Moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills...Aibu?

[Beachball32]

Hi all, I have no one that I can really talk to and needed some advice...

I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).
Hes now decided he wants to do a course and the job centre have agreed to put him on it but it doesn’t start for a few weeks and there’s no guarantee of a job at the end of it. He’s also now thinking about doing another course afterwards so he can get a better job.
I work full time and have started to do overtime. I’ve got health problems and waiting for a hysterectomy but I’ve got no choice- my partner has no money to pay bills or buy food so I’ve had to step up and make more money. What’s getting me down is he stills go to the pub every week with his friends spending money? He went out Saturday night- I was a bit upset because I have a lot of pain. He knows this but still goes out....AIBU? I’m ill today and he’s just declared he’s going out to watch the footie with his mates and have some drinks....he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend as he was happy on his own. Day to day he’s doing all the housework and cooking dinner for me but I’m worried I’m being used - what do you all think? He doesn’t get hammered but I’m getting fed up of the pub nights...he’s a gambler and smokes weed a lot too so his moods tend to be up and down....I’m considering leaving him as I have a house that I was going to rent out...It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills....

Get rid. This man has nothing to offer you. And the timing suggests he saw you coming. Sorry.

Cocklodger - he is the dictionary definition of one.

Op in the time you started this thread you could have been packing your bags.
Let’s hope that’s what you are doing.
This is supposed to be the honeymoon period, where everything is rosy Get out now

RUN! (very fast!)

Wow, he saw you coming didn't he.

If you hadn't moved in he'd probably still be working and he couldn't afford to consider courses (which he probably won't attend). He's using your income to be a lazy arse.

Just go, much better to have your own place than be taken advantage of like this.

Move back to your own house & do not let him move in with you. He'll suck you dry, financially & emotionally, then move on to the next meal ticket just like he's probably been doing all his adult life.
You deserve much better

Jesus. It's the first time I've ever said this on MN but you need to leave. No-one deserves a life being treated like that

Why did you move in with him?

You need to move out.

I am saying you move because I am assuming the home is in his name.

If it's not. Cover the bills and tell him to move.

Move out

This occurred to me - If it were the other way around and it was a woman who was not working, but doing the housework, etc, would we be viewing this differently? (except the weed and gambling bit). Definitely if you had children we would, but possibly we'd even be kinder if there were no children too.

That said, the gambling and weed-smoking would be a big No, No, for me. It is reckless behaviour that could have serious consequences (debt being one of them) and he's using your money to do it. He's keeping you sweet by cooking and doing housework, but he is taking no responsibility for himself (like a teenager) and letting you take all of the responsibility, and taking advantage of you.

He sounds like someone who struggles to deal with real life / being an adult. It won't ever change. He will always be like this. Is this really what you want for ever? If you are tempted to stay with him, then maybe take a look at yourself and work out why you have such low self-esteem that you don't think you deserve better.

Go! Go now! The warning signs are real!

Yes, he's using you. Would he refuse to work and spend his time doing courses and going to the pub if you weren't there paying all the bills? Of course not! He's taking advantage of the situation. You have 2 choices either make it very clear you wont be paying a penny more than your share of the bills or you pack your bags and leave.

"...he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend"

For the life of me, I cannot think why this should be...

Time to add to the long list of females that have sussed him, Op.

So he has money to buy weed, drink and gamble but none for the bills and is avoiding work like it carried Ebola.

You don't need him to cook or clean. Get a takeaway and do the cleaning yourself with all the time you'll have after you bin his sorry arse.

So what are his good points.

This occurred to me - If it were the other way around and it was a woman who was not working, but doing the housework, etc, would we be viewing this differently? (except the weed and gambling bit). Definitely if you had children we would, but possibly we'd even be kinder if there were no children too.

A woman, with no kids, who smokes weed, spends money going out drinking her ill partner at home, who just happened to get fired within weeks of someone moving in who can cover the Bill's and now decided to do a load of courses.

I dont think anyone would be sympathetic

Looks like this is a 100% unanimous LTB!! And you can add my voice to that chorus. You are worth so, so much more than this.

A good question to ask yourself is "Why do I want to stay?". I can't think of a good reason, can you? I can think of a shit tonne of BAD reasons, but not one good one.

Are you afraid of him? Do you fear his reaction?

I'm completely at a loss as to why you are with him. You do realise that what you are settling for right now will be as good as it gets with him? Please please please go back to your own house before this loser drags you down with him. x

Stop being a mug

You know what everyone is going to say, don’t you op?
You just need to hear people say it.

Run. And don’t let him wheedle his way into living with you in your place. You’ll never get him out.

I’m considering leaving him

I hope you are now busy packing your bags after reading these replies.

Move back. Get a lodger to assist with your bills. Reduce your work hours. Take some time to rest.
His timing is calculated and thought out. Don't enable him.

Pack and leave without delay.
Good luck x x