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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To have kicked off at in-laws?

336 replies

Xen20 · 12/08/2019 16:12

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 13/08/2019 20:14

If I mocked some aspect of my husband's physical appearance which distressed him and misled my mother and the rest of my family into repeating it as a 'harmless' joke when it was my mindless spite, there'd be hell to pay. And it wouldn't be my husband who'd feel her wrath.

Vice versa with my MIL.

Nice families and nice MILs don't do this

HeadintheiClouds · 13/08/2019 20:14

Bertrand is always the voice of reason on MIL threads and invariably gets savaged for it. Probably by the same posters, she’d know more about that than I would.
You’d hardly think this was a discussion forum...

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 13/08/2019 20:15

@tonnere.
.mumsnet ethos is to support women and one of the most difficult relationships any woman may have is with an in law.

The poster has started a thread about cruel posters and yet here she is again shaming a poster herself. Yet again.

If other posters recognise this posters mo why hasn't mnhq had a word with her before to remind her that people in this situation could be literally about to leave a marriage and split up a family they don't need more nasty remarks.

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 13/08/2019 20:16

Head she is far fro the voice of reason on Mil threads and as previous pp said, no empathy to boot

HeadintheiClouds · 13/08/2019 20:17

Ridicule, spite and victim shaming... Can you provide examples, Bornfree? I recall no such posts and that’s a pretty unpleasant accusation?

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 13/08/2019 20:17

Ok, can we move on with the thread now?
Peace and love and all that.

Thanks. Flowers

Dieu · 13/08/2019 20:20

They absolutely bear-baited you. YANBU.

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 13/08/2019 20:21

Years of it head.

I first came onto mums net due to being at breaking point myself with in laws. I found amazing support, advice, hand holds somewhere to vent, different perspectives.. It's been amazing and in return I have tried to give back. In among that we have repeat poster causing other misery.

If other people recognise the same I can't help that. They have a rep for it.

Mumsnet ethos is to support. This poster doesn't.

limitedperiodonly · 13/08/2019 20:28

I find it slightly ironic that on a thread about bullying a little group of posters has ganged up to be nasty about another poster on here.

Who can you mean sonjadog and TatianaLarina? Who is ganging up on whom?

I have given my own extensive experience of having a MIL since I met my husband in 1989. She's no pushover and she's not my favourite cup of tea but as I said, she is a decent and loving woman I trust to do the right thing by me. One of the things that did it was that my own mum said: 'Limited. Mr Limited's mum told me that you were the best thing that ever happened to him. But don't tell her I told you that.'

But I don't kid myself that some people are lucky enough to have nice MILs - or even nice mothers - so I don't defend all of them. I just listen, advise or ignore.

Alexisa66 · 13/08/2019 20:32

Xen20 has left the room.

Saddler · 13/08/2019 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OooErMissus · 13/08/2019 20:41

Clearly it's something that many of us have noticed.

I get on well with my MIL, and have had nothing but positive relations with all my exes Mums - without exception.

I have no axe to grind. But without fail, no matter the circumstances, Bertrand will side with the MIL, ignoring ANY nuance in the situation.

I am not advocating 'kicking off'. Kicking off is clearly to be avoided.

But can people genuinely not see how an untenable situation has built up, the OP asked the MIL not to do it, and she went ahead and did it anyway. The MIL created the 'scene'.

She's being told by many posters to tell them to stop. Well, she has.

I would love to know if this actually stops now.

And I'm in total agreement that this is, actually, entirely LTB-worthy. He's a total cunt.

OooErMissus · 13/08/2019 20:43

@Saddler - repeating jokes people have already made on the thread is a bit sad, no?

HeadintheiClouds · 13/08/2019 20:48

Who can you mean? Who is ganging up on whom?. Less of the wide eyed innocence, limited, you seriously can’t be this dim?

limitedperiodonly · 13/08/2019 20:52

My mum or MIL never raised dim girls Head.

HellonHeels · 13/08/2019 20:54

Dickish comment Saddler

sofato5miles · 13/08/2019 20:56

OMG, how many of you are mad? All @BertrandRussell said was, they ate being shit but kicking off at a child's birthday was not optimum

browneyes77 · 13/08/2019 20:58

@Saddler Oh do grow up.

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 13/08/2019 20:58

LTB

Teacher22 · 13/08/2019 21:01

You have been bullied, OP, and it is a bully’s trick to goad the victim into a response so they can put the blame on them and continue teasing.

If the godawful family did not want you reacting they should not have pushed you to the edge of the cliff.

I think you need to issue a stern ultimatum to the DH and ensure he takes your part against his family, not theirs against you.

OooErMissus · 13/08/2019 21:01

The OP knows it wasn't 'optimum'.

But that's really thing to be focusing on in all of this...?

Clearly you think it is, and the OP should be rightly told off for it.

I, on the other hand, fully sympathise with the OP, and can see full well how the situation has come about.

And I say this as someone who has reached middle age and, literally, never 'kicked off' at someone in my entire life!

MidnightMystery · 13/08/2019 21:04

Good on you for sticking up for yourself after years of this "joke" that's obviously not funny.

She had a taste of her own medicine trying to humiliate you in front of her friends, it backfired on her and she's left embarrassed.

I doubt she will call you the B word ever again!

limitedperiodonly · 13/08/2019 21:10

You’d hardly think this was a discussion forum

It's the epitome of a discussion @HeadintheiClouds - nearly 300 posts of well-balanced opinions with barely any deletions.

I was not 'savaging' @BertrandRussell and haven't noticed anyone else doing that. I was merely disagreeing with her and giving the perspective of someone who has a nice MIL, as many others do. It's something I'd expect Bertrand would welcome.

But you don't speak for her

Of course, if there are any personal attacks, you should report them.

Motoko · 13/08/2019 21:20

Oh look, here's another bully coming to laugh at the OP. Well done Saddler, now everyone knows you're a nasty piece of work.

ysmaem · 13/08/2019 21:25

YANBU for being annoyed. It sounds like you've had a very stressful time and this has obviously pushed you over the edge. Yes, you could've handled it better but its happened now so here's hoping they got the message loud and clear that they're not to call you Brian any longer.