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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills...Aibu?

189 replies

Beachball32 · 14/08/2019 17:25

Hi all, I have no one that I can really talk to and needed some advice...

I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).
Hes now decided he wants to do a course and the job centre have agreed to put him on it but it doesn’t start for a few weeks and there’s no guarantee of a job at the end of it. He’s also now thinking about doing another course afterwards so he can get a better job.
I work full time and have started to do overtime. I’ve got health problems and waiting for a hysterectomy but I’ve got no choice- my partner has no money to pay bills or buy food so I’ve had to step up and make more money. What’s getting me down is he stills go to the pub every week with his friends spending money? He went out Saturday night- I was a bit upset because I have a lot of pain. He knows this but still goes out....AIBU? I’m ill today and he’s just declared he’s going out to watch the footie with his mates and have some drinks....he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend as he was happy on his own. Day to day he’s doing all the housework and cooking dinner for me but I’m worried I’m being used - what do you all think? He doesn’t get hammered but I’m getting fed up of the pub nights...he’s a gambler and smokes weed a lot too so his moods tend to be up and down....I’m considering leaving him as I have a house that I was going to rent out...It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills....

OP posts:

TeamUnicorn · 14/08/2019 17:55

Move out and concentrate on yourself.

He got fired for threatening colleagues (well that is the version he has told you) that alone is not something you want in a partner.

Please leave now, whilst you still have somewhere to go.

Good luck.

Grumpelstilskin · 14/08/2019 17:55

You don't have to be a martyr. Just leave! Worst case scenario, you can find a flatshare in a heartbeat and would be much better off.

hen10 · 14/08/2019 17:56

Even if he's the most amazing friend, lover and cook, at the very least tell him that living together is not working out for you and you'd prefer to go back to dating. Then go back to your own house and invite him over when you fancy. Pay for his dinner out when you choose and don't ever lend him a penny, give him a key or have a child with him.

StrongTea · 14/08/2019 17:58

The good thing is it is his flat not yours. No point in wasting money on him when this could be used as a deposit on a flat for yourself. This situation can only get worse and only benefit him. You deserve much more.

Malvinaa81 · 14/08/2019 17:58

What made you move in?

Anyway, get out now, and wake up!

Tableclothing · 14/08/2019 17:58

You can't be serious. Pack your stuff.

Drabarni · 14/08/2019 17:59

He obviously asked you to move in so he could lose his job and live off you.
You don't need anyone to tell you what you need to do.

Leeds2 · 14/08/2019 18:00

Even if his version of losing his latest job is true, he should surely be looking for employment for the period between now and when he starts his first course. The fact that you don't say he is looking is very telling.

Move back into your own house, and leave him to get on with life in his own home. And pay for it himself. You could continue to have him as your boyfriend (although from what you say I am not sure why you would want to) if that suits, but see him when it suits you.

daisypond · 14/08/2019 18:00

You know the answer.

Inertia · 14/08/2019 18:03

Of course he's using you.

Move back to your own house while you still can.

QuarterMileAtATime · 14/08/2019 18:03

Run

Ellisandra · 14/08/2019 18:03

Sorry, I missed the bit that explained why you were dating him in the first place? Let alone moved in with him?

No long term girlfriend because he didn’t want one? No love - because all the others made the decision that you’re on here looking for permission / support to make.

zeezee3 · 14/08/2019 18:03

@Beachball32

I can't believe you even have to ask.

Why the HELL are you with this cocklodging waster?

missbattenburg · 14/08/2019 18:04

OP I am sorry you are in this situation - genuinely - but how much worse would your post have to be for you to see you are living with a waste of space?

From your own post he is

to blame for his own unemployment
wasting money on drink, drugs and gambling
leaving you alone when you are suffering and in pain
expecting you to pay for him

Does that really sound like someone who is worth your time and love?

TeamUnicorn · 14/08/2019 18:04

I am also aware that you are currently ill and in pain. Living with pain becomes all encompassing. At the moment he cooks and cleans, the money you save by not being his bank you can use for a cleaner as such like.

PlutocratCow · 14/08/2019 18:04

You know you should leave. Why are you even asking?!!

Horehound · 14/08/2019 18:05

Come on now, you can't be this silly to opt to choose to stay and put up with this, can you?

BlueSkiesLies · 14/08/2019 18:05

Soooo what prompted you to pick this absolute looser to be your mate???

PuzzledObserver · 14/08/2019 18:05

He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work.

It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills

Yes, he does - because he hates working. Here's another vote for moving back into your own house and letting him sort out his own bills.

Whether you want to continue to have him as partner/boyfriend/FWB is another matter. But keep your money for yourself, because there is every chance that if you let him have access to it, he will drink/gamble/smoke it as fast as you can earn it.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 14/08/2019 18:06

An entitled, workshy pothead gambler... where did you find this prince among men?!

You deserve so much better than this.

fishonabicycle · 14/08/2019 18:07

Just go before you end up stuck with him.

PonderingPanda · 14/08/2019 18:07

Good God OP get some self respect!

BarbariansMum · 14/08/2019 18:08

Seriously? OP read what you've just written? Why are you even asking? What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?

Surely you must know you are worth more than this?

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/08/2019 18:09

"I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. "

This is as far as I got in reading your OP before I thought "Move Out!". I then read to the end, and all that changed was I then though "Move Out Now!".

And once you're back in your own home, I think you should have a ponder on why you didn't pack and leave sooner. And, indeed, why you could be persuaded to move in in the first place. I mean - gambling, weed, workshy, unsupportive - did he successfully hide all this or do you just not value yourself? That's what I mean by 'have a ponder' - leaving him now will solve this problem, but maybe work on your self-esteem to avoid future problems?

Bananalanacake · 14/08/2019 18:09

was it his idea for you to move in by any chance.

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