To be bitter about my parent's careers?

[Kplpandd]

My parents were very career focused when I was a child.

They would drop me off on the school playground at 7.30am (even if it was dark in the winter) and pick me up at 5pm.

School holidays from the age of about 8 I spent long days alone at home locked in the house with nobody (spolit only child).

I dont know why but I'm starting to really resent the fact that they felt their careers were more important than my safety. I'm also bitter at the fact that nobody such as teachers or my neighbours ever questioned them about dumping me in the playground or leaving me home alone.

I remember going to my friends house after school once and her mum was home already to welcome her and I was so jealous!
This seemed to hit me when my dd reached 8 because I cant even think about leaving her at home for 12 hours whilst I went to work. Is it even legal?

My parents were well off, I never went without material possessions and as an adult I became very close friends with them both (they have now passed). I mean even if they'd sent me to a childminder I'd at least have had adequate supervision? I guess I'm just having a spoilt rant but would really appreciate others views.

I'm around your age OP and feel similar. My DPs ran a business from home so I wasn't at risk but was ignored for days at a time from 7 or 8 - making my own lunch, nobody to talk and the worst days were when I was too ill to go to school. They used to forget I was there and one time I passed out trying to get out of the bedroom to ask for some paracetamol or something.

I was left at school and not collected as they were caught up in what they were doing and they banned me from watching TV as it "wasn't a good use of my time". I remember being so miserable in the holidays and like you, was so jealous of the mums at home and available for their kids.

As an adult I see all their flaws but am close to both of them. It just wasn't their thing raising kids and they were desperately trying to make ends meet with their business.

DD has plenty of holiday club, play dates and stuff to structure her holidays - I just try to make sure she realises how lucky she is to have so many nice things to do and look forward to.

My DM walked me to the bus stop on my first day at school, aged 5. After that I had to walk to the bus stop on my own, and then get on the bus to school alone. And the reverse in the afternoon, going home.

Same here. It was just the normal thing that all kids did on our estate in the mid 1970s. My mum didn't work though. She didn't walk us to the bus stop because she didn't think there was any need to.

I actually don't remember feeling particularly bothered about it at that age. I did however get annoyed when I was at secondary school in the mid 80s, and the school shut every lunchtime because of strikes, and I lived too far away from home to walk there, so I just wandered around town every lunchtime. It's hard to imagine that happening now.

And actually ‘spoilt’ children are generally those who were given things instead of love, but it sounds as though you had a relationship with them? Were you compliant generally?

As a child in the 60s and 70s Mum worked ,and I was looked after by my friends Mum after School .And in the holidays by my Nan.It does seem neglectful TBH but if you had a good relationship with them ,they probably didnt realise they were being this way .Sometimes when we look back it is to different times and ways of doing things really.Try to concentrate on your own LO and enjoy your time with her .

Have to agree with some other posters, my parents both worked and we were left at 8.00am until they got back from work which was after 6.30 (school was 9 to 3.30), I never thought about it really, I assume they had to work such hours to pay for the things we had rather than as a choice. The things is I remember my parents used to say we had it easy compared to when they were kids and I actually say the same to my kids too.
Maybe its just the way of things and my kids will be looking at my parenting skills with dismay when they have children.

My parents both worked full time and I used to walk to school from age 4 - not alone though, my 5yo brother was there to supervise me!

Some of this was normal in those days OP, but being home alone all day in the school holidays does not sound normal to me. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Being dropped off very early and picked up late wasn't great, but was typical of the times I suspect. However, being left in a locked house on your own for 12 hours everyday for weeks is just cruel, even if the person in question was an adult. Surely prisoners get better treatment! If a person was posting about leaving their dog for 12 hours alone at home, we'd think that was unacceptable, let alone a child!

Is this an excuse for a dig at WOHM?

Clearly the issue here is that your parents didn’t sort out proper childcare for you. It’s not the fault of their careers, it’s the fact that they just dumped you and ran.

After school clubs, holiday clubs, and au pairs all existed back then.

That wasn’t normal in the eighties. I’m older than you and had working parents - what happened to you was not okay and I’m not surprised your daughter reaching the same age has brought this up for you. The Philippa Perry book mentioned upthread is very good.

School holidays from the age of about 8 I spent long days alone at home locked in the house with nobody (spolit only child).

This sounds so lonely. I would feel very upset if these were my childhood memories. I'm not surprised you're revisiting these feelings now you have your own child. I think there is a value in realising that your childhood did have its lonelinesses and losses, and acknowledging them, and realising they have probably affected you in adulthood even if you weren't consciously aware of it.

I think was how things were in those days maybe, but it doesn't make it any easier to look back on.

It is not normal to be left at home all day at 8 years old. That is neglect. I was just with my 8 year old cousin, and she is a very young child. That was very bad of your parents to do that

I was in primary school in the 70's and I can assure you this was not normal.

Their careers were not the problem.
Their idea of parenting was the problem.

OP, you should have been with a child minder, or neighbour. That was the norm, even then.

Your parents are gone so not much you can do.

Perhaps speak to someone.
Seeing your own children at an age where you felt stressed and alone is a definite trigger.

Your parents were very very wrong.

As for the OP who was 5, and was put on a bus......words fail me🙄

No, OP, it didn't bother me. I took it as normal.

It’s not their careers it is the choices they then made re childcare! My parents both worked full time in the 80s so we had a nanny. I got extra attention rather than less because there were three adults interested in what I was doing.

I was at school in the 90s so a bit later on, I'm the child of a single mother who always worked, I was never left alone until my teen years! I went to friends or relatives in the holidays.

The problem for you is not their careers. Many parents work. Its is the absence of childcare. Being locked at home from age 8 is neglectful.

That sounds sad and lonely.
I was a latchkey child to the extent that I used to let myself in after school, I think Mum used to get in about 6 ish. But I had grandparents nearby so could pop round to them if I felt like it.
The being dumped in the playground in the mornings sounds miserable.
It was unusual, but there were not very many childcare facilities in those days. I think lots of children would walk themselves to school, or take responsibility for getting younger siblings to school, but standing alone in the playground all that time? Very lonely. Was it ever discussed, were you ever offered any other options?

Op are you sure you are left that long from 8 years old. Our childhood memories sometimes are not that accurate. I know ds recently ( he is 14) complained that Dh and I had ignored a very painful injury he got for about a year when he was much younger. I do remember he fell while ice skating when he was about 7 and we did take him to the minor injuries clinic where we were told they could not see anything. We have him painkillers as directed and he rested it a bit. He did sometimes say that it still hurt for a few weeks after but he was always able to run around and as it didn't stop him doing anything I assumed it was not serious . His memory now is that I ignored it for at least a year while he hobbled to school and back on an almost broken leg for the whole time

I have to say: I think that alot of things that my own mother did were abusive and damaging. But as I've gotten older I have begun to see her as a human being. We tend to look at our parents as Gods, that they should be absolutely perfect. When they are young struggling people. Would I be any better? Would I find it very difficult to look after a child? Would I snap under the pressure and ahout and scream at a child. I might. They are imperfect human beings like us. And who you are now is not definedby how your parents were. You are beautiful incredible you!

That was neglect then, as it would be now.

They should have organised a child minder, holiday clubs etc. Plenty of less well-off parents managed that, because they had to, because you can't leave 8yos at home alone all day!

I'm a little bit older then you and I think the age at which it became normal to allow dcs to spend time at home alone in the '80s, for an hour or two after school, not all day, was around 11. So end of juniors start of secondary. That might be different these days.

What sort of bus was it though? Where I live, in a rural location the school children get a school bus from age 4. It drives around picking the children up and drops back where it’s met by parents or childminders.

I was at primary until 1995, DM used to walk us to school at that age with the neighbour's children who would come to our house an hour before school and the neighbour would pick us up and watch us until five, working parents supporting each other. You'd get called a CF on MN these days for similar.

It's odd that you describe yourself as 'spoilt'. Is that a word others have used about you? Relating purely to material possessions? Or just lazy stereotypes?

Rather rude soontobe60. You obviously live in cloud cuckoo land.