33

He's lazy, entitled, unrealistic, can't hold down a job, inconsiderate, gambles money he doesn't have and smokes weed. I am sure he can be charming but really? You need a partner and he's not up to the job.

Jamiefraserskilt · 14/08/2019 17:34

Does he have any redeeming features?
This is massively disrespectful and you need to move out and move up.

Jaxhog · 14/08/2019 17:34

Leave! You've just become his bank.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 14/08/2019 17:35

Where you went wrong was moving in with him. Move back out again.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/08/2019 17:36

Dont leave. Stay there, pay all the bills and be ignored because that sounds brilliant.

MzHz · 14/08/2019 17:37

Don’t even wait long enough to draw breath! Go go go! Leave him today!!

He’s an absolute arsehole!!

Lipz · 14/08/2019 17:38

Yes he's using you. Very convenient that not long after you move in he looses his job and can now do courses and not have the worry of Bill's rent etc

If he felt any guilt or had any respect he'd be helping out with the above and not drinking gambling and doing drugs.

He's having his cake and eating it

TeaLibrary · 14/08/2019 17:38

You're worth so much more OP. He's sponging off you and sees you as a meal ticket and an excuse to be lazy and not work. I would pack up your things and leave and move back into your house.

EggysMom · 14/08/2019 17:38

Sorry OP but do you really need us to tell you that YANBU?

He's spending your money on weed and booze. Your overtime. Your hard earned cash.

You have an option to get out from the situation, you should seriously consider taking.