To have kicked off at in-laws?

[Xen20]

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

With the exception of the tiresome saints who infest Mumsnet, the mortal among us do not always deal with things in the best manner. Especially if we are feeling stressed and anxious and expecting yet another emotional kicking.

That makes us human. And truthful.

All my friends say I am an angel blessed with a wicked tongue. But I confess I sometimes have been driven to the end of my tether by the constant needling of tedious people and a clever retort has deserted me.

In those cases a simple 'Fuck off!' has done. I might ask God to forgive me (I wouldn't) but never people like that or the sanctimonious bores on AIBU.

I certainly wouldn't apologise to my husband or MIL if they ever did anything like that to me. Which they wouldn't, because they are nice people who love me and I love them back.

Yes and no. yes shouldnt of kicked off at a childs party BUT like you said you are off work because of stress you did ask her to introduce you but your own name and even after she knew you were in a bit of a mood she still did it. Dh knows your off work due to stress so he should be a bit more understanding. Give it a day or two and say to them all im sorry for the out burst but you call tell calling me that gets to me and i had already asked not to me introduced by that name and you still thought it funny. Tell your dh outright to tell his family aswell stop calling you brian.
Nothing worse than people doing something to piss you off because they think its funny. Clearly its been getting to you for a while if it came out like that.

I think you should've mentioned a long time ago to DH and his family that you dont like the name. My husband and FIL call me huckers after mick hucknall because I have long curly ginger hair. .I dont mind the banter but I can understand when dealing with stress everything is more OTT and affects you more than it normally would.

You should have a chat with your DH and explain how it makes you feel and actually how down you are feeling atm. He should be supporting you more and also should be able to see when you're uncomfortable with something so should tell his fam to tone it down! Tbh though I think it's an endearing thing....eventhough you may not see it....the fact they have given you a nickname means they must think you can handle the banter and also that they actually like you!
From experience in my family some people have nicknames but we dont call it to their faces because they are pr!

I’ve asked them many times to pack it in and I just get ignored so rather than give them the satisfaction of seeing me get wound up I simply ignore

They should listen to OP. And people should RTFT.

It would be a cold day in hell before I would apologise to any of the dickheads if it were me.

In your position I would always refer to him as Dickface (or similar). Other than on the divorce papers, to avoid any legal problems.

I am shocked on how you've been treated by this people. And the fact your husband has been an idiot doesn't excuse the way in MIL behaved. YANBU. Please have a serious talk with your husband about how you feel. If he doesn't get that this hurts you I wonder what else he is capable of... Not healthy

@BertrandRussell your position on this thread is faintly ridiculous.

You say:

She needs to talk to all of them one last time, making it very clear that the nick name has been used for the last time. She has to be cold and clear about this

Putting aside the fact that asking them not to use the name is completely pointless - they do it because they know she doesn't like it!

She specifically did ask her MIL not to introduce her by the stupid nickname

And MIL went ahead and did it anyway.

You berate the OP for not not telling them to stop (she did), and you berate the OP for kicking off.

How is this helpful?

You honestly think the OP should react to 'this is Dave and B .. [real name] ... but everyone calls her Brian' with a polite smile, handshake, and a 'nice to meet you'?

I suppose she could have smiled and given the newcomers a stage whisper of "early dementia".

Bertrand Russel has zero experience in awful in laws

She has no idea at all what it's like to be dealing with people like this.

@MrsBertBibby - inspired

My ex used to call me Doris. Notice he’s my ex. It’s childish and shows a lack of respect. I don’t think you are in the wrong but you should have put your foot down with him, not his family. They probably just think it’s sweet or something you know what people are like,

“You honestly think the OP should react to 'this is Dave and B .. [real name] ... but everyone calls her Brian' with a polite smile, handshake, and a 'nice to meet you'?”

No. I think she should do anything she wants- including leaving her arsehole of a husband or never visiting her in laws again.All she shouldn’t do is involve the children. I also think that “kicking off” is counter productive.

Phoenix it's this posters modus operandi, is it trolling?

She always defends the in laws. She has no personal experience of in laws being nasty. Her posting constantly on these threads does nothing for the ethos of mumsnet to support and help fellow mums netters. Her default position is to shame the poster.

I think your comments are nasty.

Who would choose to do this?
Honestly how cruel. No one would choose to do this at a children's party but even then you make it sound like op took her knickers off, mastubated on the party table whilst shoving a needle in her arm.

Get a fucking grip.

I am not defending the in laws. I think they are awful. I just think that there are better ways to deal with this situation than spoiling a child’s birthday party, which gives the in-laws more amunition.

You have a DH problem and this has ultimately led you to snap. He knows you don't like it but his family clearly see him still calling you that so they take delight in joining in the name calling and join in and invite others to as well. If he stopped, they would stop too or he could tell them where to go.

I can see how it is difficult for you to see how you have a DH problem. When you admire or love someone, you let certain things go to keep the peace but there gets to a point where it gets too much (escalating in your case as they invite others to join in despite you being grown up and telling them beforehand not to) and then you stand up for your own self. However it may take time to see that it is your DH that is the problem.

Please do not cut your hair. I bet it looks so beautiful. I remember someone I used to look up to in the family would constantly put me down but they'd class it as a joke about whatever body part. I had really low self esteem in my teens because of it. This carried on into adulthood although I no longer lived with them so it was only when I saw them. I look back and think how rubbish it made me feel when really there was nothing wrong with me. I tried to change the way I looked, made it worse for myself.

I'd move away from the bully or give him an ultimatum. It is not on.

And your victim shaming op. She should not be feeling like this because she should not be tested like this and I don't know, goodness knows what planet you inhibit but really does anyone need to even say they don't want to be called Brian?

But you think her sweet darling in laws are in the dark about this....

YANBU twats that they are

Bertrand Russel has zero experience in awful in laws. She has no idea at all what it's like to be dealing with people like this.

Maybe so, Bornfreebutinbiscuits but there is a little thing that some of the rest of us know as imagination or empathy that seems to pass Bertrand by when it comes to criticism of MILs.

This post is not an attack on MILs in general. It is an appeal for sympathy by someone who is being bullied by her husband and his family, one of whom is her MIL.

Different kettle of fish.

My mum, sadly no longer with us, and my MIL, who I want to go on to get her 100th birthday card from the Queen and beyond, were two very different women.

I was obviously closer to my mum, but I can trust my MIL all but the most intimate secrets. I don't think I'd even share the most intimate ones with my mum and she'd probably thank me for that but you know what I mean

But what I mean is that my MIL, though she'll never be my best friend, is a good and kind woman and most importantly, my own mother liked and respected her for accepting me as her daughter just as my mum accepted my husband as her son. My husband loved my mum too.

Love makes the world go round, but it has to be earned.

I'm lucky, I guess. But I'm certainly not blind to the fact that some families are awful and some MILs are not nice.

What the hell is all this ganging up on one poster? Are people around here totally oblivious to the rules against personal attacks?

Limited, Bertrand is deeply entrenched in many views that are rock solid and un shakeable one topic is mils and dils..
I have seen years of ridicule and spite at dils and endless victim shaming. I've seen many posters call her out on it and she wriggles out.

What's riled me is, she has a thread at moment asking, are people as cruel in real life as they are on here
Here we are another in law thread that she can't stay away from and yet more victim shaming comments.

Why. It's not in the mn spirit, it's not supportive and it's not kind. I've seen people gently point out to br that she doesn't understand the actual subject. I've seen her say she didn't get on well with her own Mil, but they rub along OK.

I just find it tactless and lacking in grace to keep pounding women with difficult in law relations time and time again.

It's like me having very low threat mild cancer, low grade non invasive treatment but then going on every single chemo thread be littling sufferers for saying how grueling it is because i had it easy.

It's mind boggling how insane the position is.

Mums net ehtos is to help people....

Bertrand Russel has zero experience in awful in laws

Totally irrelevant as to whether it’s appropriate to kick off at a children’s party.

We’ve all had experience of dealing with unpleasant people, unfortunately that’s an unavoidable fact of life.

I find it slightly ironic that on a thread about bullying a little group of posters has ganged up to be nasty about another poster on here.

Fair point.