White lie has ruined everything

[greynfl]

So DP met a friend who he hasn't seen in 3 years today, an hour from our house. As a result I made a point of saying "please make sure you only drink 2 beers since you're driving" to which he promised.
He was with his friend 3.5 hours and said he had 2 and a half beers. I was miffed it was over 2, disliked it but let it go.

Then when I got home from work I saw the transactions on his home screen (Apple Pay) and the amounts didn't make sense (especially when you do rounds). Whenever I have a doubt about anything he says, from a story in the news, to something he's telling me he goes above and beyond to prove he's right, does it with anyone. This time he refused to prove about the amount he drink, which was easily disprovable based on his story and the pub's website.

He swore on his mum dying that he had only had 2 and a half. I started to drop it but then part of the story didn't add up. He then said he had 3, it's ridiculous I'm being funny over half a pint and that he technically didn't lie because he did have 2 and a half (and the rest). This felt so manipulative as I did specify saying only 2 and a half.

He's now gone down quite an emotionally manipulative route "break up with me" "I don't want to be in this relationship". Which hasn't really upset me because I'm so angry he lied. If he had just been honest I wouldn't have minded except to say how wrong he is for drink driving.

My concern is now I don't even know the truth, as when I then said "so you've ONLY had 3 beers in terms of alcohol today" he went quiet refusing to answer.
He also said I don't have proof he said he only had 2 and a half.

Am I being really pathetic here?
I know it will be easy to say "this has no future, leave him" but I'm really interested in some constructive advice on dealing with a liar. I can't help think he's lied about other things.

Something similar to do with lying happened at the very beginning of the relationship but I let it go but has always left me with some anxiety.

He was fucking driving. What's this 'only have 2 beers because you are driving' shit? He shouldn't be drinking ANY beer if he is driving

no way I'd be in a relationship with someone that drink drives. I couldn't have any respect for someone that thought it was ok to put innocent lives at risk just so he can have a drink. Way bigger issue than the white lie.

2 can still put you over im afriad some beers are really strong its a myth about 2 is safe-tell him t stop being pathetic

You are clearly deeply unsuited. Get out before you get pregnant.

He’s a knob for drink driving but I think most men have lied to their partner about how many pints they’ve drunk.
Did you set the 2 pints limit because he was driving or do you regularly give him “rules”? I’m a grown woman and don’t need to be told how many drinks I can have but I’d understand the concern for driving. The fact that you can’t trust him clearly runs much deeper than this though. I’d leave him based on that, do you really want to spend your life with someone you feel the need to check up on?

I think your upset because you are seeing a pattern of manipulative behavior and gaslighting. This isn’t about the pint it’s about how he conducts himself with you..

Yes sounds manipulative

Drink driving is absolutely a no no andhe is very irrisponsible for doing so but i can also see why he would lie to you based on you reaction.

I would not consider myself a liar but had a previous relationship where i felt i had to lie in respo se to certain things because their reaction to the truth would be so over the top.

Needless to say we are not together anymore. I am now married and I am completely honest with husband.

Buy a breathalyser....we have one. Fantastic gadget. Every household should get one. Amazon sell them.....it's called Evo. Get HIM to use it himself Pre driving and take personal responsibility for drinking and driving safely. It puts all the arguments to bed. Costs about £90 but tbh what price a life?

I am a firm believer in 0 tolerance to alcohol and drugs behind the wheel.
I am from a country which is one of the top in alcohol consumption and even we have 0 tolerance.

please make sure you only drink 2 beers since you're driving"

I cannot IMAGINE saying something like this to my DH. Why do people get into relationships where they parent the other partner? Why would you even THINK to say that to him?

If he's a drunk driver then why would you be with him? If this is something he does a lot I mean?

It's weird! And you've got into a cycle of telling him what to do....because he's not a responsible person...and then checking up on him..checking his bank!

Really unhealthy OP.

I'd have broken up over the Drink Driving.
The lying is an addition.

But you were being somewhat controlling going over his receipts etc. If I found myself going to that extent to double check - I would be giving myself a long hard look. Was I doing this because it was a puzzle that I'd come across and it was bugging me? Or was it because I didn't trust him? If the later then that could be enough reason to part the ways.

So that is at least 3 reasons you two should part (even before the "break up with me" stuff).

Are you his partner or mother?
You cannot control another person. Don’t bother with checking his apple account or fighting to prove a point. Does it really matter if it was 2,2.5 or 3? You know he is lying so you either need to accept that you can’t control another person or you don’t want to be with someone who puts himself and others in danger and then lies about it to your face.

Good luck.

From the way you explain it, you are mad to the fact that he did not obeyed you rather than the risks of drink driving.

He has not seen his friend for years, he wants to have a good time. Surely this could have ended better if he would have booked an Uber.

I am not fan of anyone checking how much money I spent or making calculations and telling me it does not add up. That would drive me mad.

Sorry breathalyser is called Alco Sense. Very good. Very accurate. Very sensitive and very clear - green or red result.

He shouldn't be drinking and driving obviously.

Leaving the whole topic of drink driving aside, the OP's question was about lying over whether he had 2.5 drinks or 3 drinks. You sound very hard work OP. I would be very pissed off if somebody dictated what I should drink and then followed up on it. I would question why I was in a relationship with somebody who thought I was incapable of deciding myself how much I could drink.

If this was a woman posting about her boyfriend doing this, the responses would be 'red flag' and re think the relationship.

I'm literally upset about the lying. If he had told me he'd drunk 3 I'd have been fine and just spoken to him about drink driving. It's the sticking to a lie knowing how bad my anxiety is around lies (abusive ex)

Drunk driving is so dangerous. I would want to be very confident that my DP was truly repentent. Lying about it is crappy but whether he lied or told the truth he still risked people’s lives and his own.

He's lying because you're controlling him. So what if he had more than you said he was "allowed", sometimes when you get chatting it happens. How can you dictate how much hes allowed to drink? Of course hes going to lie, he doesn't want an argument. The whole thing is ridiculous, you sound like his mum and him your naughty child. Oth drink driving is a defo no no

Well he shouldn't be drink driving at all, that should be your issue not whether it's 2, 2.5 or 3 pints.

I'm guessing there's a drip feed to come about his lying.

Shouldn't drink any alcohol and drive. It's not fair on other people, as an accident can be life changing.

Also - didn't check the Apple Pay. The apply pay came up in notifications as he didn't get rid of them and we were chatting about how much he spent and he went "hmm let me see" and pulled down his home screen (we are on a tight budget as meant to be moving house)

Sorry, why is it OK for him to have 2 pints and drive?

My DC lies if they know they are going to get told off for something.

Why did you tell your partner to have 2.5 drinks? What would you have said if he said straight off that he had 3 drinks?

I don't even understand why you care so much tbh. It sounds so controlling.

So he can drink and drive so long as he doesn't lie to you

Meh, you have as much of a conscience as he does.

Drinking over the DD limit and lying about it would be a deal-breaker for me.