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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have kicked off at in-laws?

336 replies

Xen20 · 12/08/2019 16:12

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

OP posts:
Fancyseeingyouhere · 12/08/2019 17:19

Do you live in Hull?

cranstonmanor · 12/08/2019 17:22

Do you live in Hull?

I was just going to ask that. Plus, do you give massages?

But now seriously OP, you need to talk about this sensibly with them. They need to stop calling you Brian, and your DH has to stop being a dick right now.

Beebeezed · 12/08/2019 17:22

@fedup21 think OP meant to say I snapped

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 17:22

Maybe explain to her that although she acts like an ignorant bitch, you don't introduce her that way because it's rude

Nice.

If everyone knows the Op as Brian then that’s what they’re used to saying, MIL was going to say Brian but then corrected herself and explained why she was just about to say a name beginning with B!

So not an ignorant bitch after all.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 12/08/2019 17:32

Gosh, it seems you married one of the absolute assholes that bullied me in my final years of school- changing my first and last name from say ‘Sarah Smith’ to a similar meaning to ‘shit on shoe’. They had every boy in my year call me that name, they changed all the prefect rota’s From Sarah Smith to Shit on Shoe. Everywhere I went, the assholes would greet me with ‘hi Shit on Shoe’ it became utterly unbearable, until they made the mistake of saying it in front of my slightly younger brother- who took them both by the throat and lifted them into the air and told them he would beat the shit out of the next person who even dared to call me by that name. Man was I grateful to my brother, the cowards (like all bullies) were all of a sudden very apologetic.

My point is, that constantly being called something I hated, really tore at my sense of who I was. I hated every single one of the twats who called my Shit on shoe. Your husband is a bully just like the idiots that bullied me! Only he doesn’t have the excuse of immaturity and being a teenage boy! Neither do his family! Clearly they know fine well that you hate it, the fact that your asshole dh allowed his family to join in with his bullying behaviour shows just what a narcissistic twat he is!

You don’t deserve this treatment OP, I honestly can’t blame you for losing it, you asked your MIL not to call you Brian and to call you Ayesha (if that’s your name, it is a beautiful name and your dh should use it or lose you) ! She ignored you, enjoying the power she and her son have over you.

You don’t need to put up with this! It is bullying! It’s not funny or a joke when it’s hurting you! Your husband needs to know that it stops now! He owes you a massive apology and so do his family! Although in your shoes I think I would be telling him to pack his bags! I am betting he is a bully in other areas isn’t he?

RosaWaiting · 12/08/2019 17:33

I presume you mean you snapped

In which case, I don’t blame you.

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 17:34

It’s nothing like being bullied by someone st school. You can tell your husband to stop calling you Brian or whatever.

This is just all round weird.

Pud2 · 12/08/2019 17:35

I agree NoSauce. It does really sound like it’s MIL’s fault if they have always referred to you as Brian. Even though you asked her to use your real name she probably thought it would be funny to also say Brian. She wasn’t to know that you are so sensitive about it?

Seeingadistance · 12/08/2019 17:36

I sounds like the OP did try to stop this a long time ago, but her H persisted and got his family to join in with what really is unpleasant bullying.

The OP is feeling fragile just now. She specifically asked her MIL to use the correct name and was ignored - bullied again. I’m not surprised she snapped and I don’t think she was at all unreasonable. And maybe it would be good for the children of this unpleasant family to see someone standing up for themselves and calling the nastiness put for what it is.

Boysey45 · 12/08/2019 17:36

They have disrespected you for ages why have you put up with it?.
What I would say to my husband is that if he ever called me it again then I would call him small cock and it doesn't matter who its in front of.Then I'd tell him to talk to his pathetic family as well.

I think the issue here is your self esteem and why yo are letting people get away with this.

Pud2 · 12/08/2019 17:37

Some people are seriously over-reacting on this thread! How is it bullying!? If OP didn’t like being called Brian was then she should have made it clear to everyone!

Seeingadistance · 12/08/2019 17:41

The OP says she always hated being called Brian. She doesn’t say specifically that she asked him to stop but I would guess that she did, but he kept going so she ended up ignoring him.

At the party, she did ask her MIL not to introduce her as Brian, but MIL did just that.

It is bullying to keep doing something to someone when they have asked you not to.

mummmy2017 · 12/08/2019 17:42

. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.
Oh look OP did ask her to use her real name only.

SirGawain · 12/08/2019 17:42

YANBU. it's incredibly rude to call you by a name, especially a nickname that you don't. I have been given several nicknames over the years and hated them. I don't really like being called by the diminutive of my first name even though it's quite pleasant. It's not funny and I think you were justified in calling them out.

LL83 · 12/08/2019 17:43

Family are rude. Dh is awful. I would apologise to party hosts for scene but not to dh or mil.

If dh does not stop and encourage family to stop I would move on from him. It isn't a joke if you aren't laughing.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 12/08/2019 17:44

It’s bullying because the OP has made herself VERY clear - that she has HATED being called Brian- she took the same action as I did- ignoring the twats so they don’t get the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurts her. I would be betting that her husband AND his family know FINE well that the OP hates it! They think it’s all a joke and very funny- cue MIL’s ‘oh where is your sense of humour today’- only it’s not a joke when the person it’s aimed at NEVER laughs!

BertrandRussell · 12/08/2019 17:45

Absolutely fine to stomp hard on the nickname- although the stomp really should have happened years ago.

Not fine to do it at a child’s birthday party.

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 17:45

OP hasnt said she tried.

She said she didnt like it and ignored it with dh and stopped socialising with his family.

Mil probably said what she did as the new people would probably wonder why everyone was calling her Brian.

So, OP has to put up with rudeness by MIL and others because it is a child's birthday?

Is it the childs fault? That's what grown ups do. Park their feelings for the sake of whoever's event it is and deal with it later

Or even deal with it then. Calmly.

SirGawain · 12/08/2019 17:45

Why do they call you Brian anyway?

Because they are inconsiderate dickheads!!!

SavingSpaces2019 · 12/08/2019 17:46

What ethnicity are you OP?
I've had Caucasian people do this to me, make a laugh and a joke and insist on calling me by a 'white' name despite my asian name being very easy to pronounce.
It's racism disguised as 'banter'.
I can't believe you allowed your DP to do this to you - and for so long.

Even if you are white/mixed race, they are making it very obvious that your 'foreigners' name is unacceptable to them.

Raphael34 · 12/08/2019 17:49

‘In the end I just ignored it’ (suggesting she has asked them to stop). ‘I stopped socialising with them’. ‘I asked mil to introduce me to the new friends my name aleysha’. I think she’s made it pretty fuckin clear she absolutely hates this ridiculous nickname. And she only snapped when mil blatantly ignored her and dragged their circle of friends into this ridiculous bullying. I’d have snapped too

WowThatsSoCool · 12/08/2019 17:50

You were very unreasonable, you caused a scene at a child’s birthday party!!

Yes I understand that you were annoyed, but there is a time and place for that.

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 17:51

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser the OP said to MIL call me Aysha then, she did not make it VERY clear that she hated Brian at all so stop making things up!

SavingSpaces2019 · 12/08/2019 17:52

If they called you by an english female name it would make their prejudice too obvious.

Witchinaditch · 12/08/2019 17:52

Reverse?