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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills...Aibu?

189 replies

Beachball32 · 14/08/2019 17:25

Hi all, I have no one that I can really talk to and needed some advice...

I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).
Hes now decided he wants to do a course and the job centre have agreed to put him on it but it doesn’t start for a few weeks and there’s no guarantee of a job at the end of it. He’s also now thinking about doing another course afterwards so he can get a better job.
I work full time and have started to do overtime. I’ve got health problems and waiting for a hysterectomy but I’ve got no choice- my partner has no money to pay bills or buy food so I’ve had to step up and make more money. What’s getting me down is he stills go to the pub every week with his friends spending money? He went out Saturday night- I was a bit upset because I have a lot of pain. He knows this but still goes out....AIBU? I’m ill today and he’s just declared he’s going out to watch the footie with his mates and have some drinks....he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend as he was happy on his own. Day to day he’s doing all the housework and cooking dinner for me but I’m worried I’m being used - what do you all think? He doesn’t get hammered but I’m getting fed up of the pub nights...he’s a gambler and smokes weed a lot too so his moods tend to be up and down....I’m considering leaving him as I have a house that I was going to rent out...It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills....

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/08/2019 19:25

If he's like this after just three months, what will he be like in six or 12 when its less of a novelty?
You haven't had time to find out what his gambler's finances are like yet and how far behind he is in the rent/service charges.
He was fired for threatening his work colleagues.. how long before he threatens YOU because you try to stand up to him.
You are ill and he's OK with you taking on overtime to support him?
You are so lucky to still have your own house to go to... RUN.

percheron67 · 14/08/2019 19:25

I hope you can move out quickly. He sounds the sort of person who may run up bills and expect you to pay. Good Luck.

PickAChew · 14/08/2019 19:26

Just move back out. I can't even see what you find attractive in him.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 14/08/2019 19:26

Get those bags packed now.

MerdedeBrexit · 14/08/2019 19:30

I hope you've already packed and left. If not, go now!

Loveislandaddict · 14/08/2019 19:32

To a certain degree, I agree that money should be pooled, and people in relationships should support each other. However, big decisions such as studying should be discussed together.

However, it has to work both ways. You shouldn’t have to work extra, to support his (single) lifestyle. He should be cutting back and/or getting a weekend or evening job,

Also, it’s a bit convenient that he got fired so shortly after moving in together.

Also, the gambling comment is worrying. Where does he get his money to gamble?

Sorry to say,I don’t think this relationship will work going forward. I guess you hoped for someone who would care and look after you, instead of someone taking the p..s. You already resent his actions, and that’s after a short space of time. Cut your losses, and move on with your life (without him).

toria6118 · 14/08/2019 19:34

@Beachball32, pack your bags and leave him. He clearly is suffering with some depression or whatever, but that’s not a valid reason for treating your partner like crap. Get out now. Flowers

NavyBlueHue · 14/08/2019 19:35

You’re being used. How fast you see that and do something about it is up to you. Leave now or in 20 years after a wasted life. You’re being used.

TheCatsACunt · 14/08/2019 19:41

Genuine question-

What has happened in your life to make you believe that this is acceptable?

summersherewishiwasnt · 14/08/2019 19:45

Ditch this user.

Coyoacan · 14/08/2019 19:50

I don't understand, OP, even you don't seem to like him that much.

cstaff · 14/08/2019 19:53

Sorry OP but after being on here for over a year and hearing some real horror stories you get my very first LTB. You are worth so much more than this Flowers

ilikemethewayiam · 14/08/2019 19:54

Good God OP get some self respect

This^

CaptainJaneway62 · 14/08/2019 19:58

Good grief Op you have got a way out take it....
Move back into your house today asap!
Get the removal men in to move your stuff back and don't give the lazy idiot another thought.

TanMateix · 14/08/2019 19:59

Op... I’m sorry, why would you be paying the bills when he is wasting his money in weed and drinks?

He obviously doesn’t have a money problem. It is you who has it as you have to cover for the 2 of you.

Run while you can, it may hurt today but this is not going to end nicely. The sooner you are out the lesser the damage.

PasDeGeeGees · 14/08/2019 19:59

Why do you even have to ask?

For crying out loud, just move out and leave the useless loser.

SunshineCake · 14/08/2019 20:01

He's a gambler, smokes weed and is a sponger. Is he great in bed as I can't think why you want to be with him and even great sex isn't worth losing your self respect for?

tomatostottie · 14/08/2019 20:02

I thought this might be my ex - but he's 6 years older.
Leave him now, today. You have your own house that you haven't rented out yet - pack up your stuff and get back there asap.
This pathetic excuse for a man is a cocklodging, lazy piece of shit who will never get any better.
When my ex moved in with me and was therefore able to share bills (and live rent free because I owned the place outright) he quit his job and spent the whole time on his computer (computer addict). Then he had a job for a few hours a week, got sacked from that and claimed unemployment benefit (we are in a different country, so different rules) and then just lazed around - occasionally going to courses and mysteriously failing to get any of the many jobs the unemployment office came up with - even though the employers were desperate for workers. He did pay his half of bills and foods out of his savings but then started complaining when his savings ran out.
The unemployment office pulled the plug on the benefit, then this meant he had no health insurance either and I finally woke up and kicked him out.
He hated working and had no intention of doing so over an extended period of time.
Your fuckwit of a 'D'P will do the same. The courses will drag on for ever and never lead to anything. He'll laze around the house and at some point he'll stop doing any household chores and cooking either and you'll be working your butt off to keep him in the style to which he has become accustomed.

I hope the fact you haven't been back to the thread yet means you are busy packing your things in your car.

Tracklements · 14/08/2019 20:02

If he's got money for booze, gambling and weed, he's got the money to pay the bills... if he wanted to of course.

But why would he, when he's got you to pay his bills for him?

FireBloodAndIce · 14/08/2019 20:04

Why would you stay? Pack your things and go to your house if it's empty. He's using you.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2019 20:04

Well he hasn't changed.

What the hell were you thinking?

Move. Now.

SignedUpJust4This · 14/08/2019 20:06

He saw you coming.

IKVH · 14/08/2019 20:07

Hes' had a few jobs (in one year) and got fired for threatening his colleagues.

We have very good employment rights in this country and it takes quite a lot to be fired... I wonder how much more is behind that.

brassbrass · 14/08/2019 20:09

Jesus why are you even asking.

AngelasAshes · 14/08/2019 20:11

I wouldn’t mind supporting my DH through job loss. But my DH doesn’t change jobs several times a year or threaten his colleagues. Nor would he be partying at the pub. He’d be looking for work.

So, yeah your partner is taking advantage of you & treatng you like a sugar mama. I’d move out and end it with him.