Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills...Aibu?

189 replies

Beachball32 · 14/08/2019 17:25

Hi all, I have no one that I can really talk to and needed some advice...

I moved into my partners rented flat about 3 months ago. We’ve been together about a year and he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).
Hes now decided he wants to do a course and the job centre have agreed to put him on it but it doesn’t start for a few weeks and there’s no guarantee of a job at the end of it. He’s also now thinking about doing another course afterwards so he can get a better job.
I work full time and have started to do overtime. I’ve got health problems and waiting for a hysterectomy but I’ve got no choice- my partner has no money to pay bills or buy food so I’ve had to step up and make more money. What’s getting me down is he stills go to the pub every week with his friends spending money? He went out Saturday night- I was a bit upset because I have a lot of pain. He knows this but still goes out....AIBU? I’m ill today and he’s just declared he’s going out to watch the footie with his mates and have some drinks....he’s 38, never had a long term girlfriend as he was happy on his own. Day to day he’s doing all the housework and cooking dinner for me but I’m worried I’m being used - what do you all think? He doesn’t get hammered but I’m getting fed up of the pub nights...he’s a gambler and smokes weed a lot too so his moods tend to be up and down....I’m considering leaving him as I have a house that I was going to rent out...It seems as though he expects me to support him and work my ass off to pay the bills....

OP posts:
StrongTea · 14/08/2019 18:37

Sorry missed the bit where you said you have your own house. You are in a much better position than most folk.

QualCheckBot · 14/08/2019 18:37

Oh gawd OP, he's not very desirable, is he?

Presumably you didn't realise how awful he was until you moved in!

At least you've still got your own place that you can move back into! Go soon! Can't believe you stuck it out 3 months with Mr. Unemployable Goes Down The Pub Man!

TeamUnicorn · 14/08/2019 18:40

This occurred to me - If it were the other way around and it was a woman who was not working, but doing the housework, etc, would we be viewing this differently? (except the weed and gambling bit). Definitely if you had children we would, but possibly we'd even be kinder if there were no children too.

Nope, not at all. If it was a genuine job loss and she was actively trying to get back to work then I would, but there is nothing redeeming here at all.

nocoolnamesleft · 14/08/2019 18:42

So he's a problem drinking, weed smoking, gambling, free loading, work shy twat? Hmmm, I hope the sex is really really good, because I can't see why else you're with him.

HeyMonkey · 14/08/2019 18:42

I'd immediately move out again.

Bet he wouldn't have lost his job if you weren't there to pay his bills for him.

Skittlenommer · 14/08/2019 18:43

he’s had a few jobs. He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work

Why did you move in with someone this irresponsible? Just end it and move out! It’s ridiculous!!

seven201 · 14/08/2019 18:44

Thank goodness you have a house to move back to. Just go. It will be a weight off. He's using you. Sorry Thanks

category12 · 14/08/2019 18:50

Seriously? Hmm

Likethebattle · 14/08/2019 18:52

You’re his ATM. Leave and see how quick he moves his arse to get a job or a new mug!

BumbleBeee69 · 14/08/2019 18:53

Christ he landed on his lazy arse feet when he moved you in right OP. I hope you're not online because you're Packing Lady. Get out of there NOW. Flowers

BrendasUmbrella · 14/08/2019 18:57

Next time he goes to the pub, pack your stuff and leave. You don't need to babysit this overgrown child.

nowayhose · 14/08/2019 19:03

Move out now !

You are in a lot of pain, but he still thinks it's ok to have you work overtime to pay his bills while he spends his own money in the pub ?????

Can you even see the problem now that you've written it down ??

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 14/08/2019 19:04

Hi OP..Just been sat next to two blokes in a pub,,,one of them says hows it going now new girlfriend has moved in?
Aww its brilliant..I jacked my job in cos I couldnt be arsed Shes paying all the bills and shes not round much cos shes working her arse off so I get peace and quiet
Crikey pal you've cracked it there shes a good en
Aye thats right I have I come here when I want on my own and she doesnt mind I smoke a bit of weed too so thats a bonus
and what does she get out of it then.?
.nudge nudge wink wink
Well she gets me doesn't she...I dont think shes got many mates y;know
Ahh right bet shes all over you
Yeah shes a good un I have cracked it with her she would do anything for me

This didnt really happen OP but I would hate it to be you they were talking about if it did.Know your own worth lovely lady..this bloke will never do anything for you ..where are the hearts and flowers,where is the fun,the meals out,the hand holding in the cinema and the weekends away?Please don;t mistake sex for love ..a joke for respect or when he says he loves you ...he loves what you do for him and what you allow him to get away with,As others have said RUN FAST you deserve more.

SirGawain · 14/08/2019 19:09

He hates working and has lots of sick days and has an entitled attitude at work. He got fired last week because he threatened his colleagues (who he says were lazy and it was getting to him).

Just remind me of any good points he has😗

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2019 19:09

Blimey, he's got your number, hasn't he? Why are you letting him take you for such a fool?

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 14/08/2019 19:14

He's mistaken you for his mum.

I think you are on here hoping we are going to tell you he will change.

He won't. So we won't say it.

Twillow · 14/08/2019 19:16

Thank God you've got somewhere else to live!!

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2019 19:18

Move out!

Bonniefoible · 14/08/2019 19:20

If he has money for pub he has money for bills, otherwise he's just being a user. Especially if your health is being effected. Sorry. ☹️

BlueJava · 14/08/2019 19:22

Leave him - you'll pay for more and more, and he will do nothing and earn nothing. If you think it's bad now it'll be worse in a couple of years. Sorry OP!

RosaWaiting · 14/08/2019 19:23

he got you to move in to pay the rent

what's the situation with paperwork etc? is your name on the tenancy?

there's no point staying with this man so you have to work out how to move out at minimum cost to yourself.

meanwhile, don't give him any money. tell him you haven't got any if that makes it easier.

HugoSpritz · 14/08/2019 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 14/08/2019 19:24

Stay with him and I bet you will have to sit back in a few years and wtch him gamble and smoke the child benefit away down the pub...it will happen OP

RosaWaiting · 14/08/2019 19:24

actually if your house is empty - sorry I missed that - just go back immediately even if you are on the rented home paperwork. you need to get away from him.

can you rent out a room in your place to cover any extra costs incurred?

NovemberWitch · 14/08/2019 19:25

Dione is right, you should stay.
Every parasite needs a host.