To have kicked off at in-laws?

[Xen20]

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

H = Knobend.
MIL = Shrek.

Rinse and repeat. They don't like it? Well they know what to do then.

My ex husband used to call me Leroy. Apparently it was the male version of my name... then my work colleagues caught onto it and they all called me Leroy. (There was another girl who started with the same name as me so I wasn't bothered...avoided confusion). Then my ex eventually shortened it to Roy. I gave up telling him to stop 😂

Woah you’re looking into it way too deeply. It just seems like a bit of a laugh. OP isn’t BU to be annoyed by it but to call it ‘cruel’ and to say he’s ‘keeping her in her place’ is a bit much I wonder if you've rethought that now OP has given more info on the lengths her DH will go to to call her anything other than her name!

OP You need a friend in RL t talk this through with. If this is just one of the ways your D controls you then a good frends will be able to help your work out what the others are and whether or not you think you want to continue in a relationship that only ads to your stress levels.

Basically you need to be able to tell your H that he is a complete twat and is adding to your mental load.. and he needs to be able to really hear that and act accordingly. If neither of you can do that then your relationship is really not in a good place.

Best of luck

Your 'D'H sounds about as amusing as smallpox. I assume he has some more endearing traits, as from what you've said he sounds like an utter arse. Why are you still married to him? He doesn't have your back and seems to enjoy mocking you.

I completely understand your reaction. Your MIL was rude at best, and at worst she's a bully, just like your husband.

Whatever you say and whatever you do, they will paint you as being in the wrong. I assume they are saying that you 'can't take a joke' or are sensitive and have overreacted? I would get rid of the lot of them. Do you have children with this dickhead?

It's odd which points you're choosing to respond to and which you're not.

Also I suspect that, in your shoes, I would respond to every "Brian" with Fuck off

And every "your're being silly/sensitive" with Fuck further off*

And every "It's only a joke" with says The Twat?

I would stop responding at all politely... I can't imagine my DH, the man who loves me, continuing daily with a behaviour he knows I don't like, let alone recruiting his family to do tht same! It doesn't feel right... but, as many posters on similar threads have shown, some relationships thrive on 'banter'. Yours just isn't one of them, it seems!

It's odd which points you're choosing to respond to and which you're not Like what, Lily ?

My dad used to call me a "jokey" nickname when I was a kid,. Looking back as an adult I can see why people thought it was funny but just thinking back on it now I can still feel the overwhelming impotant rage I felt whenever he said it. I'd shout, scream, cry, plead with him not to say it any more, it just encouraged him. God he was a collosal dickhead. It reminds me of when bullies hold weaker people down and tickle them too much, when they're begging and pleading for them to stop, till they wet themselves and are humiliated. That's the closest analogy I can think of.

Anyway OP, YANBU. Anyone who disagrees has never been bullied in this way and therefore shouldn't really be commenting.

I'm feeling really tearful now just thinking about it.

YANBU
Your MIL was a bitch & deliberately upset you.

It’s not surprising you’re off with stress if work is awful then you were coming home to this kind of crap.

Where are your family & friends? Local or mikes away??

Anyway, given what you’ve said about your DH I think you really need to have a serious think about whether you want to be with him or not/ he treats you horribly. I wouldn’t want to be with him.

It’s unfortunate IF the birthday child was upset but that’s down to H & MIL - not you 🌷

By definition we don’t choose when we kick off.

Perhaps it was unfortunate that it all erupted at a child’s party - but it did.

Sounds like you’ve enough on your plate at the moment.

Perhaps after this the in laws etc might treat you with a little more respect and empathy.

Hope so.

Easy to say after the fact, but when she said "everyone calls her Brian", you could have responded with the MN icy stare and "well, no-one I respect calls me that" and let the stupid cow squirm.

OK, so now you've explained that it's a nickname that takes the piss out of your appearance - that makes it a lot worse and definitely changes the dynamic.

But to be honest it's your DH I blame for this, more than his family. It sounds like he's made them think it's all just a hilarious in-joke. He's been an absolute dick and it's clearly something that's genuinely hurtful to you. He's being quite cruel - he's your husband and he shouldn't be teasing you like some bullying older brother would tease his little sister. What an arsehole.

If husband called me Brian I think I'd day something like "and this is tiny dick".

It wouldn't last long I can't imagine however, my husband would never do this.
I'd do similar for MIL "and this is hyacinth bucket" or something...

So what happened after you snapped, op?

As @smeerf says. You’ve been unkindly driven to finally retaliate and I just hope it has some effect.
I hope the adult family members were embarrassed in front of the friends. I doubt that the children were particularly bothered so don’t let your H (doesn’t deserve DH) blame you for that.
Unless he has some redeeming features wait until you are feeling less stressed and consider LTB.
💐🌺🌹🌸

@WhereYouLeftIt is bang on. You asked your mil not to use it, you ask her to call you your name, she immediately calls you the stupid nickname. I’d have fucking snapped too. I’m with the OP. It isn’t her fault it was a kid’s party. Mil was being a bitch.

OP, your DH is a bully, and his family are bullies too.

I had an ex who liked using demeaning nicknames. Mainly aimed at me, but also at our DD, while DS was never targetted this way. On reason among many that he's an ex.

Its not a joke if you don't find it funny, it's bullying.

Why are you with this guy? He sounds really bad for your mental health. Nasty piece of shit. Clearly his mother's son.

I think everyone is being disrespectful towards you, especially your dh. He's being very rude. I wouldn't visit his side of the family until they promise to stop. Also I would stop speaking to your husband until he calls you by your real name.

Well, you should have nipped it in the bud years ago with your DH, but that's water under the bridge. At this point all you can do is tell him that the nickname is DONE and from now on he (and everyone else) is to call you Ayesha. When he calls you Brian, ignore him. When he calls you Ayesha, respond. Keep it up til he gets the message. Sort of like Pavlov's dog.

DH needs to inform his family that from now on they are also to use your real name. That you've never liked the Brian business and that it's HIS fault for telling them to call you that but they need to stop. His family, his responsibility. If he won't, or they refuse to cooperate, you simply stop going there or do the same as with DH; Brian, ignore. Ayesha, respond.

When the introduction thing happened with MiL instead of losing your shit you should have simply said "No, they don't. It's Ayesha." or "Only if they're rude idiots because my name isn't Brian, it's Ayesha".

Names mean a lot to us. They identify us. To willfully refuse to use someone's right name is rude, spiteful, and demeaning.

OP I have long black curly hair, I don’t suppose you live in the North East of Scotland do you- as your DH really is sounding like one of the assholes who bullied me! Curly hair is beautiful, I love my hair and I have been stopped in the street before and told that my hair is beautiful!

Your husband is abusive OP, you don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating you, you don’t need to put up with his bullying!

If you have made it clear that you don’t like the nickname and he persists in using it anyway, then your dh is a wanker.

He’ll tell you it’s ‘just a joke’ and you’re taking it too seriously I’m sure.
Ask him who’s laughing...you or him? Ask him who is getting the benefit of the joke...you or him?

“Do I like being called Brian dh? Yes or no?”
He will have admit, “No.”
“Then why do you do it?”

Having just Googled Brian May, if your DH was giving you an affectionate NN, my first thought was Cleo Laine.

But he's deliberately picked a cruel and undermining one.

You had every right to do what you did. Don't apologise and tell him it stops now.