White lie has ruined everything

[greynfl]

So DP met a friend who he hasn't seen in 3 years today, an hour from our house. As a result I made a point of saying "please make sure you only drink 2 beers since you're driving" to which he promised.
He was with his friend 3.5 hours and said he had 2 and a half beers. I was miffed it was over 2, disliked it but let it go.

Then when I got home from work I saw the transactions on his home screen (Apple Pay) and the amounts didn't make sense (especially when you do rounds). Whenever I have a doubt about anything he says, from a story in the news, to something he's telling me he goes above and beyond to prove he's right, does it with anyone. This time he refused to prove about the amount he drink, which was easily disprovable based on his story and the pub's website.

He swore on his mum dying that he had only had 2 and a half. I started to drop it but then part of the story didn't add up. He then said he had 3, it's ridiculous I'm being funny over half a pint and that he technically didn't lie because he did have 2 and a half (and the rest). This felt so manipulative as I did specify saying only 2 and a half.

He's now gone down quite an emotionally manipulative route "break up with me" "I don't want to be in this relationship". Which hasn't really upset me because I'm so angry he lied. If he had just been honest I wouldn't have minded except to say how wrong he is for drink driving.

My concern is now I don't even know the truth, as when I then said "so you've ONLY had 3 beers in terms of alcohol today" he went quiet refusing to answer.
He also said I don't have proof he said he only had 2 and a half.

Am I being really pathetic here?
I know it will be easy to say "this has no future, leave him" but I'm really interested in some constructive advice on dealing with a liar. I can't help think he's lied about other things.

Something similar to do with lying happened at the very beginning of the relationship but I let it go but has always left me with some anxiety.

3.5 hours, 3 pints

He probably wasn't over the limit. Depends on strength and when he drank them within that time slot.

Maybe emeshment wasn't the right word. I mean that sense of being so caught up with the dynamic between you, whether he's right or you are right, that you lose sight of the big picture or your own moral compass. You don't need to be with him.

Jesus, what a crap relationship. The dynamic is all squiff.....it’s like parent and child. He’s gaslighting you and you’re suspicious of him. You can’t live like that!

And if you won’t leave for all that, sumo him for being a drink driving cock nostril scum of the earth. My kids are in my car with these nobs on the road.

Drink driving would be the dealbreaker for me, not the fact he lied about one pint.

You clearly have trust issues anyway feeling the need to check his Apple Pay. Leave him.

You should leave him for lying and for his childish reaction

He should leave you for being so controlling and not even about the right issue which is drink driving

He’s a grown man, you can’t go round telling him what he is ‘allowed’ to drink - you are being far too controlling. That’s not really the issue though - he lies to you and drinks and drives - those would be deal breakers for me.

He swore on his mum's life. Has anyone popped round to see if she is still alive?

You're both absolutely batshit !

A healthy relationship cannot be based around 'proving' you are right or being so controlling with your partner either !

Neither of you has any respect for the other at all ffs !

It's a good thing the relationship is over, cos it's definitely bloody toxic for both of you and due to both of you.

OP you asked for help dealing with liars. I dont think there is anything you can do to change his behaviour. He obviously just doesnt care. Not about other road users, not about the law, not about you, or your relationship. Not many people would continue to lie when clearly caught out and then try and blame it on someone else.

You can either ignore it and disengage (dont ask how many hes had, ignore the drink driving, dont argue when he is caught out in a lie) or just leave, and call the police next time you know hes going to be drink driving for good measure. You cant argue with someone who gaslights and lies and denies facts so you will never 'prove' he is lying (in his mind). Sorry

Are you his wife or his parent op? Odd behaviour, worryingly controlling and your responses have shown no self awareness. I'd hate to be married to someone like you. Poor bloke.

We can't tell if he broke the drink driving law but of course if he did he's a dangerous idiot.

To be fair, if someone starts confronting me and accusing me and checking my apple pay making maths I'd probably have the same reaction as him. I'd kind of try to mask it and said I have drank less just so I dont get such reaction.

You were bitter because he was meeting with a girl. Thats why you felt u needed to control the amount of drinks he had and you needed to know if he paid for her or was it rounds. So what if it was not rounds and he was being a gentleman?

Drink driving aside- (which is not your main concern- red flag) I think you are the one with issues.

You need to stop confronting aggresively. You don't seem to understand it.

You have control issues and trust issues, you should take action and maybe attend some courses of inform yourself. Otherwise it won't be long till he leaves you

Well, guessing the OP isn't coming back!

If he thinks it's acceptable to drink two pints of beer and then drive,he's an absolute dick.